I think my wife is cheating on me with a coworker

[SRCSRC]

I really feel for your predicament.  It is hard to gauge how you will feel years from now assuming your wife gives you no further reason to think she is cheating.  I could never get over my ex-wife's affair.  I felt dead inside.  Of course, she did little to help me heal other than go to MC for awhile.  We divorced six years later after I caught her again.  I felt liberated.  I could move on with a clear conscience and never look back.  Surprisingly, trust was not a big issue for me in subsequent relationships I've had.  Bottom line:  How do you get over the fact that your spouse devalued you, your marriage and children for an affair, especially with some jerk?  It's gut wrenching.  Yet you love your wife.  I despised mine so divorce was a no brainer.  Someone described BS's situations as no-win, or Kobayashi-Maru  as depicted in Star Trek.  That sounds especially appropriate in your case.  I wish I had a solution for you.  Maybe divorce and remarry at some later point?  That's all I got. 

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Of course he is.
He has her dangling on a string, walking on eggshells and scared to put a foot wrong in case she loses her kids...

I don't have her dangling on a string. She fully understands what is hapenning and why. As for that minefield - yes, she's careful about what she says and does. If we divorce the one who loses kids will be me. Things are heavily in favor of mothers in here.

 

and thank you all, I really don't try to intentionaly punish my wife, I simply have no idea what to do. So I distance myself until i will know. 

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

And W wants to take kids to ZOO tomorrow and asked me to join them. Not sure if I should go

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

3 hours ago, princessaurora said:

She is in emotional turmoil because of her own actions. Mr. Flibble did not cause her to lose her job. She did that by having an inappropriate situation with a coworker. She should have never allowed herself to be in this situation. Mr. Flibble did not tell her to share personal details about her marriage with another man that started an emotional affair. She also did this all by herself. Then she allowed it to become physical.  Now she has to deal with the consequences. Mr. Flibble can't help how he feels. It may be seen as punishment to her, but OP is hurting deeply by this and will probably go to the grave wondering if she disclosed the truth about everything even if he eventually comes to peace with what she has or hasn't done. So if he doesn't want to give her any physical affection right now, that's understandable and he shouldn't force himself to just to make her feel better. He has to do that in his own time, if ever again. 

I do feel somewhat bad for her because she's having a rough time, and has had her whole world turned upside down, but she created this storm by not shutting this guy down when he first showed interest. But i'm not sure making her move out was the best decision assuming she didn't sleep with SH. I've never heard of someone moving into a separate place unless there was actual intercourse and the wife swears up and down there wasn't. Yes, i know it was an affair, but she didn't let it escalate to sex (that we know of)  and I think she deserves a little bit of slack for that. But she still broke her vows and destroyed the trust her husband has in her and he may never be able to get past that.  If she was truly unhappy about being a sahm and she needed something  more than going back to work, she should have discussed this with the OP so they could work it out together. A husband and wife are a team and if one is not happy, they need to confide in the other so they can figure out what needs to change. That's how you keep a marriage strong. You meet each other's needs so noone feels inclined to seek another to do so. She chose to go outside the marriage and cannot boo hoo her way out of this. Even if Mr Flibble decides to reconcile it will take alot of time and patience. He is not a bad person because he's not taking it easy on her.  He is simply reacting like a spouse whose wife of 13 years  turned to another man both emotionally and physically , totally  discounting the effect it could have on her husband and children and noone should fault him for that. And if he swept it under the rug as "just a kiss", she's likely to do it again because in the end it turned out to be no big deal. 

Mr Flibble, 

I continue to pray for you and your wife and wish this never happened to you. It's a horrible situation to be in and I empathize with your pain.  Just please remember everyone here is just giving opinions and advisements. It's your life and ultimately you need to be the one to decide how to move forward. Good luck.  

 

Couldn't summarize it better myself. Thank you for your amazing post

[Harry Korsnes]

4 minutes ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

And W wants to take kids to ZOO tomorrow and asked me to join them. Not sure if I should go

Why not? For the kids?

[Timshel]

Your wife attempted to monkey branch and failed. Fear is not love.

There are bigger problems in your marriage than infidelity, she had two feet out the door and she made a huge mistake picking a loose d*ck. The caliber of this guy is an indication of the desperation she felt. No wonder she has lost weight and is depressed, she bet on the wrong horse, that has to hurt.

My advice, divorce and co parent.

There isn't a wrong or right answer here, take your time OP.

[MickeyBill]

1 hour ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

And W wants to take kids to ZOO tomorrow and asked me to join them. Not sure if I should go

Depending on how you feel, maybe meet them there with a flexible leave time for you. If things are going well you can stick around longer but if it is uncomfortable you can wrap it up earlier. Might be a good thing. I know you are trying to find a way but until you figure out the destination, finding the path is tricky. You don't want to give false hope to her, you or the kids.. It's been about a month??? 

[MickeyBill]

1 hour ago, Timshel said:

Your wife attempted to monkey branch and failed. Fear is not love.

 

IIRC "monkey branching" is when a spouse wants to move up to a richer, younger, prettier, more exciting person than their spouse. I think Mrs was bored, frustrated and open to the SH advances for a little something on the side not a lifestyle change.

[usa1ah]

On 12/8/2020 at 12:37 PM, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

Hello, it's OP again.

 

A lot has happened during last two weeeks. I will try to be as detailed as possible so sorry for a long post. 

Firstly, things are going kind of... OK. I still have my ups and downs, but they are not as strong as they were two weeks back. Maybe I am coming back to some sort of normality.

 

After my last post (letter, list) I read your replies and realized you are right, our daily meetings didn't do us any good. It just made this whole mess even more confusing and even though it hurts it's for the best to put some space between us. 

So I decided to go LC with my wife and even with other people involved (the word apparently got out and our friends started to get in touch) with me. Some were offering support, some were just snooping for a drama I guess. 

My wife kept coming over to spend time with kids every day and instead of joining I just left the house. I went for a walk around the city, which I haven't done in years, and it helped me tremendously in sorting out my thoughts. Of course W was on my mind 90% of the time but it was much easier to deal with it when she wasn't around.

I spoke to her only on phone and strictly only about kids and important non-personal stuff and started completely ignoring her calls and texts regarding anything else than kids/house. Only face to face meetings happened when she came to pick up/drop off kids and I was civil but distant. This unfortunately threw her back to where she was right after our contfrontation - depression, tears, pleading, begging, all that circus.

 

Her mom told me she was either crying her eyes out or walking around like a zombie during this time. She didn't eat, didn't talk to anyone and just locked herself in her room. MIL was concerned and asked me to at least let her call me. This lasted around a week or so and in the end I agreed to meet her to put a stop to this because I was seriously woried about her. 

So I asked her to go for a walk with me. I thought she hit her all-time low after our confrontation but this was completely another level. She looked like hell. She lost 10 pounds last week only. I don't care what you will say but I still care about her so seeing her suffer was terrible.

Before I had a chance to speak she apologized for her behaviour this last week. When I went NC she took it as me giving up on her and our marriage (even though I told her what's going to happen and why) and it made her so desperate because she can't imagine her life without me. But she knows this needs to stop and she promised to give me all the space I need (She kept her promise btw). We talked a lot about how we are doing now and we had a first real discussion about possible outcomes.

I asked her again if she would really be willing to go through with an uncontested and amicable divorce next year. She would, if I need that to heal it will break her heart into million pieces but she's ready to take anything I will offer. She says It doesn't have to be the end for us. We could start again, dating while living separately and to see how I feel about that. She said she knows she can't have any demands but said it would make it easier for her if she knew divorce doesn't mean we are completely over. She asked me if I can ever forgive her. Honestly, I think I already did. But it doesn't mean we are getting back together. Maybe it's a little twisted but I see those two things as a separate entities. 

 

We walked and spoke for like two hours and eventualy ended up at a place where we had our first date. When she brought that up it felt like somebody twisted that knife a few more times. Hope those triggers will go away with time. 

You will rightfully take me for an idiot, but after our talk we hugged for like 10 minutes just sitting on a bench. I should have expect it (Idiot, again), but when I pulled away she tried to kiss me. I just kind of turned my head and it ended with her putting her head on my shoulder sobbing and saying sorry again and again.

 

When the tears stopped she pulled out her notepad (her mom told me she refuses to let go of it) and found a page with her list. She has already done some of it, some is WIP

She gave me a piece of paper with all her logins and passwords. Emails, internet banking, phone, phone bills, tablet, everything. She shut down her FB completely.

She wanted me to take her phone and run a recovery soft on it and put a gps tracker. I denied. I told her I am not playing this game and it's not a life I want to live. For neither of us. 

she has two skype interviews this Friday. She sent out about two dozens of applications. It's all in banking/finance ranging from desk clerk to finances to risk management. Not her previous position

She's browsing websites everyday looking for a new appartment. Market's now apparently not in the best shape and there isn't many offers in our area/size/price range. She asked me to come with her to have a look since she doesn't know what she should be looking for. Told her that's what real estate agent is for so she should get one

She had her first counseling session. Told me she didn't like the therapist AT ALL, so she's looking for another one. Also it's definitely NOT cheap. I offered to pay for it but she declined the offer. I asked her how she's going to pay for all of this (hoping she won't get into debt) and her plan is to sell most of her jewelery except a few important pieces I gave her. Put together it's equivalent of around 20k USD and lots of it is custom made so I told her it's a terrible idea to sell it. We had a small fight over this and I managed to talk her out of it. So I am paying for her therapy until she gets on her feet. Then it's up to her. 

She called our GP. He's a friend of ours so it must have been pretty awkward call. She told him what happened and asked him to book us both for an STD test. It's next Monday. I expect this to be a lot of fun. 

She picked up a clinic for DNA test. Looks like it can be done at home. Also it's a lot cheaper than expected. Testing kits are coming next week, we send it back and results should be in 2 weeks

 

I was genuinely surprised. I confessed her mom told me she's basicaly just existing so I thought we were at a dead end with her list. She told me it was really bad few days but she realized that indulging in self-pity will get us nowhere.

So she started pushing. 

She made a list and did one thing every day no matter how hard it was. She said she has picture of me and girls in her room as a token of why she's doing it. 

 

I wont lie - all this makes huge cracks and holes in my immediate plan to divorce her. If they had sex or she didn't take full responsibily and show deep remorse I would be done right away. But now I am not so sure about what to do. 

Maybe I need to hear that I am just eating up her lies because it's what I want to hear. I don't know.

Hope you can give me your insight on that. 

 

 

This was last Friday.

After our walk she again took kids to her parents and I didn't hear from her until Sunday evening. Except when I texted her how the kids are doing or wanted to call them. It was great, I did some work around the house and I blew off a pretty thick layer of dust off my PS4 and slayed some monsters. I forgot how good that feels. This weekend was first time I felt like I can be on my own. Like I will make it.

 

She brought kids on Sunday evening, looking defeated.  She didn't speak much at first but after some probing she admited she's afraid that during my "me" time I will realize I would be better off without her and leave. I told her she needs to understand how much this hurt me and honestly told her it's still a very real possibility. But I appreciate her efforts, I know this is hurting her too, but nothing is set in stone yet. I told her I plan to stick to my word that I give her time until January to show me what we have is worth saving.

 

This morning I was in a middle of a meeting (my mom was watching girls) when my phone buzzed. It was my wife - call me please. So i did. 

She got a text 5 minutes ago from unknown number from SH basicaly saying "sorry for the fallout" (sarcastic ha-ha) and asking her how she's doing!

She told me before that she never gave him her personal phone number so I have no idea how he got that (She returned her company phone and SIM card when she was fired). She asked me if she should reply to leave her alone or just ignore and block the number.

I saw red. I wanted to go find him and twist his head again and again until it pops like a cork on a champagne bottle. I think my wife could sense this even over the phone so she told me she's coming over right now and we will talk about what to do in person.

In the end we decided to just block and ignore. I again asked her if she lied and gave him her number. She says She didn't. While at work she didn't even use her personal number since she got new phone and new number and bills were payed by her employer and they had no problem with personal use. She just turned off her personal phone and put it in her night table.

SH tried again 2 hours later from yet another number but that was blocked too.

Any idea what was that supposed to mean? Trying his luck again? The second text looked a lot like that message he sent during our confrontation. 

I texted his exGF this but initialy got no response. She went completely silent since she found out it wasn't my wife SH took to that hotel room. But she called me few hours ago asking if she can speak to my wife. I gave her my W's personal number (with her consent) and we talked for a few minutes.

Looks like there were at least 4 other women she now knows of.

SH's been blowing her phone begging her to take him back (I really don't get it. Why?) and she uses that to pull some more intel out of him. I told her she should be just done with him but she insist she's just been putting together a decent folder with names and dates he had been willingy providing (the guy's realy not that clever!) and she plans to create a perfect storm by releasing all this at once when the time is right.

Reason? ALL of the other 4 women are married. Some have small children. It makes me seriously sick. 

Unfortunately, I think this intel gathering is over now because SH showed up at her doorstep in the afternoon while her brother was there. They got into a fight and her brother broke his nose.

Good for him. I should send him a gift basket or something.

So that's how things are now. I am doing better every day, my W is finaly giving me the space like she promised and SH has a broken nose. I can't believe I am saying this but I now see the light. I WILL BE OK. One way or the other.

 

I will go through your posts now, there is a lot of them so I am not sure I can answer them all. But I will try.

Actually, this is what real remorse looks like. I don’t think she is lying to you. There are those that say they are but look like they are going to a party. Your wife is not putting on a show if she is losing weight like she did. 
 

Read other stories on this and other sites. Look at what the BS has been put through by their WS. Your wife is in the 1% that actually shows remorse. 

[Timshel]

Not remorse, fear. She is a stay at home mom, taking care of the children. She gets a job and is vulnerable to a guy who is a 2$ talk. Why is she vulnerable?

Now she is even more isolated. Now she is shamed, everyone knows her indiscretion and now more than ever, she needs her family.

Your wife wanted to leave you; have you given any thought to what may have brought your marriage to this place? It's a wake up, for both of you.

[usa1ah]

On 12/8/2020 at 5:20 PM, basil67 said:

First part of it is how you're asking for space, her moving out, transparency and letters etc.   It's contradictory.   Space and her moving out are for if you wish to divorce.  Reconciliation in terms of letters and transparency are for if you want to work through it.    But you're having her do the whole lot without showing your hand... and as she's desperate to keep the family together, she's going along with it.  But if choose divorce after you've made her pay for her sins with letters and tears and promises, it won't be good. 

Likewise, asking her to agree to amicable divorce and for you to have the house and the kids while she's willing to agree to anything out of desperation will come back to bite you.    She should not be agreeing to anything while she doesn't have a lawyer and will likely change her tune when she's got one.  

 

 

Space is for any BS that wants to get their head screwed on straight. It is recommended for any BS to get a chance to breath and relax. 

[usa1ah]

On 12/10/2020 at 12:00 PM, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

Thank you all for your input, you are really great. I am glad I came here for help  

We spoke today and ultimately decided to spend holidays together at my parent's. We are adults, we can deal with it. No need to punish kids

we set up 5 ground rules

- Wife wants to speak with my parents beforehand to make sure they are OK with her being there

- Separate beds/rooms

- Kids first! Always

- Absolutely NO fights or serious talks allowed

- I can speak up if it becomes too much and my wife will leave

 

It's going to be hard, but I hope we can pull it off.

 

And I am going out on Tuesday with some friends. Should be fun, I haven't been in a pub for ages. I think I need that. They know everything and NO WIFE TALK is allowed.

I would suggest spending a day with her before Christmas with these ground rules. I would also suggest letting go of trying to control the out come of the day. Take a deep breath and do it. This is what it is and just put the kids first for the day and just remember that. When your thoughts start to stray pull yourself up and think of your girls. 

[usa1ah]

On 12/10/2020 at 2:36 PM, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

That's a question I am asking myself everyday. I mean how can I? I know I caught up pretty early and I can read her quite good, but still. I refuse to play a watch dog. I read somewhere that trust is like a piece of porcelan. Once broken you can glue it together but it will never be the same. It's spot on.

 

That's the reason why I am honestly more and more turning towards the "divorce and see how it goes later" route. Don't know, maybe it's a bad idea. I know she loves me. And I love her, with all my heart. But I am afraid it might not be enough.

Today's been pretty rough and I was pretty close to calling her to come back and now I fell like I seriously hate her but want to hug her at the same time. Pathetic

I bought punching bag so I will get into it later to get it all out.

 

This isn’t pathetic. It is normal for someone going through what you are. This will continue for around 6 months. 
 

There was a guy that took 1 year to even talk with his wife without blowing apart. They have gotten back together and doing better. His wife took responsibility for what happened and remorseful as well. 

You have been betrayed by someone that was supposed to have your back. She failed. You have to decide if you are able to accept the fact that she failed you. Just remember this wasn’t some guy that fell for your wife, it was someone that does this to any married woman he wants to pursue. He is good at what he does and has proven it. 
 

I agree forgiveness and stay together are completely different. This should be something you talk with your wife about. Then let her know that you have forgiven if you have. 

[VD01]

On 12/9/2020 at 3:44 AM, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

says she thought about me a lot during her A. Says it didn't stop her seeing him but it's the main reason they didn't have sex. 

 

I do not think this is true.  After few seconds of kissing, she would of stop if she did think of you. The fact that they made out means she didn't even think of you and if she did it didn't matter to her. I mean, it can't be that she's thinking of you while they kiss for who knows how long.  That she's thinking of you while she's touching her private parts. 

That wouldn't go that far if she was thinking of you.

[VD01]

2 hours ago, Timshel said:

Not remorse, fear. She is a stay at home mom, taking care of the children. She gets a job and is vulnerable to a guy who is a 2$ talk. Why is she vulnerable?

Now she is even more isolated. Now she is shamed, everyone knows her indiscretion and now more than ever, she needs her family.

Your wife wanted to leave you; have you given any thought to what may have brought your marriage to this place? It's a wake up, for both of you.

Poor woman. Had to experience these things because of things she didn't do🤦‍♀️ 

You are being bias actually some people here are being  bias just because she is a woman and Mr.Fibble is a man. Because she is a woman you think of her as the "poor one" for going through all of this after cheating on her husband.

 

If their gender is reversed would you still feel sorry for her? If Mr. Fibble is a woman, pouring her heart out after finding out that her husband cheated would you still think of his wife(husband) that way?

If he's the one who cheated and everyone finds out about it and he lost his job, would you still think that way?

 

[usa1ah]

2 hours ago, Timshel said:

Not remorse, fear. She is a stay at home mom, taking care of the children. She gets a job and is vulnerable to a guy who is a 2$ talk. Why is she vulnerable?

Now she is even more isolated. Now she is shamed, everyone knows her indiscretion and now more than ever, she needs her family.

Your wife wanted to leave you; have you given any thought to what may have brought your marriage to this place? It's a wake up, for both of you.

That’s why there are 4 other wives actually having sex with him. He is a player and good at what he does. Some people are just good at figuring others out and know what buttons to push. 
 

Other then this your post doesn’t make any sense. She sees her kids everyday. She is staying with her mom right now. So what are you talking about??

Edited December 12, 2020 by usa1ah

[Buffer]

Brother, a lot here are saying to go easy, others are pushing to go hard. ‘It was just a kiss’s’ but they fail to address the decisions that she made to get those kisses. You raised concerns but were gaslight. She chose herself and what she was building over you and the children. You were never suppose to know. 
At the end of the day you have to look at yourself in the mirror and into the eyes 👀 of the innocent ones; your children. 
WW is hurting she wants her family and rightly so. But she now realised that you are not going to accept infidelity. 
I hope that you get through the festive season with her and children being together.  Then can communicate better between the two of you to see if this can end in R or if D is the better option for you. You are not abusing her. I just ask that you take your time in this relationship decisions that’s all. But respect ✊ you as it is your call. One day at a time. 
Buffer

[Zona]

5 hours ago, usa1ah said:

That’s why there are 4 other wives actually having sex with him. He is a player and good at what he does. Some people are just good at figuring others out and know what buttons to push. 

It is hard to imagine a wife blowing up her life by having an affair with the office dirt-bag, just for some sugary words and illicit sex, but of course it happens. Player or not, I believe that women are fully capable of avoiding an affair, regardless of whatever buttons are being pushed. People that have affairs do it because they want to, and because an office dirt bag like OM, or an ex, or a boss, give them the opportunity.

This is something that OP has to work through with his wife, so that she can understand what drove her to do it in the first place.

[Harry Korsnes]

5 minutes ago, Zona said:

This is something that OP has to work through with his wife, so that she can understand what drove her to do it in the first place.

I think its the exitment of the unknown and i think the w needs to figure out why. 

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

12 hours ago, Timshel said:

Your wife attempted to monkey branch and failed. Fear is not love.

There are bigger problems in your marriage than infidelity, she had two feet out the door and she made a huge mistake picking a loose d*ck. The caliber of this guy is an indication of the desperation she felt. No wonder she has lost weight and is depressed, she bet on the wrong horse, that has to hurt.

My advice, divorce and co parent.

There isn't a wrong or right answer here, take your time OP.

No, that was not the case. She just liked the attention from someone else than me. I mean, I get that. But she screwed up when she let it go further. That's on her.

I want to see how things go and how I feel over Christmas. There is no rush.

11 hours ago, MickeyBill said:

Depending on how you feel, maybe meet them there with a flexible leave time for you. If things are going well you can stick around longer but if it is uncomfortable you can wrap it up earlier. Might be a good thing. I know you are trying to find a way but until you figure out the destination, finding the path is tricky. You don't want to give false hope to her, you or the kids.. It's been about a month??? 

Yeah, I am going. Will meet her there, but told her over the phone I am not sure if it's a good idea so she knows. It's little over a month since our confrontation but it's been going on since like early May

[merrmeade]

Hey, let’s take it easy on the guy. It’s all true but there’s no judgment in the world that matters except his and what he can live with. It  doesn’t matter how far any of us think is too far for Mrs. Flibble to have gone. And it’s true that she is scared sh-tless right now of losing everything. Call it remorse. Call it fear. Call it both. But that just doesn’t matter either. SHE doesn’t matter.

It’s MR. Flibbble that Mr. Flibble needs to worry about. What you can live with long-term. Which decision will you be the most at peace with in five years? And even then, it doesn’t look like you’re ready to say ‘This is it” for the rest of our lives either way. No, you’re doing great taking things at the pace you are. She is not going to wither up and blow away. However long you need is how long she can wait. YOU need to only worry about taking the next step that’s in front of you. You were the one that was played and betrayed. You get to call the shots based on what’s right for you. Not doing that is the only thing you will regret imho.

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

9 hours ago, Timshel said:

Not remorse, fear. She is a stay at home mom, taking care of the children. She gets a job and is vulnerable to a guy who is a 2$ talk. Why is she vulnerable?

Now she is even more isolated. Now she is shamed, everyone knows her indiscretion and now more than ever, she needs her family.

Your wife wanted to leave you; have you given any thought to what may have brought your marriage to this place? It's a wake up, for both of you.

I agree, it's a wake up call. Or more like a crossroad. I told her many times during our talks if she wants out and she was offended I even suggested such a thing. She's fighting so I don't think that's the case. She told me the only thing she's afraid of is me leaving her.

The reasons why she did it are pretty clear - being SAHM and low self-esteem. Combine that with boring everyday life, put in a jerk who knows how to play it and it goes downhill from there.

1 hour ago, Zona said:

It is hard to imagine a wife blowing up her life by having an affair with the office dirt-bag, just for some sugary words and illicit sex, but of course it happens. Player or not, I believe that women are fully capable of avoiding an affair, regardless of whatever buttons are being pushed. People that have affairs do it because they want to, and because an office dirt bag like OM, or an ex, or a boss, give them the opportunity.

This is something that OP has to work through with his wife, so that she can understand what drove her to do it in the first place.

Tell me about it. She adressed this in her letter and in person. She knew what was hapenning, knew it was wrong but did it anyway. That's what hurts the most.

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

We are leaving now, wish me luck. Hope we can have a nice day at a ZOO and won't screw this up

[WorldsSecondGreatestLover]

Mr Flibble I want to share an idea with you.  Let me digress first:

On reddit some weeks ago there was an infidelity story that started similar to yours (but ended badly).  In it, the betrayed husband became aware that his wife was flirting with a manager at work before it had gotten serious.  Over a couple months, he repeatedly soft-confronted his wife, not quite letting her know what he knew, but making it clear "something was wrong" and giving her opportunities over and over, to stop it.  She never did, she eventually went physical and he served her papers immediately.

But here's the point I wanted to make: Husband and wife are supposed to be of one mind.  When one starts to stray or fall off the path, we RELY on our other half to bring us back to straight.  When the relationship is failing (as above) nothing can be done to straighten things out.

In your case, your wife's self esteem problems were beginning to throw her off the path.  But as a good husband, you noticed and immediately brought it to bear. 

This is the "relationship immune system" working as intended. 

Since she never did end up getting bedded (and really-- this is a LONG time to stand against a skilled player), I think you have a situation where she was desperately trying to keep straight, and you brought her back into the fold.

I think your circumstances represent a marriage working as intended.  She was quite literally "on her way crazy" and you did notice, and brought her back to sanity.  Other guy is a parasite that looks for people at a tipping point and uses them for his own pleasure.  But your relationship immune system detected the threat and removed it.  Now, as always, there's some scarring, but I expect the relationship can survive-- because she is too into the marriage to REALLY betray, and you are too into the marriage to miss the danger signs.

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

Should have stayed at home, the ZOO trip was a disaster.

Thing went great at first, wife seemed to be in great mood and happy, kids were happy, we made some chitchat and managed to avoid any serious talks. It was great.

Then it started raining a bit and I gave her my coat.

No idea why but she completely broke down sobbing and apologizing over and over again, all the good stuff.

In front of kids and everyone around.

It was horrible. She asked if we can go home so we left in a hurry and kids are confused as hell and disappointed.

I couldn't get out of her what is wrong but I told her I am not letting it go until she tells me what the hell was that. She even called herself "a c.nt" few times. She never in her life did that.

I hope it doesn't mean there is more she hasn't told me. It's the only thing I can think about now.

She now locked herself in a guest room and refuses to let me in. I can hear her crying and I have absoulutely no idea what should I do. Help me