Sad to say a friendship just ended.

[Emerald_11]

Hey everyone,

I have been good friends with a girl for over 10 years and we recently had a falling out. We will call her Samantha. A few years back she heard that I needed a new job because the program I was working for had lost funding and unexpectedly closed so she let me know her office job was hiring. I applied and got a position there. For a long time things were fine. The two of us would go out to lunch sometimes and we got along great.  The boss and owner of the company had always treated Samantha with a certain favoritism sort of like the teachers pet. I noticed that sometimes she talked about how she felt like she was the best employee there at the office and would mention things the boss said to her that made her feel this way. She had worked there longer than I had and I had actually learned a lot from her when I first started working there. Other employees started to notice that the boss seemed to like her the best and I overheard rumors that people who worked there suspected she was sleeping with the boss.  I never engaged in any conversations about this topic at work. A while later I initiated a conversation with the boss regarding days off that I needed due to the other manager denying my request I felt the need to address this with him to see if there was any way I could have the days I needed off for important court dates. During this text message exchange he said some really flirty and very inappropriate things. He seemed to be implying that I should go to his house and sit in his hot tub with him. He asked me personal questions about my love life and advised me to have as much sex as possible. I almost couldn't believe it. I politely declined to go to his hot tub and focused on work and the original reason for contacting him. Then about a week later Samantha and I were out on our lunch break with a new girl who had just been hired. The new girl told us she was going to quit already because the boss was texting her late at night and saying things that made her uncomfortable. Then I shared with them that I had a similar experience with him sending messages he probably should not as our boss. Then Samantha shared that he had made her uncomfortable before also.

Fast forward in time.... I no longer work there and neither does Samantha. I got a new job and left. Samantha told the boss he made her uncomfortable and then she was fired a few weeks later for supposed other reasons. Now she is suing the company for sexual harassment.  When she first talked to me about suing the company the plan was that we were both going to sue for harassment.  I gave her an entire month schedule of my days off and we were going to meet with a lawyer together. Then she went to the lawyer without me and basically excluded me from that. I could have contacted a lawyer myself but didn't.   Then almost every time I talked to her she would brag about how much money she is expecting to get from suing the boss. She doesn't actually have any evidence. I do believe her that he was inappropriate with her but I noticed that she seemed to enjoy the favoritism until she found out he was messaging other people as well. She had been asking me to send her the messages that I have saved on my phone and at first I was going to send them but after I realized that she doesn't really want me involved with the lawyer or legal case I told her I will not be sending the messages to her. She also asked me to write a statement which I also declined to do because all I ever witnessed was him treating her extra special at work. I did not see anything else that she says happened. She says he touched her leg one time and asked her some sexual questions. I believe her but I cannot write a statement if I didn't see it or hear it myself. 

Some other things that happened were- we were out at a bar together and a guy came up to me and bought me a drink. We were talking when she came back to the table. I introduced her to him and she said "I know we hooked up one time" then she walked away and began talking to different people there. The guy seemed embarrassed and left a few minutes later. Also once we were at a concert and a guy invited us to his pool party that weekend. Samantha was friends with this guys sister and knew where his house was I did not. The day of the party she called and uninvited me saying that there would be "too many people" So I didn't go...Then later she posted a bunch of pictures seeming to be having a great time on facebook at the pool party. 

I never really talked to her about these incidents until the other day. 

I took a long break from talking to this friend (A few months- basically the whole summer) but then we tried to talk a few days ago when she was writing on a facebook post about how she is upset she didn't get invited to a dinner I went to with some mutual friends. After I saw her message I decided to reach out to her...She still was asking for my screenshots of the creepy messages. I told her no. I also talked to her about how I noticed her sharing very sexual almost naked pictures of herself on social media all summer. Many of the pictures were just her on her bed or in her living room...I told her it made me sad to see her doing that because she is very beautiful and shouldn't need that kind of attention especially when she is suing someone for sexual harassment. A case that she excluded me from- and I am the one with actual evidence. I talked to her about what image of her it creates. I decided to tell her that I felt like she was very competitive both at our old job and around guys. I used the examples of the guy at the bar she said she had already hooked up with and the pool party uninvite. She denied that she said that about the guy. Maybe she doesn't remember but I have no reason to make this up. I told her that her behavior made me feel like she doesn't actually care about me. Later that day she unfriended me on facebook and sent me some text messages saying how I was a liar and how rude I was. I responded a few times attempting to explain but it seemed to be escalating her responses. So I blocked her phone number.

Then I heard from a mutual friend that Samantha had contacted her all upset about what I had told her. I didn't say much and just said that her and I live in different worlds. The mutual friend said it sounds like it was very complicated and she has faith I will do the right thing.. I plan to just not really talk about Samantha with mutual friends and if I see her in public or anything I will just say hello and leave it at that or let her lead if any conversation beyond that will happen. Do you think that is a good plan? 

I do feel really sad that this happened. Maybe I should not have said what I did but I  think friends should try to understand how their behavior effects others....It is never my intention to hurt anyone...

Thoughts? Advise? 

Thank you!

 

[Emerald_11]

I don't know why this post accidentally has a duplicate.....I can't figure out how to delete the second one.