Should I walk away?

[Jakeuk81]

Hi so I wanted to some advice and opinions about a recent relationship I've had. I'm so confused by the whole thing. 

To provide a bit of context met someone from tinder around 2 months ago. After exchanging messages we agreed to speak via the phone and if that went well we agreed we'd meet up for a date. The phone call went really well and we ended up speaking for over 2 hours and continued to speak and text everyday, more than often instigated by her. We eventually met up and had a fantastic first date in a park and shared a picnic and both admitted it felt like we'd known each other a long time and wanted to see each other again as soon as possible. She has children so I was prepared to work around that. We continued to speak on the phone, did virtual movie nights, messaged each other and met up again. Everything was going really well. We agreed that when she next had a free weekend it would be nice to go away for a couple of days, so I ended up booking a nice lodge and we spent last weekend together. It was an amazing weekend and at various time throughout the weekend she kept thanking me for doing this and saying she was so glad she met me etc. We left the lodge last Sunday and went our separate ways with her again thanking me for everything and she told me she couldn't wait to see me again. I felt fantastic and told her I feel the same way.

Fast forward 2 hours later I get a message via WhatsApp saying that she got carried away during the weekend and see's us as friends rather than anything romantic. I was completely stunned to be honest. You can usually tell when there's no spark there and at no point during the weekend did I get the sense she was felt like that. I replied and said if that how she feels then I can't do anything to change that however I did feel like I'd be led on somewhat and was disappointed. At that point she became livid and said I was ruthless, I'd made no effort over the weekend and didn't make her feel special. I have to add here that I paid for the entire weekend, bar some food she brought as we decided to self cater. I tried to reason with her and ask for clarification regarding my lack of effort however she was that angry I felt it was best to walk away and let her calm down. 

She messaged me later in the evening to apologise for her outburst and said she was just upset and sorry she took it out of me but reiterated she thinks good friends is probably the way forward. She since sent me a couple of messages and to which I did politely reply however I've not had any contact with her for a few days now. I'm a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment. On one hand I feel used, let down and angry. Telling me via a text message really annoyed me. On the other hand I miss the daily contact and phone calls and the whole companionship aspect of it. 

The whole thing has left me so confused and after being on a high since we met in person I feel like I'm on a bit of a comedown. I just don't know what to do for the best; do I just walk away and leave it be, do I try to salvage some kind of relationship with her, do I try again? Under normal circumstances I would let thing be and just walk away however there was such a spark and connection between us and that was something she agreed with on numerous occasions.  I don't get attached easily and it's caught me off guard how quickly I developed feelings for her.

[SumGuy]

Walk away. 

Having experienced such women, luckily not many times but once is too much, there are many possible reasons for what happened, none of them good and most of them very bad.

No matter what the reason, her very reaction and calling you "ruthless" after the what sounds like a weekend where she was having fun...is a kind of gas lighting and rewriting of history to make her feel better for changing her mind.   I am assuming you were a gentlemen and not like pressuring her for sex constantly despite her saying no...or always deciding what was to be done next despite her desires.

It happens people have a good time and then think, well that was fun but not as my boyfriend going forward.  Especially on a ride home thinking about how all this fits in with her children, perhaps trigger fears of commitment, etc..   That happens but no need to make it the other persons fault.   Personally, even though can accept that happens and empathize that people are often just feeling out things...it does say to me this is a person who really doesn't know themselves or what they want (oh they think they do), which at my age (50+) that is unacceptable for a LTR.

On spark, connection, look at it an see if that connection was her just mirroring you.  Many a mentally messed up person can be charming and love bomb well.  

Also no matter what you felt and thought about connection (regardless of her words, talk is cheap), now you know by actions that the connection is not there.  What you were falling for and developed feelings for was a fantasy, not the real her, the reality of her is not so nice. 

 

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry that she behaved like that.  It sounds like she's irrational.  You have only wasted 2 months on her.  Don't waste more time.  

Chalk the weekend up to a bit of fun.  hang on to the good parts -- you got a  break from the doldrums of the pandemic.  Jettison the bad parts. 

Decline the friendship.  It's a white lie not a real off anyway.  Disconnect on all platforms.  Delete her phone #.  

[Jakeuk81]

Thank you for the reply, both are appreciated.  It''s always good to get another parties opinions about these things and I'm in agreement the best thing is to walk away and leave it.