How do I live with myself

[mark clemson]

4 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

From my perspective your way is dishonest trickery that is actually stealing someone's choice.  My veiw is if I've done something that I know there is a chance it would alter my wifes desire to be with me I owe it to her to give her that information and allow her to accept it or move on.

You're entitled to your view. I doubt your marriage is all that much better than anyone else's. Perhaps I'm wrong. My wife seems very happy to be married to me now, today, and I'm not in any affairs. So perhaps alls well that ends well.

I still don't see any justification in anything you've posted for convincing internet strangers into blowing up their lives (IMO under false pretenses) by talking them into taking risks they otherwise wouldn't be inclined to take. Perhaps that's a form of stealing someone else's choice too.

[DKT3]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

You're entitled to your view. I doubt your marriage is all that much better than anyone else's. Perhaps I'm wrong. My wife seems very happy to be married to me now, today, and I'm not in any affairs. So perhaps alls well that ends well.

I still don't see any justification in anything you've posted for convincing internet strangers into blowing up their lives (IMO under false pretenses) by talking them into taking risks they otherwise wouldn't be inclined to take. Perhaps that's a form of stealing someone else's choice too.

Affairs blow up lives not being honest about them. If the goal was stayed married then one would not be involved with others right?  No room on that moral highway for such hypocritical nonsense.  

Ignorance is bliss, until there is no longer Ignorance 

[mark clemson]

11 hours ago, DKT3 said:

Affairs blow up lives not being honest about them. If the goal was stayed married then one would not be involved with others right?  No room on that moral highway for such hypocritical nonsense. 

Hmm. Well I don't want to come across as condoning affairs, as I don't. That said, sometimes affairs that remain undiscovered DON'T blow up lives. And sometimes revealing an undiscovered one DOES blow up lives. So - baloney?

If the goal of an AP is to leave the marriage, then why don't they simply divorce? Seems like the goal must be more complicated than that. (This is a rhetorical question as I don't want this to turn into a full-blown T/J.) Also, haven't you tried to claim in the past that exit affairs aren't really a thing?

Lots of inconsistencies. Seems quite strange coming from a person proclaiming the importance of honesty. Hmmm. Maybe that moral highway is a bit more spacious than you claim as well.

Edited November 11, 2020 by mark clemson

[Robert2016]

I offer no opinion as to whether you should confess to your husband.

Dump the OM permanently.  He's a cheater like you and therefore not a safe life partner.

I suggest you get yourself into therapy.  Why?  Because nobody (including your husband) made you cheat.  There's always other options - but you chose to cheat.

To make yourself safe for your husband or your next life partner you need to dig deep and identify why you allowed yourself to cheat.

Otherwise you're at a very high risk to cheat again.