QuietRiot Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 Some things I've noticed when I was able to get dates with women were that they were all having met them in person, most of them, and nextly, that when I had asked them what they are looking for in a man, they don't come near to the long list of criteria that you see with online dating. Most responses were like "Um...I dunno..he's nice, funny, a gentleman". Very basics. Some even mentioned these are the basics that attracted them to me. So...it is very much a contrast in what woman look for when they meet a guy in person...the simple, humanistic things, vs. a lot of "Must haves" that they list in online dating profiles. Does the earlier indicate that it's not really good to just be okay with what they've mentioned to me, or would it behoove them to have a longer list of criteria? Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: when I had asked them what they are looking for in a man Do you ask every woman you've dated or otherwise been with sexually, this question and do you find it helpful to ask? I'm just curious, since in all of the times I flirted with, hooked up with, picked up, dated, shacked up with and married different women. I had never asked any of them, what they were looking for in a man. Edited November 9, 2020 by 5x5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 OK but she is hardly going to say Blonde, Blue eyed and built like Norse God, is she? She may have a huge list, but she would need to be pretty tactless to come out with a load of stuff, none of which describes you... Why do you bother asking? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 9 hours ago, QuietRiot said: Some things I've noticed when I was able to get dates with women were that they were all having met them in person, most of them, and nextly, that when I had asked them what they are looking for in a man, they don't come near to the long list of criteria that you see with online dating. Most responses were like "Um...I dunno..he's nice, funny, a gentleman". Very basics. Some even mentioned these are the basics that attracted them to me. So...it is very much a contrast in what woman look for when they meet a guy in person...the simple, humanistic things, vs. a lot of "Must haves" that they list in online dating profiles. Does the earlier indicate that it's not really good to just be okay with what they've mentioned to me, or would it behoove them to have a longer list of criteria? I think it may be a sampling bias or quirk. Much easier to list things in writing than a long list in front of someone. Also, never saw too many women's profiles that had "lists" besides the basics you mention. Now I certainly remember the OLD profiles that read like a check list for launch of the space shuttle, but believe these lists just stick in my mind given there oddity. Most profiles were pretty ho hum in what they were looking for, things I would have thought you didn't even need to mention like, honesty, nice, mannered, no cheaters, no racists....as if there are a lot of women out there who are good with a lying, cheating, rude, mean and racist man. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 9 hours ago, elaine567 said: OK but she is hardly going to say Blonde, Blue eyed and built like Norse God, is she? ... Why would she when she can see I'm all that with her own eyes! :) That's a joke by the way. Also I thought we wanted to look like a Greek God, I really need direction as to which pantheon of unrealistic body image I am supposed to hold myself to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 I've never used OLD but I have a vague understanding of the kinds of unreasonable lists that people may use on such sites. They just use all sorts of traits that they think are desirable (and not necessarily desirable to them - the self awareness isn't always there) and hope that the "right" person falls into their lap. Very little basis in the "reality" of people. Flip side, someone you meet in real life spends more time in the real world. They give more consideration to feelings of chemistry, attraction and compatibility that are a lot more difficult to put into words, but make a potential relationship (or even a hook up) "feel" right. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 12 hours ago, QuietRiot said: Does the earlier indicate that it's not really good to just be okay with what they've mentioned to me, or would it behoove them to have a longer list of criteria? Why would it not be Ok with what they've mentioned to you? Are you viewing the question as some kind of test? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 Thank you for using the word ‘ nextly’I feel like it’s underutilized. What Elaine said. Are you sure that they were being honest with you? I will say though that online dating is pretty impersonal so it makes sense that people who meet you online have different standards than those who meet you in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 You're not gonna tell a guy your whole list. You don't wanna scare him 😛 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 22 hours ago, QuietRiot said: I had asked them what they are looking for in a man, It's a loaded question and they were wise to be vague and not step into that landmine. Don't ask stuff like that on dates. It sounds like you are talking a survey at best and horribly insecure at worst. Ask appropriate questions about them, not questions about yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 Very few people know exactly what they want, people newer to dating and relationships also don't know what they don't want. Questions like that might seem like you're getting to the crux of things, but all you're going to do is create awkwardness and put your date under a lot of pressure to start making concrete decisions when it's supposed to be a fun and easy-going time. I'm not saying some people aren't methodical about dating but generally even criteria doesn't prepare us well. You can meet someone who fits all the criteria but just doesn't ignite the spark. Adversely, you can meet someone who does stuff you would never imagine you'd be okay with (for me it was that my partner smoked when I met them) but you look past it because the chemistry is too great to pass up. TL:DR: ignore the "must-haves" or the lists. The only thing that matters is chemistry, which cannot be forced. I agree with the above, ask your date questions with interest, focus on having a mutually interesting conversation. Don't see dates as a screening, it'll feel like one - awkward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 Some women have long grocery lists of what they want in a man. It's funny how sometimes, when they meet Mr. Right, they lose their list. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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