LDR goes well until today.

[Daslynn]

Hi, my LDR boyfriend just recently broke up with me over a call after 1 1/2 year in LDR and known him almost two years. Our age gap was about seven years. Through out the relationship, I met him once in his city. That was the time we decided to start the LDR. I am always there for him mentally via phone call whenever bad things happen to people around him. I'm just being there to support and loving him. Our plan to close the distance was somewhere in the future we do talk about it sometimes and asked about our daily lives.
Just two weeks ago, something came up and in that process he met someone else. He was being honest with me and saying that he likes her. My heart just sinked and speechless. He told me that throughout our relationship he truly loves me and care for me. Just because of the distance he was feeling lonely and empty. And he reminded me that he really do loves me and cherish the memories of us together. At first, I cried as he said that but I ended up saying I would want to continue this friendship even though our relationship was over. I told him that I will always be here if he needs me, if he wants to share anything with me or even just anything really. We decided not to block each other but just "try" to be friends even we were lovers. He was reluctant at first but he respect my decision. I do hope that someday we will get back together. But for now, I'm truly lost of direction and heartbroken as we always talked and call most of the days. Please help.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Daslynn said:

 At first, I cried as he said that but I ended up saying I would want to continue this friendship even though our relationship was over. I told him that I will always be here if he needs me, if he wants to share anything with me or even just anything really. We decided not to block each other but just "try" to be friends even we were lovers. 

Oh Daslynn, no. Just don't do this to yourself. 

You are going to be so hurt when he continues to distance himself from you. If he was reluctant to be friends, you need to bow out gracefully and realize he doesn't really want to be friends. His new girl is also not likely to be okay with you in the background trying to be friends. It's just a bad idea for so many reasons. ou need time to heal and you don't want to be that clingy ex who won't let go. He's probably being honest that he just can't do the long-distance thing anymore and wants someone closer. It's sad but it's the reason many LDRs don't work out. 

To clarify - did you only meet once in total in 1.5 years? Or did he also come and visit you? And what do you mean you were there for him mentally? 

 

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.  Sometimes this is how LDRs work  When the distance can't be overcome, it kills feelings.  Somebody wants somebody who can be right there. 

Lick your wounds.  Grieve the loss & when you are ready date locally.  

[scooby-philly]

I was in a similar situation. Dated someone younger that was 2hrs away. She was still living with family and after almost 2 years together she just called it quits one day. Via text and IM on top of that. I was devastated.  Heartbroken doesn't even do it justice. But...as inlesrned and others shared with you...if there's no concrete plan to bridge the distance those things can and often do happen in ldrs. That's the number one reason why they don't work out. It's a shame but it's life. Heal and grow and get yourself ready for the next relationship. That's all you can do. If he was totally in love with you or more mature he would have been working on things to close the gap and to also protect his feelings for you. But unfortunately he didn't. It's a damn shame but you're better off with someone who in a similar situation would have risen to the occasion. 

[MeadowFlower]

That is terrible @Daslynn

 

On 11/10/2020 at 2:08 AM, Daslynn said:

Just because of the distance he was feeling lonely and empty. And he reminded me that he really do loves me and cherish the memories of us together.

Firstly, this is hard, but he does not love you. Someone who loves another does not leave them. Remember that you deserve someone who does love you. 

On 11/10/2020 at 2:08 AM, Daslynn said:

saying I would want to continue this friendship even though our relationship was over. I told him that I will always be here if he needs me, if he wants to share anything with me or even just anything really. We decided not to block each other but just "try" to be friends even we were lovers.

He doesn't deserve your friendship! He could have had that, but he threw it away. It's all or nothing. 

Edited December 6, 2020 by MeadowFlower

[Watercolors]

Sorry to read that he broke up with you. But, this happens quite a lot with LDR.
He was honest with you at least. He told you that he was too lonely, so he met someone locally, who lives closer to him then you do.
Please don't waste your time waiting for him to give you a second chance.
The reason he dumped you is because of the distance. So, don't pine for him. Don't postpone your lovelife waiting for him. He's done, unfortunately.
Do not promise him your undying friendship. He already took advantage of you for nearly 2 years, because you allowed him to constantly contact you to complain to.
Do not be so accommodating like that. It makes you appear very weak.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to date locally in your city. You will be much happier.
 

[Wiseman2]

On 11/9/2020 at 8:08 AM, Daslynn said:

, I met him once in his city.

I'm just being there to support and loving him. 

Sorry this happened. LDRs are difficult in themselves but one date and mostly phone communication is quite unsatisfying.

Unfortunately you got too wrapped up in future talk and too wrapped up in putting your own needs aside to play teletherapy with him.

This event is a blessing. It sets you free from this untenable situation to start talking to and meeting Local men in your own life stage who you have a more realistic chance with.

It would be a good idea to reflect on why you chose someone unavailable. Unavailable people choose other unavailable people. Think about that.