Guys do not want to meet me again after the first date

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

That is funny because I have actually met some guys who were not as attractive in person, but as the date went on and I knew their personality, I found myself attracted to them, because I was able to see their body language and lots of things I didn't see before.

This^ is a woman's frame, not men's.  For men, especially first meets, they take one look and will make an assessment in a matter of seconds. 

There are exceptions, more so when you meet in real life and get a chance to know each other slowly outside of dating. 

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

I think it's possible, though. Let's say he was an insecure guy and felt intimidated by a very good-looking woman, he might be okay  with dating a woman whom he thought was in his "league" (that word annoys me, but since folks love using it so much... 😆). So he sees a woman who looks like she fits his criteria online, makes a date to meet her, shows up and finds she's extremely good looking. He doesn't think he's good enough for her, so he disappears.

I wasn't talking about a man feeling intimidated or insecure because she's more beautiful in person than in pics.

I was talking about feeling "deceived."  

Also, some people are not as photogenic as others.  Some are more photogenic.  

Some people's pics will be natural, low key (like mine and Trail's gf from what he posted) and some will use special lighting, angles, makeup (I've even seen men wearing makeup! lol), the latter of which is deceiving imo.

But a man finding a woman too beautiful in person and feeling insecure or intimidated?  

That is not deception. 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

I would be bothered by it were it dramatically different than the profile.  To me it’s about trust. What else have you told me was not true.

Hey Ami, the quote above was in response to a woman being more attractive in person than her on line pics.

So, if I am reading this correctly, if a woman's pics were low key and natural, or she wasn't as photogenic as her more beautiful real life presence, you would actually feel deceived like you couldn't trust her?   And wonder what else she wasn't being truthful about? 

No judgment from me if you do, I just cannot wrap my brain around that mindset.  It's a bit unfair and harsh imo.

Edited November 15, 2020 by poppyfields

[Acacia98]

39 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

But a man finding a woman too beautiful in person and feeling insecure or intimidated?  

That is not deception. 

I need to introduce you to some of the people I've interacted with. You'd be surprised at some of the twists and turns people's minds can take when they're insecure to the point of being paranoid. 🙂

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

I need to introduce you to some of the people I've interacted with. You'd be surprised at some of the twists and turns people's minds can take when they're insecure to the point of being paranoid. 🙂

Wow okay fair enough. But again is it really deception though?  I suppose in their twisted insecure minds it is, but thinking it doesn't necessarily make it so. 

Does it?  I'm sure there are differences of opinion about that, but I don't think it does.

But yeah wow, thanks for clarifying.

 

[CLS63AMG]

OP have you posted accurate photos of yourself yet or do you want more 1st dates that go nowhere?

[SumGuy]

48 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hey Ami, the quote above was in response to a woman being more attractive in person than her on line pics.

So, if I am reading this correctly, if a woman's pics were low key and natural, or she wasn't as photogenic as her more beautiful real life presence, you would actually feel deceived like you couldn't trust her?   And wonder what else she wasn't being truthful about? 

No judgment from me if you do, I just cannot wrap my brain around that mindset.  It's a bit unfair and harsh imo.

@poppyfields  I agree with you but have encountered men who are put off by women who are too beautiful.  Yes it is a bit of a mind-flip and yes have heard many excuses for it, not trust them is classic.  It really comes down to they are intimidated and suffer from "league" thinking as in she is out of my league and could never keep her.  Whatever I say, if that is how you think it certainly will come true.   My thought process is "she is rooting for me," and it always worked for me.

I find it more sad than anything else for the guy, for the woman she is dodging a bullet.

I would say that 3 in 4 of the women I met through OLD were more attractive in person and certainly get why they may have more low key photos.  After all I down play things in the money category so her doing so in the looks category makes sense, as we are both after people where looks (you don't need to be in a bikini to rule my world) and money are not our primary way of seeking someone.

P.S. I hate to say she downplays her looks, because to me that implies more glamour and sexiness is the baseline.  I just don't buy that, it is for some, it would be for a meat market, but if interested in serious LTR, low key and natural seems to be best if that is you day to day.

Edited November 15, 2020 by SumGuy

[Cookiesandough]

Yes, it is twisted but when you meet a stranger and they seem much different than you envision them your mind tends to go to deception.. I don’t exactly know why this is.‘Stranger’ might be the key here.Also that there IS a motive to do so...

Like in the case of the guy I met,  I could look at his pictures and tell that they were the same guy. Maybe he didn’t know.

However, I somehow got the impression that he knew what he was doing and lying by omission( purposefully obscuring his appearance so that I wouldn’t be able to accurately tell  what he looked like now)that seems to be the case with the OP. She is purposefully not putting up pictures because she admits she does not feel like the person that she is now and feels unrecognizable to herself. That is her appearance though. And while I understand the whole idea of the dissonance between how she feels v how she looks currently and I’m sure that she can get back to where she was  quickly, that is how she looks now. That is who she is. if she wants to take a break from dating until she gets another way, that’s fine,  but it’s not fair to the guys to not be transparent about that . 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

 

I would say that 3 in 4 of the women I met through OLD were more attractive in person and certainly get why they may have more low key photos.  After all I down play things in the money category so her doing so in the looks category makes sense, as we are both after people where looks (you don't need to be in a bikini to rule my world) and money are not our primary way of seeking someone.

Thanks SG, your post made sense, I understand.  And 100% agree with the above quote!  😆

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, miss2017 said:

am very proud of buying a house all on my own, it's a big achievement for me as I wanted to do that for years. And actually I want to buy more houses for investments. So a guy that sees that as a bad thing or feels intimidated by it can go f*** off immediately. 

There are plenty of guys who own houses too, not just me I'm sure.

When a man is physically attracted to a woman, her owning a home is a plus, plus that they brag about.  They aren't intimidated by that at all especially if they too are home owners. Saying that; if they are physically attracted to a woman they really don't care if she owns a home or not because a lot of men are providers and like it that way.

Edited November 15, 2020 by stillafool

[CLS63AMG]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

When a man is physically attracted to a woman, her owning a home is a plus, plus that they brag about.  They aren't intimidated by that at all especially if they too are home owners. Saying that; if they are physically attracted to a woman they really don't care if she owns a home or not because a lot of men are providers and like it that way.

She's a home owner and is dating unemployed men that live with their parents still in their late 30's and early 40's and uses old photos of herself to draw them in.  Is everyone getting the picture yet?

[Ami1uwant]

9 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Excess weight shows up in the face and neck. Thin people have thin faces. Most people can judge whether a person is fat or thin by just looking at the face, full body shots are not needed to assess weight. These guys will have assumed she was thin from her face pics.
Had the head shots been recent, then there may not have not been so much of an issue. Her face would match the pics and her body. 
She presented herself as a thin person, but was two and a half stones heavier in reality. 

As all a person has to go on on  OLD is pics, then they have to be as accurate as possible.  They have to match the image you want to project.
One cannot present an image on OLD of clean cut, tatt free, suited and booted, to show up with long hair, a beard, scruffy jeans and a body covered in tatts and expect success.. 

it all depends DS on the person.

 

it doesn’t correlate like that.  It depends slot on how the weight is placed like sll over or in the hips and butt

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

She's a home owner and is dating unemployed men that live with their parents still in their late 30's and early 40's and uses old photos of herself to draw them in.  Is everyone getting the picture yet?

This is a good point OP.  Why are you choosing guys who have nothing going for them and then accusing them of being intimidated by your success?  

[Ami1uwant]

8 hours ago, miss2017 said:

I am meeting someone for a first date, not to get married and make plans of living together! 

Also, a house is an investment. I can decide to live with someone elsewhere and rent my house. Solved.

So that makes no sense.

I am very proud of buying a house all on my own, it's a big achievement for me as I wanted to do that for years. And actually I want to buy more houses for investments. So a guy that sees that as a bad thing or feels intimidated by it can go f*** off immediately. 

There are plenty of guys who own houses too, not just me I'm sure.

you are not getting it.

 

buying a house means you decided where you want to live and want someone who fits your own world.

 

buying a home is not some status symbol because many bought houses when they shouldn’t have.  It affected thrm in 2008-2020 and affects them now.

yes guys can own homes too and it’s a similar situation of I want someone eho firs the world they live in.

 

if you live in a large metro area where you live can affect dating choices.  If you each live on opposite sides of a city that means 45+ min drive to visit the other. It might be fine if you both work in the same area because the lunch and dinners are eadier and on some days you stsy over at each other’s places and go to work together.  If you don’t lives down wotk near each other you might choose to not date her because you won’t be able to see each other during the week.  
 

this coukd bea big factor in decision making.

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

31 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

She's a home owner and is dating unemployed men that live with their parents still in their late 30's and early 40's and uses old photos of herself to draw them in.  Is everyone getting the picture yet?

This 

[Weezy1973]

31 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

She's a home owner and is dating unemployed men that live with their parents still in their late 30's and early 40's and uses old photos of herself to draw them in.  Is everyone getting the picture yet?

Yup. Her story just isn’t lining up. OP, what was your dating life like before the weight gain? 

[Happy Lemming]

11 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

buying a house means you decided where you want to live and want someone who fits your own world.

Not necessarily... one can purchase a house as an investment vehicle.

Buy, fix up, sell, make profit, and continue the process...

[CLS63AMG]

36 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This is a good point OP.  Why are you choosing guys who have nothing going for them and then accusing them of being intimidated by your success?  

Deflection, they aren't intimidated at all

[poppyfields]

>>"If you live in a large metro area where you live can affect dating choices.  If you each live on opposite sides of a city that means 45+ min drive to visit the other. It might be fine if you both work in the same area because the lunch and dinners are eadier and on some days you stsy over at each other’s places and go to work together.  If you don’t lives down wotk near each other you might choose to not date her because you won't be able to see her during the week."<<

Fair point but every single guy she's met within the last YEAR?  She posted around 20 guys.  

Seems odd they would all feel that way.  

Hell, I had guys who lived long distance intentionally seeking me out precisely because I lived a distance away!  There are men who actually prefer long distance. 

So have many many other women.  So again seems odd that every guy would feel that way.

Not to mention, when attracted all that falls by the wayside anyway at least temporarily for most or many men.

Edited November 15, 2020 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

37 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

you are not getting it.

 

buying a house means you decided where you want to live and want someone who fits your own world.

 

buying a home is not some status symbol because many bought houses when they shouldn’t have.  It affected thrm in 2008-2020 and affects them now.

yes guys can own homes too and it’s a similar situation of I want someone eho firs the world they live in.

 

if you live in a large metro area where you live can affect dating choices.  If you each live on opposite sides of a city that means 45+ min drive to visit the other. It might be fine if you both work in the same area because the lunch and dinners are eadier and on some days you stsy over at each other’s places and go to work together.  If you don’t lives down wotk near each other you might choose to not date her because you won’t be able to see each other during the week.  
 

this coukd bea big factor in decision making.

 

 

Yes, it could be one of them did not like the color of her eyes or had some hang up about her being a homeowner. But with all of the guys she’s going out with from the internet rejecting her, let’s cut through this with Occam’s razor. She is using old pics at a different weight. Weight hugely impacts attraction/looks and this is only exacerbated by the extremely shallow, fickle sphere of online dating. Not really any surprise there. 

 

c’mon with the name calling...unnecessary 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Not necessarily... one can purchase a house as an investment vehicle.

Buy, fix up, sell, make profit, and continue the process...

That is not normal.  If they are planning on flipping it then thefocusisworkingon the house and not the relationship.

 

renting out a house is something  most should not do.

[Happy Lemming]

18 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

That is not normal.  If they are planning on flipping it then thefocusisworkingon the house and not the relationship.

One is not exclusive of the other.  You can do both (work on a house and have a relationship).

And yes, I have known a few women house flippers.

I knew one very successful female house investor, she did a lot of high risk stuff, but she made money and she was in a relationship.  I don't remember much about the guy she was dating, but he didn't get involved in her investment ventures.

Edited November 15, 2020 by Happy Lemming
spelling

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

That’s why I am postponing OLD now until I lose the weight...

Why not take and post some recent pictures.  Some guys don't mind a woman with a "little meat on their bones".

[miss2017]

27 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

That is not normal.  If they are planning on flipping it then thefocusisworkingon the house and not the relationship.

 

renting out a house is something  most should not do.

Actually my goal in having bought this house is investment. I don’t plan in living here forever.

I bought the house at a very good price because it needed lots of work, I did all the work and now I am living there and want to wait a few years because in a few years it’s going to value double. 

Then my plan is to sell or rent it and buy another house that is bigger to live in another location. 

And maybe will do the same again, who knows!?

That is not incompatible with a relationship. 

And someone who only knows ‘I own a house’ has no idea of my intentions.

[miss2017]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Why not take and post some recent pictures.  Some guys don't mind a woman with a "little meat on their bones".

Because I do mind and I don’t want to deceive anyone when I am in the process of losing that weight.