Guys do not want to meet me again after the first date

[poppyfields]

58 minutes ago, Mystery4me said:

90% sure it's because they are not attracted to you.

Yup, about sums it up.  Physical energy is elusive, so even though they found your pics attractive before meet, in person can be quite different.

I think you might have better luck by attending events and meet ups, where they can meet you face to face and get to know you, without the build up and anticipation associated with OLD.

Try to not let it you down.  OLD is not for everyone.

Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[CLS63AMG]

1 hour ago, Mystery4me said:

90% sure it's because they are not attracted to you.

Its her pictures, I've gone on these dates where the girl looks nothing like her photos, I'll have a coffee and some crappy small talk but I am outta there as soon as possible and she typically gets the block-hammer as soon as I get home for wasting my time.

 

A friends sister was having the same problem so I had her show me her dating profile, all glam photos where she looked like a freaking super model, and trust me, she did not in person.  I told her that was why she wasn't finding success, get rid of the glam photos, post some actual ones and yes, you'll get fewer dates but they'll be much better dates when you have them. 

Edited November 10, 2020 by CLS63AMG

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

Its her pictures, I've gone on these dates where the girl looks nothing like her photos, I'll have a coffee and some crappy small talk but I am outta there as soon as possible and she typically gets the block-hammer as soon as I get home for wasting my time.

She said her pics are recent and a true accurate depiction.  I think it's her energy or lack thereof - sexual energy. 

See my first post.  I've had men including boyfriends admit this.

Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[CLS63AMG]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

She said her pics are recent and a true depiction.  I think it's her energy or lack thereof - sexual energy.  

That means nothing if they're just head shots or heavily filtered, weird angles etc.  Its the only thing that will turn off every guy she's met.  Most men will always go for a 2nd date just for the sex factor, they aren't even doing that.

Edited November 10, 2020 by CLS63AMG

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

Most men will always go for a 2nd date just for the sex factor, they aren't even doing that.

True but what if she's attractive but lacks sexual energy and they don't feel like they want to have sex with her? 

Attractiveness does not always equate to sexual energy.  Many otherwise attractive women (and men) lack a certain sexual vibe, which can hinder their success especially as it relates to OLD.

I'm wondering if you read my first post on first page, and Mrin's response.

I've had men including boyfriends admit it's true. 

Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[CLS63AMG]

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

True but what if she's attractive but lacks sexual energy and they don't feel like they want to have sex with her? 

Attractiveness does not always equate to sexual energy.  Many otherwise attractive women (and men) lack a certain sexual vibe, which can hinder their success especially as it relates to OLD.

I'm wondering if you read my first post on first page, and Mrin's response.

I've had men including boyfriends admit it's true. 

That is a factor but it will not deter every guy from asking for a second date, not matching pictures will, or both.

Edited November 10, 2020 by CLS63AMG

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

That is a factor but it will not deter every guy from asking for a second date, not matching pictures will.

Ok fair enough.  Or maybe it's a combination of both.  

I agree to not posting glam shots and the like.

Not only will the "real" you not match the "on-line" you (in most cases), but posting such shots reflects a "Look at me!  Aren't I a beauty?!" mindset which in and of itself is not attractive from what I've read and been told. 

When I did OLD and men posted "model" shots, immediate next! 

Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[miss2017]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

It's always been a competitive world out there. You need to keep up your appearance (Please don't give up), .... you also need to present well in your mannerisms, body language, smile/ strong eye contact, topic of conversation, positive outlook, confidence, charm, flirtation, etc.

You want to get serious? I agree with Fletch, a dating coach is what you might need. Maybe there is something they can correct for you, and get you on your way to second dates!

No, in order to attract the right person you just need to be yourself.

This is not a competition to win a prize. This is real life to meet someone who is a true match, real love. 

You don’t need manneirisms, charm, flirtation. You need to be the real you. 

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

No, in order to attract the right person you just need to be yourself.

This is not a competition to win a prize. This is real life to meet someone who is a true match, real love. 

You don’t need manneirisms, charm, flirtation. You need to be the real you. 

I agree with you miss.  All that other stuff sounds contrived and disingenuous.

Of course one needs to present well, but keep it real.

Have you tried singles events and meet ups where you can meet face to face first?  

 

[miss2017]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I agree with you miss.  All that other stuff sounds contrived and disingenuous.

Of course one needs to present well, but keep it real.

Have you tried singles events and meet ups where you can meet face to face first?  

 

Yes that other stuff sounds like BS to get validation, not to find the right person. There’s no competition for two people who find true love, which is what I want. 

I haven’t tried face to face events no, maybe will give it a try.

I cannot believe is how I look or how I am. Even yesterday I’ve had a guy coming to my house to fix some stuff and I was wearing casual clothes, no make up, and he was flirting with me! Saying it’s not possible I am single and etc. So I guess that’s not the issue.

Maybe the issue is I am in the wrong place, like you won’t find a Chanel bag at Primark.

Edited November 10, 2020 by miss2017

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

I cannot believe is how I look or how I am. Even yesterday I’ve had a guy coming to my house to fix some stuff and I was wearing casual clothes, no make up, and he was flirting with me! Saying it’s not possible I am single and etc. 

Well hell, I think this proves you do much better with face to face meets than when meeting on line, transitioning to face to face.  

Don't try to figure it out, you won't.  All you know is that after a year and no second dates, it's time to switch it up to real life, where guys find you attractive in person straight from the get.

Don't you think?  

[ThereSheGoes]

OP, welcome to being a single woman in 2020.  Dating is literally the most horrific experience. Like me, you sound burnt out, and you just don't care. You want a partner, but the whole song and dance, is just too much. Maybe take a break? Delete the apps, and just relax for a bit. These apps begin to eat away at your self esteem, and you start second guessing everything about yourself.

You don't have to prove yourself to these men. You don't have to give them a damn thing. Take some time off. Get back in there, when you are feeling more secure and like you can tackle the BS these dudes may throw at you.

[Miss Spider]

3 hours ago, Mystery4me said:

90% sure it's because they are not attracted to you.

Agree.

.If a man is attracted to you, you have to go pretty far out of your way to deter him from asking you for a second date. If there’s huge discrepancy(as in, everyone) between the interest you are getting online vs on the date, it seems you aren’t representing yourself accurately at the first place. This might not be intentional

[Ruby Slippers]

I think your burnt-out, cynical attitude is the problem. I understand it's not exactly easy to find someone good to date. Personally, I've never bothered even trying to date unless I'm in a good state of mind, feeling positive, hopeful, light, and fun.

I'm also very selective with upfront screening before I agree to meet anyone from online. This means that 99% of the time, we have a great first date and he asks me out again. I've always known that going on tons of random dates would be very draining and time-wasting for me.

Quality over quantity.

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Agree.

.If a man is attracted to you, you have to go pretty far out of your way to deter him from asking you for a second date. If there’s huge discrepancy(as in, everyone) between the interest you are getting online vs on the date, it seems you aren’t representing yourself accurately at the first place. This might not be intentional

Agreeing with this.  Since Mr. Fix-It found you attractive, was flirting, etc. it would appear your looks are not the issue.  As I was walking to work, I got to thinking about your sitch, and I am wondering, back to my post about energy and vibe, what kind of vibe you're giving off on these first meets?

Something sounds terribly off.   What are you conversations like?  Are they friendshippy types of conversations?  You mentioned there were a few you liked and would have liked to gone out with again, do you think they sense this vibe from you?  Do you call after the meet and say, "hey it was great to meet you, would love to do it again," or something like that?

Many men, even when they find you attractive, need a green light.   Even just a small one.  This is true when a woman is very attractive, men can feel intimidated sometimes.  And if you're sitting across from them and not sending any sort of vibe that you're attracted, otherwise coming off as somewhat standoffish, they won't risk asking for a second date.

I dunno, I know OLD is weird, but your story about Mr. Fix-It suggests it's something other than your looks.

Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Agreeing with this.  Since Mr. Fix-It found you attractive, was flirting, etc. it would appear your looks are not the issue.  As I was walking to work, I got to thinking about your sitch, and I am wondering, back to my post about energy and vibe, what kind of vibe you're giving off on these first meets?

Something sounds terribly off.   What are you conversations like?  Are they friendshippy types of conversations?  You mentioned there were a few you liked and would have liked to gone out with again, do you think they sense this vibe from you?  Do you call after the meet and say, "hey it was great to meet you, would love to do it again," or something like that?

Many men, even when they find you attractive, need a green light.   Even just a small one.  This is true when a woman is very attractive, men can feel intimidated sometimes.  And if you're sitting across from them and not sending any sort of vibe that you're attracted, otherwise coming off as somewhat standoffish, they won't risk asking for a second date.

I dunno, I know OLD is weird, but your story about Mr. Fix-It suggests it's something other than your looks.

I would say that there is a strong chance it could be her looks, and that “Mr. Fix-It” supports that. She is obviously attracting men if he was flirting with her. However, the men online are attracted to the way she is representing herself online, in her pictures, since that is all they have to go by. So it could be they are not asking her a second date when they see that she is not really that way. 

Edited November 10, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ThereSheGoes]

I will say this:

 

I've had dates where I was only going on them to get out of the house. Or they were bugging me to hang out with them. So I would go out with them, we would have a pleasant time, laughing and such, but I never saw those guys again. Not because I wasn't responding. They just never followed up. Now it could be because A. I didn't put that much effort in dolling myself up. Infact, one of them, I showed up in my around the house cleaning t-shirt. But also, I think it was because they could sense by how indifferent my behavior was, that I didn't care about impressing them or trying to build something with them. I was just there because I didn't want to eat tacos alone.

Guys like a girl that is super engaging, animated and full of energy.

Thats exhausting.

If you're not making them feel like they're Henry Cavill they will drop you. Quickly. You have to play in to their ego, unfortunately. And if you're just sitting up there, with no f**ks to give, they will move on to the next one.

[poppyfields]

You know miss, this may not be a factor (or it might be), but reading through this thread, I noticed you have not "liked" or "thanked" one person for their post.  Everyone has chimed in to try and help and not one thanks.

Like I said I don't know if it means anything, but imo it does reflect a bit of a standoffish attitude.  I am not judging you and mean no offense, it's simply an observation.  And if you're coming off this way on your own thread, where folks have taken the time to respond and help you, one has to wonder if you unintentionally are coming off this way on your first meets too.

You posted you are "nice" on these first meets.  What do you mean by this?  How are you nice?

Again, trying to help you figure this out, I mean no offense by it whatsoever.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Most of these men are being serviced by other women in FWB situations, and can afford to be extremely picky--even if they aren't all that themselves. 

Keep going and keep making a genuine effort. The man for you will not be anything like the others! It really does happen when you least expect it, and you will be so glad it didn't work out with these other shallow men.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, miss2017 said:

No, in order to attract the right person you just need to be yourself.

This is not a competition to win a prize. This is real life to meet someone who is a true match, real love. 

You don’t need manneirisms, charm, flirtation. You need to be the real you. 

Never said you couldn't....just saying you need to put your best foot forward and be more aware or your actions. Flirting and putting on the charm is simply part of dating. Been there done that. I liked doing it to show my interest in my date...it was fun to build that sexual tension.

I'm very experienced in dating, and doing the "dance" to attract men. I know a simple warm smile will pull them in. Anywho I'm trying to help you get that second date with the advice based on my successful experiences. The reality is that, nothing is working so far so why not try something that might. That is why you can here right?? What do you have to lose? Something is turning these guys off so lets do something different to change that. If it doesn't work, then we all can work on another strategy.

Edited November 10, 2020 by smackie9

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I would say that there is a strong chance it could be her looks, and that “Mr. Fix-It” supports that. She is obviously attracting men if he was flirting with her. However, the men online are attracted to the way she is representing herself online, in her pictures, since that is all they have to go by. So it could be they are not asking her a second date when they see that she is not really that way. 

Very true!  There is a lot of judging that happens on line, based on pics.  Then when you meet in person, they judge you differently, based on how you present IRL.   Looks, vibe, energy, the whole shibang.  Something's not jiving.

That's why I think you'd be better off meeting IRL first where they can see you and feel your vibe in person FIRST.

Also curious about Mr. Fix-It.  You said he was flirting, how did you respond to that?  Did HE ask you out?  If not, would you have wanted him to?

If you could return and answer questions, it would be helpful.  Thanks.

Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

I agree you can't beat meeting irl vs OLD. The attraction is what brings you together organically.

[poppyfields]

Just now, smackie9 said:

I agree you can't beat meeting irl vs OLD. The attraction is what brings you together organically.

Yup, OLD is a total crap shoot.  I met my fiancé that way, but I truly believe it was fate or sheer luck. 

[Miss Spider]

Agree. Hopefully this will help OP, but I can think of an example from my own experience. I had a meeting with a guy online who I thought was very attractive in his pictures. I am kind of super imposed an idea of him based on his pictures, not only face/body, but the way he was postured etc. 

Anyway, when we met in person, he looked completely different. I could refer back to the pictures and see that he was the same person in the pictures, but he looked nothing like that. I concluded that he was using very strong angles to his advantage. 
 

Therefore, I think it is best to post pictures of you at all different angles and some of your more ‘average’ ones than your best. 

Edited November 10, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ThereSheGoes]

Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

^ Agree. Hopefully this will help OP, but I can think of an example from my own experience. I had a meeting with a guy online who I thought was very attractive in his pictures. I am kind of super imposed an idea of him based on his pictures, not only face/body, but the way he was postured etc. 

Anyway, when we met in person, he looked completely different. I could refer back to the pictures and see that he was the same person in the pictures, but he looked nothing like that. I concluded that he was using very strong angles to his advantage. 

 

This reminds me of this guy I went out on a date with back in June. In his pictures, he was tall, handsome, looked like he had good shoulders, a ready smile.

When he showed up to my place, I was like...... "Harpo, who dis man?"

SO different from his pictures. But referring back to them, I could tell it WAS him. He wasn't catfishing.  Maybe they were just older pictures, maybe it was the lighting, I don't know. But he looked really handsome, with a boyish energy in his pics, but showing up.....I got Doc from Snow White.