We were together 1 year 3 months. He broke up with me suddenly

[ChinesegirlatUSA]

Hi everyone I would like to tell my story here and have some insights on it.

So, we met last summer on my birthday. July 2019. Connection was instant, days passed we fell in love so naturally. We were always together he is my best friend, I love him very much. 

throughout the relationship we learned a lot since we are from different countries and also we have different approaches on things. He is a bit more cold and i am loving and affectionate. Even so, we always had a good time together it was such a nice relationship and everybody around us agreed and supported it. I know I had some issues on for example not being to clingy or making tantrums for everything. 

we started a business together with a lot of hope but...
march... corona happened and the first lockdown was good, we took it with faith and hope it would end by September or something. I am from Mexico And he is from Colombia both of us working in Europe. 
family separation was very hard for me in last year and this year has been hard since I felt so uncertain about things in the world because of the pandemic. We did a trip and he made my birthday the best day of my life even though he was not very into romantic stuff or planning for others July 2020. August was good....

september another lockdown happened but we still managed to go to Greece and spend some days there. I lost my job and had a super stressful month where he was also very stressed because he could not find another job (his current one is not good anymore) he had interviews and never got anything. I had one interview and got an amazing job. From then on I started to make tantrums about how he was not romantic anymore how I wanted him to Olán things for us or go out with me in the morning (he was a night owl) we were all weekends together I barely saw my friends. But we were with his sister and cousin a lot. We started to feel so tense because we decided to move together and we were excited for it he even said he wanted a home with me and a cat, a balcony for my plants. 

october 2019 Plan surprise party for him and I feel him okay but distant. Those days he was very very clingy like he would curl up in my chest and fall asleep or hold my hand tight at night. I would keep on with the tantrums. 

on Saturday he had a job interview to move to another country and I didn’t feel like I supported him, I was upset he changed the plans of moving in together in January but I spoke to him and we were discussing he told me:

what I am going to say will hurt for both of us but it’s the best. I am not giving my 100% because I feel like our relationship had a peak in the summer and now it’s going downhill and I will only hurt you. I realized I don’t love you enough to go live with you I still want to travel and burn experiences. 
I asked him: you don’t love me?

he said no

Me: but you told me on Friday you loved me you slept on my chest in the morning! 
him; maybe we can slowly break up or give us some time.

me: NO you want a breakup and you don’t love me you will get that ITS THE BEST. 

i tell him to leave and he is surprised he thought he could stay, he reached for a goodbye kiss and I stepped aside angry. 

last time before he left the door I told him come... do you really not love me anymore? 
he thought about it for a second and said *sigh* no. 
then he left. 
i was in shock I called his sister and she said: how can he say he doesn’t love you? What does he think love looks like?

 

everybody I told about my breakup is VERY surprised and shocked. Me too.

he erased our Instagram pics, I didn’t yet. He didn’t delete me yet from social media. The first days were awful from the shock but today I feel so much better.  He texted me on Monday asking me if I had some things from him and I didn’t reply. I started no contact since day 1.

what do you think guys? I feel calmer now I believe he will reach out and we can work this out... we are 24 and 25

he is my best friend and I love him

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. He had to breakup because living together was too much too soon for him.

He's not as serious about it as you are. It's not about "love", it's about you wanting different things.

You want to play house and he wants more freedom.

If you are ok with casual sex and no future, he may come back for that, but he was honest about not wanting the constraints of a relationship.

[schlumpy]

8 hours ago, OceanPearls said:

what do you think guys? I feel calmer now I believe he will reach out and we can work this out... we are 24 and 25

he is my best friend and I love him

I think that you feel much more for him then he does for you and that puts you at an extreme disadvantage.

You are angry right now and resentful but that won't carry the day. How long will your NC last? When the phone rings does a little voice from your heart say, "It might be him!"

You have to decide if you are going dangle on his string or actually make efforts to move on without him and not worry about what he will thinks.

The ball is in his court. He knows you care about him. He has to initiate and come back to you with an equal measure of regard and respect or you will just find yourself being used.

Start with flushing him from online media.

Gather anything that is his and take it to one of his friends or relatives house. He can pick it up there.

Block his number on the phone.

Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. If you can't dispose of the memorabilia items then box them up and put them away in the attic.

Freshen up your living quarters with a new rug or furniture. Just repainting the room will help.

Don't talk about him anymore and do not allow your friends to mention him.

If he fights his way through all the roadblocks to get to you then maybe it will then be a level playing field.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I think all the tantrums were exhausting and turned him off. 

You can't tantrum someone into being who you want him to be. Your moods were coming from a place of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with the relationship, so I am not sure why you or anyone else is shocked that this didn't work out. You hadn't been very happy for at least a few months. Tantrums were not the way to handle it, but being so upset was your indication that you weren't enjoying this relationship. 

Over time, feeling like you can't make someone happy gets old and eventually the romance will die. I think that's what happened here. He doesn't want to keep trying to make it work. 

 

[FMW]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Over time, feeling like you can't make someone happy gets old and eventually the romance will die.

I agree with that, 100%.  The tantrums were exhausting and made him feel bad about himself - love can't flourish in that environment.  

[dangerous]

A lot of tantrums mentioned! I ended my last serious relationship because of her repeated tantrums, which she would not stop. She found another guy very quickly: either he puts up with her trantrums or she is happier and doesn't have them... I don't know which, all I know is I could not take them any longer.. 

Edited November 15, 2020 by dangerous