Wife dresses inappropriately around house guests?

[elaine567]

A 20 something woman walking about essentially topless with a thong in front of your roommate and his friends is asking for trouble.

i would not be surprised if he has already gone there and is showing off his "conquest" to his friends... He may be older but older men like sex too... 
She is dressing to please him not you.
The conservative girl you married is gone
Get your finances straight, move into a cheaper home and dispense with the roommate and  probably the wife too.
Yes women can do what they want, dress as they please but there is a thing called class, and your wife is showing none of that. 

[Riverman2000]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

A 20 something woman walking about essentially topless with a thong in front of your roommate and his friends is asking for trouble.

i would not be surprised if he has already gone there and is showing off his "conquest" to his friends... He may be older but older men like sex too... 
She is dressing to please him not you.
The conservative girl you married is gone
Get your finances straight, move into a cheaper home and dispense with the roommate and  probably the wife too.
Yes women can do what they want, dress as they please but there is a thing called class, and your wife is showing none of that. 

Agreed. I believe she has been faithful. I will have a talk with her because i believe it's inappropriate especially when I'm not present. She's 23 and our roommate is 55. Agreed that he should go

[Riverman2000]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

She is dressing to please him not you.
 

Never thought of that...

[Riverman2000]

22 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

A 20 something woman walking about essentially topless with a thong in front of your roommate and his friends is asking for trouble.

 

I've actually asked him before how she behaves when I'm not there or if she's gone topless because her fake boobs usually come up in discussion. I know they usually drink. But of course i get the usual answer of acourse not. Which i believed, so far. Just thought there is no way she'd sleep with him.

 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Riverman2000

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Riverman2000 said:

 her fake boobs usually come up in discussion.

Why are you discussing fake boobs with your roommates?

[Riverman2000]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why are you discussing fake boobs with your roommates?

They come up in general. Im not saying specifically him. They're right there and kinda hard to ignore (D size). I'm sure him and his friends have mentioned them to her when I'm not around. I'd be surprised if not 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Riverman2000

[Crazelnut]

Sorry, OP, but your wife wasn't ever conservative. She was really young and repressed. What you have now is a young wife who gets off titillating older guys and flaunting her body. Not to stereotype, but I can assure you that she is doing the same at work.  She doesn't actually care that you are uncomfortable with it. She cares about getting male attention more than she cares about your feelings. 

[Riverman2000]

33 minutes ago, Crazelnut said:

Sorry, OP, but your wife wasn't ever conservative. She was really young and repressed. What you have now is a young wife who gets off titillating older guys and flaunting her body. Not to stereotype, but I can assure you that she is doing the same at work.  She doesn't actually care that you are uncomfortable with it. She cares about getting male attention more than she cares about your feelings. 

I feel like we've been dating/married since she was young and she never really had a chance to experience and enjoy life being single. Now that she has her new breast...which i paid for

The work thing i get. She's in the bar industry. But at home? And infront of our roommate? If we're alone, wear whatever, but when guys are over, cover up some. It's the thong bikini and shirts with no bra that bothers me. Why can't she just wear a regular bathing suit? Or put on a bra under her shirt when people are over? 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Riverman2000

[Riverman2000]

20 minutes ago, Riverman2000 said:

I will talk with her today and express my concerns. I also want to mention our roommate needs to move to see her reaction. Or what's the best way to find out if she's physically cheating on me with our roommate and his friends? 

 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Riverman2000

[d0nnivain]

This is all about her showing off the new sexy her.   You married a quiet girl then paid to make her a sex kitten.  She quickly came to realize how much power her new breasts gave her & they have emboldened her.  

You have a real problem on your hands.  Between her behavior at home with the older male roommate & his buddies with alcohol plus her job at the bar, I don't see your marriage lasting much longer.  She likes being a hot 20s something & a broke accountant husband just gets in the way of that.  

Install some kind of nanny cam at your house by the pool without her knowledge or the knowledge of this roommate & you will probably get an eye full. 

I'm sorry.  

[Riverman2000]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

This is all about her showing off the new sexy her.   You married a quiet girl then paid to make her a sex kitten.  She quickly came to realize how much power her new breasts gave her & they have emboldened her.  

You have a real problem on your hands.  Between her behavior at home with the older male roommate & his buddies with alcohol plus her job at the bar, I don't see your marriage lasting much longer.  She likes being a hot 20s something & a broke accountant husband just gets in the way of that.  

Install some kind of nanny cam at your house by the pool without her knowledge or the knowledge of this roommate & you will probably get an eye full. 

I'm sorry.  

Thank you

[ctdans]

I think Julie13 said it very well.  Have a calm discussion about how you feel and all you are saying is you politely would like her to be respectful of your feelings.  There is nothing wrong about you not wanting her to show so much skin or revealing wear around other men, even the roommate.  If she loves and respects you she will understand and no longer do it.  If she sees that the roommate invited friends over she should steer clear until you get home then together you socialize.

I can understand her wanting the attention.  Why else would she have breast enhancement?  She wanted the look and now she is showing off.  She obviously likes the new her so even the butt gets shown off.  Being a female bartender I imagine she gets hit on all the time and probably flirts back as well.  Now with the bigger breast and showing nipple piercings even more attention. Either for fun, or for better tips.  Being thats the case I am certain she knows what she is doing with these guys and feels she can handle herself.  If she wants to cheat she will or already has - you may never know as many guys never find out.  To me, trust that she is not cheating. She is HOT and knows it and gets off on having men over 55 drooling and getting hard ons.  

If you do the nanny cam thing be very good at concealing it.  If she or the roommate finds it then she will know you lost trust in her and she is gone in a nano second.

[d0nnivain]

10 minutes ago, ctdans said:

If you do the nanny cam thing be very good at concealing it.  If she or the roommate finds it then she will know you lost trust in her and she is gone in a nano second.

The cameras are easily explained away as a home security, anti-burglary thing

[flitzanu]

ahhh, the 'ol "young hot wife with fake boobs" situation.

1. either you don't trust her and think she's cheating on you because she's hot now.

2. you don't trust her enough to turn down men who are flirting with her because she's hot, because you think you are protecting her and it's for her own good, that she shouldn't dress that way because she's "asking for it"

3. you're jealous and insecure and want to have a hot wife, but don't want anyone else to see her.

it should be #4 - that you should be thankful that you have a hot wife that (hopefully) is loyal to YOU, and is going to get upset when you start indicating that because she dresses hot, that somehow means she doesn't love you and ONLY you.

[mark clemson]

This is NOT a specific recommendation as I do not suggest that people divorce. If this were me, I would probably insist this end and if it didn't, simply divorce her over it. For myself, this behavior on an ongoing basis would trigger too much insecurity in me to continue trusting her or enjoy the marriage. Sure, it's her right to walk around the pool in front of lots of other men in whatever clothing she wants. It's also my right (IMO) to leave for whatever reason I want (I don't live in a "for cause" jurisdiction, fortunately).

(Note: I would have a lot less of a problem if it was a public pool or beach or similar and we simply went there together.)

All that said, I would generally say one should NOT go making noises about divorce unless one's actually willing to do it. Sometimes bluffs get called.

OP, again, none of the above is specific advice for you. I could never marry a woman with fake boobs anyhow, it's just not my thing. You do you, no harm, no foul.

Edited November 12, 2020 by mark clemson

[MsJayne]

All I have to say is that I hope you're not in debt because you paid for her fake jugs. If you did you've been royally had. I've seen this so many times, the insecure, mousy woman gets new boobies and suddenly she's mincing around like Pammy Anderson.  If she's also had her lips inflated and completes it with the rest of the uniform, (false eyelashes, orange spray tan,  a few fashionable tats), you've married an inflatable sex doll who will bleed your bank and drain you of emotion.  Install that nanny cam immediately. 

[Riverman2000]

13 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

 

(Note: I would have a lot less of a problem if it was a public pool or beach or similar and we simply went there together.)

Completely agree 

[Yosemite]

OP, how old are you and how long have you been married? 

How can your roommate afford rent if he doesn't work? 

Why don't you downsize to a house/apartment you can afford without a roommate? 

[kismetkismet]

This whole situation is weird to me.. Why are two early-20 somethings living in a house with a pool and getting breast implants when they're so broke that they have to get an (also unemployed?) 55 yr old roommate to help pay the bills? Also, why are you and other grown men having casual conversations about your wife boobs?? 

How long have you been married? It seems to me like the two of you weren't actually ready to grow up and settle down. She's young, hot, and has very little responsibility. My guess is that she's bored and immature and is indulging in a hot girl summer situation. I mean, you're living in a middle-aged-man frat house. Most bartenders also get hit on constantly and 'harmless flirting' is par for the course.

I don't think this is a simple matter of putting a bra on, but whether or not the two of you are in a place where you're ready to start a mature and stable life together. If you want to make this work, downsize, get rid of the roommate, get your finances in order, and figure out what the two of you want for your future. 

Edited November 12, 2020 by kismetkismet

[Uruktopi]

5 hours ago, ctdans said:

... and she is gone in a nano second.

Which can become a blessing

[Riverman2000]

3 hours ago, kismetkismet said:

This whole situation is weird to me.. Why are two early-20 somethings living in a house with a pool and getting breast implants when they're so broke that they have to get an (also unemployed?) 55 yr old roommate to help pay the bills? Also, why are you and other grown men having casual conversations about your wife boobs?? 

How long have you been married? It seems to me like the two of you weren't actually ready to grow up and settle down. She's young, hot, and has very little responsibility. My guess is that she's bored and immature and is indulging in a hot girl summer situation. I mean, you're living in a middle-aged-man frat house. Most bartenders also get hit on constantly and 'harmless flirting' is par for the course.

I don't think this is a simple matter of putting a bra on, but whether or not the two of you are in a place where you're ready to start a mature and stable life together. If you want to make this work, downsize, get rid of the roommate, get your finances in order, and figure out what the two of you want for your future. 

I never said he was unemployed he has a job. The house and boobs are a big reason I'm struggling financially. Not that i have casual boob conversations, but when we're hanging out drinking with friends they make comments because they're hanging out or exposed. She just laughs and i dont say much. We've been married 4 years.

Edited November 13, 2020 by Riverman2000

[major_merrick]

Having a hot wife and a male roommate is asking for trouble, unless the dude is gay. 

That said, it doesn't mean that your wife is necessarily being unfaithful, but you probably ought to hide a couple of cameras and find out.  The easiest way to deal with friends is not to have them over and have them drinking.  Of course, that kind of defeats the purpose of having a pool.  But as others have suggested, having a "frat house" environment will tend to lead to having frat house behavior.  Up to you how much of that you like or will tolerate.

On you're wife's side....it is her house too.  I'd be pissed if my husband was trying to tell me how to dress.  If I want to walk around wearing next to nothing (or nothing at all) I'm going to do it.  This blonde only obeys because she feels like it.  If I had something to flaunt instead of looking like a middle-aged peasant, I would probably flaunt it. 

[schlumpy]

If this is something you can't tolerate or won't, then let her know so she can make a decision on whether to modify her dress code. No argument from me that she can walk naked if she wants to but she can't do it with you. Except she has and is doing it.

Apparently her behavior is not a deal breaker for you and that's the only way you get it to stop.

Or you can hang around waiting until she does do something that is a deal breaker.

[Riverman2000]

Thanks for all the advice! Now i have a few ideas on how to proceed and work this out. 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 11/12/2020 at 3:18 PM, kismetkismet said:

This whole situation is weird to me.. Why are two early-20 somethings living in a house with a pool and getting breast implants when they're so broke that they have to get an (also unemployed?) 55 yr old roommate to help pay the bills? Also, why are you and other grown men having casual conversations about your wife boobs?? 

 

better yet, why is a 20-something with breast implants not allowed to wear a bikini in/near/around her own home pool???

 

Just what opportunity has the 20-something been awaiting all her life if not at least that much???

 

If a 55yo man were to move into a sorority house, it would be on him to deal with seeing the occasional scantily-clad breast, be it real or fake.

 

It might even be a given that breasts  could come up in conversation at such a sorority house.