Workplace relationships

[Pottering About]

Don’t know if this is the right forum as I am new to posting here. Having read so many unfortunate stories of marriages breaking down when women return to the workplace after children have grown, I thought I would throw in my tuppence worth to see if I can help. I use the terms wife and marriage for convenience and fully recognise my thoughts equally apply to men and partners of all types.

Having had a wife who returned to work and been in offices where I have seen very many other wives return to work, there is an obvious excitement for them. This is a major life change with exciting career opportunities, chances to “use their brains” again, chances to meet new people, for them to feel more challenged by life and for them to feel they have become a “normal person” again. This is not to denigrate the value of being a SAHM but is to recognise just what an exciting life change this is for women (and men who are returning to work as well).

IMO this presents a dangerous challenge to relationships if the Partners do not recognise this and respond accordingly. The worse thing any Partner can do is not recognise that your wife/partner is now a different woman (how many time have we read that the BS does not recognise his wife anymore?) and YOU need to look at the changes you need to make in response. Talk about her day;  recognise she is going to have insecurities about her ability to do her new job; talk through problems with work she may be having; demonstratively support her and encourage her; meet her new work colleagues socially (she will want to show you off); talk about what additional role you can play in the household/childcare etc. Not an exhaustive list for sure but something to maybe starting men thinking. In this way, you will fill any emotional needs she may have, she will feel appreciated and loved, and you will present a strong, loving relationship to new work colleagues. May not be fail safe but I have seen many return to work women’s relationships fail because their partners just carried on as before and not recognise this is an exciting new stage for their relationship. I was lucky, I saw this at work and was able to apply these lessons when my wife returned to work. She was very successful, worked her way rapidly from a clerical starting point to a senior manager and ended up earning more than me. Our household income benefited, we were able to retire at 60 and led a comfortable life style as a result. Far better than divorce!

Just my thoughts from reading so many tragic stories on here for people to do with as they will. May be totally wrong but not selling any books, videos etc off the back of this. 

[merrmeade]

It’s kind of you to share your experience. We all find some element of these stories to identify with. 

[Zona]

In the age of social media where it is really easy to connect or reconnect with people, I would say coworkers and ex's are the biggest threat to a marriage these days, followed by friends (of either spouse).

In virtually every business or organization, there are guys that enjoy hitting on married women, not just for the potential sex, but also the ego boost that comes with knowing she would risk her marriage and her family to become intimate with you.

[Pottering About]

Zona, absolutely, plus it never ends well.

[mark clemson]

I'm not sure about "hit on" but I'm 100% sure there's people who flirt who really don't care about the marital status one way or the other (since it's only flirting) and who don't feel a need to "one up" some other guy in this way, i.e. thinking they could/would cuckold him or similar. Probably this idea speaks for a certain % of men who actually think this way, but it's certainly not all.

[Wiseman2]

Marriages don't "break down" because of both people working.

Marriages break down because of problems inside, not outside, the house.

Returning to work in itself is not an issue. The issue is it may highlight how much marital unhappiness there really is.