How do I move on from this?

[Narie]

Hello.

As what my previous post said, I suspected my husband is cheating.  I still haven't found evidence because he refused to show me his phone and even after all the crying, all the arguments he still keep on chatting with this girl.

 

So I decided to leave. Not yet divorcing since things are a bit hard right now with this lockdown. 

 

So my question is, how do I move on from this? It seems I ended up stalking him a lot on WhatsApp. Ever since I found out about it and ever since I left, all I did is look at WhatsApp and count how long he's staying there. I tried to stop,  I succeed of not looking at it for few hours or 1 day and then  back at it again.

 

My WhatsApp is open even while working. 

How do I move on from this? How do I stop stalking him? I want to be able to move on at least  before filing for divorce. 

[schlumpy]

Well Narie you could try a temporary prescription to anti-anxiety medication. That may give you back the control you need to ignore whatsapp or maybe even delete him off of it. I would be careful. You don't to exchange one bad habit for another but it is a tool in the toolbox. Medicating is fine if it's to reach a goal.

Burning out is another way. At some point in time you will become emotionally saturated and the urge to look at his messages will decrease. I don't know if that's brain chemical thing or mental energy but it does happen. The problem is you never know how long it will take.

[Narie]

42 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Well Narie you could try a temporary prescription to anti-anxiety medication. That may give you back the control you need to ignore whatsapp or maybe even delete him off of it. I would be careful. You don't to exchange one bad habit for another but it is a tool in the toolbox. Medicating is fine if it's to reach a goal.

Burning out is another way. At some point in time you will become emotionally saturated and the urge to look at his messages will decrease. I don't know if that's brain chemical thing or mental energy but it does happen. The problem is you never know how long it will take.

This is also what I am thinking.  That maybe eventually I will get tired of it, sometimes I do get tired of it and just turn it off but everytime I take a break it comes back even stronger than before.

 

But yes hopefully it will work... soon..

I cannot do NC since we got little one who kept looking for us when we are not around.

[pinkpaw]

I feel for you, Narie. Been there. It's an agonizing part of the separation process. I hated it every time I went through it. It feels like an addiction, and resisting the urge feels difficult and miserable but then giving into the urge - whilst it gives temporary relief - adds to the addiction. 

I agree with what was said above - there does come a point where you feel you've had enough, emotionally and burn out from it all. 

The good news is, this stage does pass. 

But being in that phase - urghhh, recently went through it and took me a few weeks to come out the other side. If I never go through this stage again, I'll consider it a blessing. It feels like your whole life- even just being you - is on hold until the frantic thinking/urges/wondering eventually pitter out.