Trying to understand men

[deamiga]

6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Dating seriously, meeting the family & officially being BF/GF is substantial but it's not even close to being engaged. 

What it has to do with this thread is that the two don't square.  

Understanding men in general is different then understanding your BF.  In this thread you Q if he respects you based on his comments.  In your other thread it's clear that he doesn't & has one foort out the door of your relationship

Be careful 

I am not Q if he respects me. I am questioning what do guys mean with "I respect her and I don't want a relationship with her"

[basil67]

It means that he respects her as a person, but he doesn't want a romantic relationship with her.   

I'm assuming that you don't want a relationship with every man you respect - it's the same as that.

[stillafool]

I'm a woman and I remember when my best friends brother wanted to date me.  He was as fine as all get out but I just wouldn't go there.  I wouldn't want things to go wrong with him and end up losing my best friend as a result of our involvement.  Perhaps that is what the guy you likes is thinking.  Also just because a man wouldn't hit on a colleague or friend's sister certainly does not mean he hasn't looked at her butt and breasts.

[major_merrick]

I have noticed that men will refrain from relationships or sex with a women when failure would bring consequences.  A rejection of advances is awkward.  A failed relationship or resentment after sex is worse.  It makes work/family/friendships difficult.  Another poster mentioned the "bro code" and while I don't fully understand it, the goal of it is to make relationships and life easier for men.  It is about self-preservation as much as it is about respect.

Sadly, I think that it cheats both men and women out of some of the best possible relationships. A relationship has a greater chance of succeeding if there are more ties in common, and the significance of failure increases the incentives for problem-solving.

[deamiga]

2 hours ago, major_merrick said:

I have noticed that men will refrain from relationships or sex with a women when failure would bring consequences.  A rejection of advances is awkward.  A failed relationship or resentment after sex is worse.  It makes work/family/friendships difficult.  Another poster mentioned the "bro code" and while I don't fully understand it, the goal of it is to make relationships and life easier for men.  It is about self-preservation as much as it is about respect.

Sadly, I think that it cheats both men and women out of some of the best possible relationships. A relationship has a greater chance of succeeding if there are more ties in common, and the significance of failure increases the incentives for problem-solving.

Actually the best answer so far! Thank you. Though my boyfriend said the same for his collages. He told me "I respect them and I don't want a relationship" When I asked him about the respect thing, he missunderstood my question, got angry and told me "Well tomorrow I will se them on breasts and butt" 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 11/13/2020 at 4:40 PM, deamiga said:

Hello, 

I want to raise a topic and know your opinions about that. I have herad that men (including my boyfriend) usually say this: " I respect her because she is my childhood friend and I don't flirt with her, or think a relationship, or see her b** or b****." Or "I respect her because she is the sister of my friend and I can't see her b*** or flirt with her." 
Firstly I don't get what is wrong with liking or wanting a relationship with the sister of your friend. If my best friend would tell me that she likes or is in love with my brother I would be happy. Ok I understand that if someone is a childhood friend you probably see her as sister so wouldn't consider a relationship. But why not with friend's sister? 
Secondly, why do they use the word "respect"? The way they say it "I respect her and don't flirt with her or consider her for a relationship...." makes me think that you don't respect the girl you want a relationship with... Basically if you respect a girl and don't want a relationship with her, it means you want a relationship with a girl you don't repect, which is a nonsesne...

I know that is not true because most of the time guys respect girls they want a serious relationship with... but why do they have to say it like that. 
My boyfriend once told me: "I respect my colleagues so you don't have to think I would flirt or something" At one point of the discussion he told me: "I don't see them on b*** or b****. So I asked him, that he probably has seen me on these parts before the relationship. And he told me "On our first date, I told you I liked you and don't see you as a friend but want something more with you. I was falling in love and also desiring you" 

So based on what men (my boyfriend as well) says, it means he wasn't respecting me? It doesn't make any sense 

 

Dammit,  I wanna know what  B**  and  B****  are...   or even  b***

(I read ahead in case anybody had the first idea what they were)

 

But OK...     I think you have a vibe of understanding, even though "respect" isn't a sensible word.

 

I would suggest that there would be a considerable difference between a   36C-25-35 twin female a guy has known all his life, and her 36C-25-35 twin sister who only now first paraded through his life.

 

It isn't "respect"   that has him wanting to follow the new twin  and find out if he can bang her while at the same time not seeing the twin he's always known in the same light.  

(I can remember my own reaction upon reading the "Senior Superlatives"  for my high school class...    

when it said:    "Nicest Body:  ________   ____________"          I distinctly recall saying to myself:     "what?  she's FIIIIIIVE!"      (and NOT because her bod' wasn't banging when a senior) ... about a girl I'd known since we were age 5)

 

So there IS  'psychology'  which keeps lots of people from banging or trying to bang all of the kids from the old neighborhood... and perhaps many people don't fully recognize that, even though they tend to refrain from suddenly seeing those old neighborhood kids in a new light.   (*** note the clear exception when such people get up and leave the local environs and then return after a number of years).

 

It's all psychology, and has nothing to do with 'respecting', or not respecting humans as we know them...   your bf is just selecting the wrong word.

 

LOTS of good, solid people have ethics where ""WORK""  is a place where there is order, and clearly delineated hierarchy, and they imagine that to blur that order and those boundaries by trying to introduce personal romantic relationships  is either wrong, OR is too risky.  So through thick and thin they continue to "respect" those sorts of boundaries they have created for themselves.

 

Most of what you are contemplating sounds like the simple psychology that causes us NOT to notice that our old childhood friend, Penelope Pitstop, has indeed blossomed from the 4' 8" girl she was in 4th grade, with a waist-to-hip ratio of 1.00...      to the curvy bombshell she eventually was when reaching 5' 9" by age 17.

 

(although babes like her tend to live in the periphery of lots of other babes who are then 'fair game' for us later on)

 

(IF only I'd waited to post...    "Breasts"  and  "Butt"...      (were hardly worth waiting for ...   LOL) )

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, deamiga said:

Actually the best answer so far! Thank you. Though my boyfriend said the same for his collages. He told me "I respect them and I don't want a relationship" When I asked him about the respect thing, he missunderstood my question, got angry and told me "Well tomorrow I will se them on breasts and butt" 

It's up to you to step away from crass disrespectful communication.

Some men may talk like this, but he is simply putting you down constantly..

He didn't "misunderstand you". He simply disrespects you.

[Chilli]

On 11/14/2020 at 1:05 PM, deamiga said:

Actually not really first date. We worked together for about 6 months, then we started dating. But I could notice that from his side the affection was starting to turn into love. And of course he meant more than a friend. It is not that he is not serious with me. We are nearly engaged. 
 

I think that they don't know how to phrase it or express it because it really doesn't make any sense. Probably they mean that they don't see them as more than friends.

 

Well , l don't know about their way of putting it , but women you see or respect in other ways , like women you work with keep it professional,  or showing respect to a friends sister , you don't fk about with those , it'd be disrespectful .

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2020 by Chilli