A letter to you, that you will never read.

[Velvetelvis]

I gave you something real. Something beautiful, and pure. The kind of love you always dreamed about but never felt before me. You said you I completed you, filled a hole in your heart you never knew was there. I loved you with everything that I was and everything I could ever be, and you said you felt the exact same way. 

Then just as suddenly as you came into my life and with less warning, you walked away. You said life was as perfect as it could be when I was with you. And just like that, with both of us on top of the world you left. 

After talking with you again, I’m filled with regret and disgust. Not for you, but for me. I should have realized it was never ME that you wanted. You just loved the way i made you feel. I discovered your language of love, and gave you everything you needed and wanted, and that which you didn’t even know you needed. And in return, you gave me hollow gestures. I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with myself for not seeing it sooner. I’m disgusted with myself for letting you USE me, heart, body and soul.

We dreamed, made plans, you made promises to me, the moment was “never right” for them to happen for us, but you made time for those same things with people you barely knew. People who used you up, and spit you out. Left you empty. All in the name of finding what you already had and left.

I reclaim the heart that I gave to you. I reclaim the honor and dignity you stripped me of. You have no more power over me, now or ever again. I wish you the best, I wish you none of the pain and hurt you caused me. If you ever come back, know the door is closed, and locked. I miss you and I pray I never see you ever again.

-J

 

[schlumpy]

This is a very good place to send it.

He doesn't deserve to hear this from you. 

[Velvetelvis]

Thank you schlumpy.

Also, I’m the he. She doesn’t deserve to hear this from me. I’d say she doesn’t deserve to hear from me ever again. I even cancelled my phone # after our last convo so she has no way back into my life. 

Do not give what is holy to dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn, and tear you in pieces. 

[Caauug]

On 11/17/2020 at 1:12 AM, Velvetelvis said:

And in return, you gave me hollow gestures. I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with myself for not seeing it sooner. I’m disgusted with myself for letting you USE me, heart, body and soul.

I guess I don't need to tell you all those Disney and romantic movies you were subjected to as a child were all lies.... All just brain washing, love is not like that. Her love for you is not the same as your love for her, men and women love in different ways. She can not love you the way you want her to love you. 

On 11/17/2020 at 1:12 AM, Velvetelvis said:

We dreamed, made plans, you made promises to me, the moment was “never right” for them to happen for us, but you made time for those same things with people you barely knew. People who used you up, and spit you out. Left you empty. All in the name of finding what you already had and left.

I reclaim the heart that I gave to you. I reclaim the honor and dignity you stripped me of. You have no more power over me, now or ever again. I wish you the best, I wish you none of the pain and hurt you caused me. If you ever come back, know the door is closed, and locked. I miss you and I pray I never see you ever again.

I nearly made the same mistake as schlumpy, until I read the above... The man is normally the romantic one in the relationship, he may not always show it, but when he does it will shine bright, as above. Men do not normally read romance novels or watch a romance movie as first choice because our emotions can bring us there easily when we are in love. That's just my theory on what I read and see. I picked a few other words up also not normally used by women.

Velvetelvis, sorry to hear of your heart break. I hope you spend this time to heal and to try to understand her actions. Anger can be very counter productive in the long run, and will consume a lot of energy, not healthy. 

Eat healthy, exercise and hit the gym if you can. Clear your living space of anything that reminds you of her. Stay away from depressants like drugs or alcohol. Keep busy with work or hobbies.  Look after No#1- YOU!!!

When you feel ready, try education on why she acted the way she did. There is heaps of YouTube channels by men and women and different groups. Try some main stream ones. In YouTube look for "Alexander Grace" - a man explaining, for men and backing up his theories on human behavior in relationships. The other one I suggest is "Stanford" 1. Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology - this one is a serious and gets right into it. "Channel Name" is in quotations. 

PS: I like the letter.... 

[Velvetelvis]

Thank you for the insight and advice caaugg. I did get back into exercise, some old hobbies I didn’t have time for while dating her. I don’t understand her actions and from her friends I’ve run into they dont either. Feels like I dodged a bullet on this one. 

I’d like to think I’m over/past it and healed from the experience. I mostly intended just to shout it into the universe, the things I didn’t say when I ran into her, that I’m free from her influence. Over the hurt she caused, just declaring it to myself and the world. A song came on the radio that made me realize how over this I was, and just didn’t acknowledge it. Since then, the grass has been greener, the birds sing more sweetly. Closure is like vomit. You have to get it out and it has to come from within. 

I’m proud of myself that I didn’t rebound, no need to drag someone else into any kind of emotional mess. I’ve unpacked all my baggage and moved on. 

It feels good to be whole again, a bit stronger and wiser for the experience, and ready for whatever life has to throw at me.