Strip Club Experience ... Help

[jbender]

I've been reading a lot of the posts on strip clubs and visits, but none quite fit the situation I am in. I hope all of you can give me some input.

 

Let me start with myself. I'm a 22 year old male. I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl whom I've been dating for a little over a year.

 

Last week I went to Las Vegas. One night I went to a strip club with one of the guys who I made the trip with. I rarely attend strip clubs, but since I've never been to one in Vegas, I figured I'd try it out.

 

I should note that going is nothing I thought twice about. I don't go often, and I openly tell my girlfriend on the occasion I do. To me they are harmless. It's just a fun time, and isn't satisfying in a sexual way for me. I'm usually just drinking and laughing and having a good time with my friends. I actually think guys who get into it sexually are sort of monkey-esque; something I pride myself in not being.

 

So anyway, at some point I get a lapdance. Now what I'm used to during a lapdance is that you just sit there and no touching is allowed; no problem there. I guess Vegas is a little different because when the stripper noticed that I was just leaving my hands at my sides, she put them on her. She also proceeded to make it known that she wanted me to use my mouth as well. So the bottom line is that I ended up feeling her upper body with my hands, and using my mouth on her breasts and neck (no mouth kissing).

 

I didn't feel anything was wrong until late the next day. I had been fine all day, and all of a sudden it hit me. Did I cheat on my girlfriend? My stomach bottomed out and the conflict started.

 

It's tearing me apart, because I don't know how I should look at what happened. How I end up treating what happened could make or break my relationship. I don't question that if she knew what happened it would bother her. But by the same token, if I told her outright that I masturbate to the thought of other girls her reaction would be to be bothered too. So just because the explicit stating of it would bug her doesn't warrant me saying something. I'm just trying to guage how serious what happened was. For example, if I went out to a bar and ended up sleeping with a girl I picked up, I'd tell her in a heartbeat. That would be a major transgression. I don't know where this falls though. She knew I went to the strip club and was fine with that. Based on my past strip club experience, I went into it and the thought never crossed my mind that anything could happen that would be a serious issue. The stripper and I even talked for a while beforehand about my girlfriend and her fiancee. It just seemed so harmless in my mind, until I looked back on it later the next day. Am I just being paranoid because the last thing I'd want to do is hurt my girlfriend? Or did I really do something terrible?

 

This is really killing me. My girlfriend means the world to me, and I'm not sure how to feel about what happened. My mind really can see it in two different ways. As being a harmless thing and being a serious thing. I just don't know which is right and which is just paranoia or rationalization. If I knew for sure it was a terrible thing, I would tell her even if it meant risking the end to our relationship. If I didn't tell her, I'd be making a fool out of her and making a joke out of the relationship. It means to much to me to do that. On the other hand, if what happened wasn't that bad of a thing then I wouldn't feel like it needs to be brought up. I wouldn't lie to her if she asked me a direct question. But just like the masturbation example, there's no point to saying it. And I know this isn't the same thing, I'm just using it to make an analogy.

 

I apologize for the long post, but I have so many thoughts on the issue I couldn't even get them all down.

 

I'd appreciate any input.

 

Thanks.

[StacyRose]

I'm in a LD relationship too.. luckily.. my bf doesn't go to strip clubs.. but anyway he's kind of like you. He cheated on me once (by kissing a girl at a club) although we were on bad terms.. and I was so happy that he told me and it helped us a lot. BUT, I'm still dealing with it today, and obviously I would have rather he didn't do it. So.. telling her you put your mouth on some stripper's breast gives her a mental image no woman wants of her boyfriend. You didn't kiss anyone or sleep with anyone.. so I'm sure she wants to know.. but that mental image isn't worth knowing something so insignificant. So, I would rather not know if that was me. You sound like a real sweet guy.. just be proud you're not a sleeze like a lot of guys out there. My advice.. just don't go to strip clubs anymore.. that will keep you out of those situations My boyfriend has not stepped into one single club since our last incident. Just learn from your mistake and don't stress! And no more strip clubs!!!

[superd]

Have you ever meet your supposed gf in real life? If not than its not a real relationship yet and you really shouldn't worry about this. However if you have been with her in real life for a significant or even a reasonable amount of time, than you cheated on her and you will have to pay the price. You will have to tell her and hope that she doesn't leave you.

[danny_m]

Just blame it on the stripper and tell your girl you aint ever going to those crazy things anymore

In all seriouseness, you should have known better and knew right then and there "this isnt right"