An almost 10 month update ~ I am still grieving. Husband/Neighbor situation.

[peachpie]

Flitzano, no. She mowed and gardened 7 days a week year round in her own yard For 15 years enticing men. The pandemic isn’t stopping her from enjoying her yard.

 

she doesn’t deserve a benefit of the doubt. Any woman who does this to another is no good.

[stillafool]

19 hours ago, matildag said:

I work 60 hours a week!!  
 

People are failing to see my point.

my point is she has rearranged HER life. And I know my husband had sex with her because they abruptly ended their “friendship.” 

Again, you can't control her, she owes you nothing, your husband is the one you should be going after for the truth, he owes that to you.  Even if he doesn't want to go to marriage counseling you need independent counseling to help you get over this since you've decided to take him back.

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, matildag said:

Any woman who does this to another is no good.

Neither is your husband but you took him back so now you have to deal with this.

[peachpie]

On 11/17/2020 at 4:39 PM, stillafool said:

If you are going to stay with your husband it is best that you put this behind you and move on.  The woman probably doesn't want to be bothered with you and that is why she is no longer in her front yard.  She does not want to talk or is obligated to talk to you and your husband.  Leave her alone and believe your husband since you have made up your mind to stay with him regardless.  Be glad she's out of site.

This response is upsetting because she is an interloper in a marriage. She doesn’t want to be “bothered “ with me and she’s “not obligated” to explain herself? I beg to differ. She pretended she was my friend for 15 years.

I have “no obligation” to keep her behavior secret from her husband then! I was saving HER marriage. I have not told him a word!
 

it seems people responding on this board relate to the OW. I don’t have respect for people who are the OW and I don’t believe the OW has a voice in someone else’s marriage , do you?

 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by matildag

[peachpie]

15 hours ago, stillafool said:

Again, you can't control her, she owes you nothing, your husband is the one you should be going after for the truth, he owes that to you.  Even if he doesn't want to go to marriage counseling you need independent counseling to help you get over this since you've decided to take him back.

She pretended she was my friend for 15 years. She is a coward hiding. She owes me an explanation.

please don’t play devil’s advocate. OW have NO rights. They participate in causing the damage, then they pay the price.

I haven’t told her husband anything. I have no obligation to keep my mouth shut!

(Sorry, but I don’t care to read responses by people who identify as the OW. I don’t care for your opinions.)

Edited November 19, 2020 by matildag

[peachpie]

15 hours ago, stillafool said:

Neither is your husband but you took him back so now you have to deal with this.

Yes - I can tell her husband and destroy her marriage. This is what all victims of those despicable OW should do, and sue her for alienation of affection. Great idea! Thank you!

[Milly May June]

 

I get the anger and the hurt, i really do. And its ok to feel this way. But you will never get an explanation from her. The reason is she does not give a rats ass about you nore your hurt or your anger. Ppl like her are egocentric and entitled. She is feeding of the attention she gets. Thats just the sad reality. The best way to deflate her ego is to ignore her existance. 

[peachpie]

Yes, I have had no contact with her since February. My husband and I both blocked her from our phones, too.

the whole point of my post is I want to believe my husband and his rationale would make sense if this woman didn’t alter her whole lifestyle! 

She does give a rat’s ass because she can’t face me.

Our houses are practically TOUCHING! She’s gone out of her way to avoid me since February. And she should because she knows what she CONTRIBUTED to was vulgar and unacceptable for a friend, neighbor, and married woman to do.

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by matildag

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, matildag said:

Yes - I can tell her husband and destroy her marriage. This is what all victims of those despicable OW should do, and sue her for alienation of affection. Great idea! Thank you!

Then why haven't you?  That seems to be your best move at this point since she clearly doesn't care or want to be bothered.  Her husband deserves to know what she and your husband have been up to.  I agree with you that OW are despicable but you can't make an adult do what YOU want them to do.  Tell her husband!  Why haven't yoiu?

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, matildag said:

Our houses are practically TOUCHING! She’s gone out of her way to avoid me since February. And she should because she knows what she CONTRIBUTED to was vulgar and unacceptable for a friend, neighbor, and married woman to do.

Why haven't you gone over to her house and confronted by now since this is so important to you?

[peachpie]

I don’t want to destroy her kids’ lives.

[peachpie]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Then why haven't you?  That seems to be your best move at this point since she clearly doesn't care or want to be bothered.  Her husband deserves to know what she and your husband have been up to.  I agree with you that OW are despicable but you can't make an adult do what YOU want them to do.  Tell her husband!  Why haven't yoiu?

I don’t want ANYTHING from this woman!!!

 

my point is her behavior shows me the relationship was more than friends!

 

i blocked her In February because I don’t want to hear from her. I don’t want her apology!! I will not accept it

 

actions speak louder than words. Her behavior reveals my husband is lying 

 

this post was an update that I now believe it was sexual 

 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by matildag

[Starswillshine]

18 minutes ago, matildag said:

I don’t want ANYTHING from this woman!!!

 

my point is her behavior shows me the relationship was more than friends!

 

i blocked her In February because I don’t want to hear from her. I don’t want her apology!! I will not accept it

 

actions speak louder than words. Her behavior reveals my husband is lying 

 

this post was an update that I now believe it was sexual 

 

 

Ok, so what will you do about that? I think his refusal to be transparent definitely points in that direction..I think it is highly likely given everyone's behavior. 

[stillafool]

 

17 minutes ago, matildag said:

I don’t want ANYTHING from this woman!!!

 

2 hours ago, matildag said:

She is a coward hiding. She owes me an explanation.

Now you don't want anything from her even though this thread says otherwise.  Why hasn't your husband gone over there and told her that they need to get together with you and straighten this out?

[peachpie]

That’s the reality. sadly.

if I had the hardcore evidence, I would be comfortable in my decision to move on without him.

i don’t want to wreck my family based on assumptions.

 I am trying to move on but it is gnawing at me 

[peachpie]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

 

 

Now you don't want anything from her even though this thread says otherwise.  Why hasn't your husband gone over there and told her that they need to get together with you and straighten this out?

That’s my whole point!! I think he can’t do that because it was an affair and he is scared of what she will say.

i don’t want this woman in my life but if I were her and I were innocent I would apologize and prove my innocence- not hide

i don’t want anything to do with her but she is not off the hook

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, matildag said:

That’s my whole point!! I think he can’t do that because it was an affair and he is scared of what she will say.

Why aren't you holding his feet to the fire and insist he go and make this right?  Why do you expect more from her than him?

[Starswillshine]

6 minutes ago, matildag said:

That’s the reality. sadly.

if I had the hardcore evidence, I would be comfortable in my decision to move on without him.

i don’t want to wreck my family based on assumptions.

 I am trying to move on but it is gnawing at me 

Which is what your husband is banking on. He knows as long as it is just assumptions, he is safe. But if you find out the truth, you may be gone. Which is why he won't give you the phone. Or do anything else. My ex did all of these. Tood me I was crazy for even believing it was more than some flirty texts. And well.... I was right. It was everything I feared it was. 

[Bittersweetie]

Why don't you ask your husband to get a lie detector test? Because the answers you seek should be coming from him.

Edited November 19, 2020 by Bittersweetie

[peachpie]

17 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why aren't you holding his feet to the fire and insist he go and make this right?  Why do you expect more from her than him?

We’ve been fighting for 9 months about going to a place with his SIM card to retrieve messages. Home has been hell.

 I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with that woman!!! I am saying her entitlement and her hiding proves that they are guilty of what I believe to have happened.

 

[Crazelnut]

3 hours ago, matildag said:

We’ve been fighting for 9 months about going to a place with his SIM card to retrieve messages. Home has been hell.

 I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with that woman!!! I am saying her entitlement and her hiding proves that they are guilty of what I believe to have happened.

 

So. What? You've got to get a grip on this and deal with the problem -- your husband. You have 3 choices: (1) Get proof then act accordingly. (2) Assume he's lying and act accordingly. Leave him. (3) Give him the benefit of the doubt and learn to let it go. 

You've got to stop all this raging about the OW's behavior. It serves no purpose. You need to choose one of the 3 paths, because where you're at now is only hurting yourself.

Personally, I'd get that phone and get my evidence.

[gamon]

You're blaming the wrong person. The other woman isn't the one you exchanged lifelong vows with, she's not the one you live with on a daily basis. She's apparently moved on from whatever happened between her and her husband, she doesn't give a rat's ass about you and will never provide any useful information and will probably never feel a single bit of remorse. You're wasting your time and energy focusing on her.

Your husband is the one who needs to be dealt with and it sounds like your marriage is already shattered, so why stick around any longer in the toxic wasteland your relationship with him has become?

 

Life is short, ya know?

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, matildag said:

 I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with that woman!!! I am saying her entitlement and her hiding proves that they are guilty of what I believe to have happened.

So what are you going to do about your husband now that you feel you have proof that they were having sex?

[peachpie]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So what are you going to do about your husband now that you feel you have proof that they were having sex?

I don't have proof.

[Milly May June]

4 hours ago, matildag said:

We’ve been fighting for 9 months about going to a place with his SIM card to retrieve messages. Home has been hell.

 I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with that woman!!! I am saying her entitlement and her hiding proves that they are guilty of what I believe to have happened.

 

We’ve been fighting for 9 months about going to a place with his SIM card to retrieve messages.

Why dont you just take his Phone when he is sleeping and run a recovery program? Obviously you dont trust him and his behaviour indicates that he is hiding something. 

As for the situation, my guess is that this flirtation and/or possible affair has been going on for some time. Possibly years. When you started asking question and finding things on his Phone he broke it off. She could not deal with being dumped and went into hiding. My guess is that your husband choose to be with you and to dump her. He thinks he dodged a buller and is hiding his tracks.

I think you have some choices to make. You can not Change the OW or your H. Some food for thouht... What would be the best outcome for you in this situation? Ask your self if your daughter came to you with this problem and asked you what to do, how would you advise her? 

 

((hugs))