Author medev88 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 Ok, so because it's been brought up and because I saw how many people 'liked' the post that it is nonjudgmental --- and now that i feel more comfortable. We are both male... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 I am sorry but take back your ring and keep it for a guy who does love you and does want to settle down with you. If you continue down this path and keep making excuses for him, you will end up continually anxious, insecure and miserable. Free yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 2 hours ago, medev88 said: Ok, so because it's been brought up and because I saw how many people 'liked' the post that it is nonjudgmental --- and now that i feel more comfortable. We are both male... My friend you have attached yourself to a guy who does the hookup. Why? Why would you waste 5 years of your life with such a man? Like I've been saying all along -- he's literally told you he doesn't love you, doesn't want to marry you, and doesn't want to commit to you. He sleeps with other men and makes excuses for it, which you make excuses for. This guy is NOT the guy you want to emotionally invest towards a future with anymore. Please, for the love of all good gay men out there, detach yourself from this parasite (and he is) so that you can make yourself available for a man who is past the casual sex phase, who is financially stable, mentally healthy, and emotionally available for a serious, long term relationship. Why have you wasted 5 years with a man who has treated you like a casual sex hookup who pays the rent for him all of this time? Why do you make excuses for him an enable his terrible behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 20, 2020 Share Posted November 20, 2020 My advice is the same either way. He wants his freedom to party but doesn't want to get kicked out. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2020 Share Posted November 20, 2020 @medev88 Based on your use of the pronoun "they" I guessed same sex. Gender doesn't matter so much as human decency & ethics. He doesn't have much. Whether you break it off entirely, slowly back out or stick your head in the sand & try to make this work with a partner who isn't committing to you & doesn't seem like he wants to be monogamous for whatever reason, it's entirely your choice. Sounds like a combo of fear, insecurity & self sabotage. But you can't put your whole life on hold waiting for him to grow up. I hope you find your happy ending. Link to post Share on other sites
Immy Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Went through something similar and wasted too many years. My boyfriend and I bought a house, with my understanding we were on the path to be engaged very soon. Two years and a few conversations later I finally walked. He wanted to downgrade the relationship not get engaged. We wanted different things and my regret is not figuring out sooner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 You two are on the same page. You're not even in the same book as far as expectations and commitment. I see nothing good that can come from continuing this. I'm sorry. I really am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author medev88 Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 Update: he actually broke it off last night. So, I have moved out today. What I don't understand and have a hard time dealing with, is the thought that he will somehow change entirely and become an awesome, committed, non-selfish person for someone else. I must admit that the single most 'bad' quality of him, is his self-centeredness. A lot of people that we both know are able to see it. at the same time, i know others with the same trait. Now, in their 40's, they still have not become less selfish or really changed a lot. Its bothersome to me and i feel like someone else will end up getting what i myself wanted and deserved. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 9 minutes ago, medev88 said: Its bothersome to me and i feel like someone else will end up getting what i myself wanted and deserved. This is bad thinking. You surely do not deserve a cheating, self centred oaf, do you? People as you have deduced rarely change for the better. It wasn't working, it would not have worked, so move on and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Actually sounds like you dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
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