lee179108 Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 Im so sorry that you're going through this.. if shes gone down to NC and quit her job then shes obviously took quite some time to think it through before actually going through with it. Shes thought of everything and then done it, yes if shes close with her sister that may have convinced her. Some people are very close with family and seek their validation before going through with it.. my ex was like that with her mom and older sister. We had our second break up this year and shes mentally drained me and i still cant get over it and hope she comes back.. but theres also a part of me that knows you just got to get through this. I removed her stuff so i wouldnt be reminded of her, she has some of my stuff but i didnt even bother asking for them back. Delete her social media... unmute it if you have to but i deleted it as I know i would look otherwise. No contact is the only way she will miss you, the more you talk or message the worse it will get. Now its not guaranteed she will come back or reach out again... but no contact is the only way now. Dont let the depression beat you, its so so hard.. and i find help in coming on here to vent, talking, going to the gym, eating good food and sometimes treating myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 Thank you, I know she's going through something major, and if I take any responsibility for this action then I apologize to the fullest. I dont know if she will come to her senses. I dont know if I will hear from her and I hope to God I do, because I love the person I thought she was and am willing to work things out as painful as it would be. Together for almost 5 years and I didn't see this coming. She asked for time and space and its hard not to reach out to her. Its hard not to want to hear her voice and get an idea of what's going on in her head. I've already taken the steps of going to the dr and the therapist and I began my own healing, self reflection and prescribed medication for the depression. I know I am thinking clearly. I dont know if she will. I guess I'm just grasping at straws that she will contact me and at least have a reasonable conversation. I absolutely feel like I've been through a war zone. Im just looking for all advice I can get. I do want to reconcile with her, and I am willing to work things out but I know that is up to her. If that were to happen im willing to get the professional help we need to make it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 again, it couldn't have been planned much, her entire life is here, all of her belongings from clothingbto jewelery. Her job said it was bizarre she resigned without notice. I love this girl and she's ripping a second hole in my heart and seems to be congratulated on her move by her sisters friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 Perhaps what I'm looking for is hope Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 I have been in no contact with her since Friday 13 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Perhaps what I'm looking for is hope There's always hope for the future @Rtkennedy1 it's not dependent on any one relationship. You don't know what this lady was doing or thinking because she chose not to tell you and to do everything in a rather dramatic thoughtless way when you were preoccupied with a difficult time. Amazing how there are always people who will egg others on to do things they never would...people with boring lives give terrible advice! You've been through a lot and this on top with no explanation or closure is crazy-making. All you can do is retain your own integrity and wellbeing. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. As for your former GF, yikes. What a cruel heartless woman. For somebody to pout that you didn't have enough time for her while you were dealing with caring for your mother at the end of her life, make her a terrible, selfish self involved person. In your shoes I wouldn't be heartbroken so much as furious. To just up & leave like that with no explanation, good heavens. Sneaking out like that sounds like something one does to escape an abusive relationship; there you are happy to get out alive with the clothes on your back. Get written confirmation that she has given you verbal permission to throw out her stuff. Seriously, inventory her stuff then write her a letter confirming that you can throw every item away or otherwise dispose of it as you see fit. Send it to her by regular & certified mail or even FedEx (something that gets you a paper receipt). Also send it by email. . . every way imaginable to get it to her. Send a copy of the letter to her parents. Include a reasonable deadline by which she has to come pick the stuff up 30-60 days. Then clean house if nobody comes. You will feel lighter once her stuff is gone. I am equally sorry that she stole your pet from you. When you are ready, get a new pet. You need somebody to love through all of this. Meanwhile make a healthy plan for the holidays. With the loss of your mom, the next few weeks will be tough. I cried through Thanksgiving & Christmas after my parents died. Do not sit alone in your house if you can avoid that but do be safe with Covid etc. There is hope in that eventually you will get through this & your heart will heal. Hang in there. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it. I just wish I knew of some action I could take. The only i action I know I can is no contact. In hope she comes to her senses. I just found out that she applied for a job down there. I'm maintaining not contact. I do want her back, even though she's done what she's done im willing to work on the both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 Even through this I love her , and still want to work it out with her more than anything, I know that sounds weak. But love is love, and I'm not willing to go down without improving myself every way I can and putting up whatever fight I have to Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 6 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it. I just wish I knew of some action I could take. The only i action I know I can is no contact. In hope she comes to her senses. I just found out that she applied for a job down there. I'm maintaining not contact. I do want her back, even though she's done what she's done im willing to work on the both of us. Your welcome. NC is good but it's to help you heal not cause her to miss you enough to come back. In a few months you won't want her back. For now take care of yourself. That is the most important thing. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 I know it is for me, and I'm taking advantage of it, I just know the only hope I have of reconciliation with her would be for her to come to her senses, and us to agree to work together on building a new relationship. Thatbis something that with a clear mind i can say Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 She took your pet rabbit but left the engagement ring? I'd say you came out ahead on that one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) This was a one of a kind rabbit and our best friend, she gave him to me for my birthday. I miss her terribly and taking the rabbit left me more alone. Edited November 18, 2020 by Rtkennedy1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 19 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: And She took my pet Rabbit. Something about this makes me think there's payback involved here. Did you neglect her and Bunny? Did she take Bunny because you weren't feeding your pet, or were hardly ever home? How did she get along with your mother? What sort of relationship did you have with your mother? Did your mother need you there 24/7, or did you just choose to make your mother the priority to the point that you were dismissive of your relationship? Did she have anyone else, your father or siblings, or were you the only person available? Are you normal grieving or were you particularly close to your mother and perhaps having a heightened reaction to bereavement? I ask because this happened with one of my sisters who was particularly close to our father - her reaction to his death was like a three act drama, like his death was about her, not him, and it caused big problems in her marriage because it was like she became a child again and her husband eventually just had a gutful of the hystrionics and childish attention-seeking. Sounds like a lot more going on than just that you did the dutiful thing and cared for your mum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 I was the only one. No one else to help. To the point where I worked even harder to purchase my mothers home so she could stay in it. She stayed. We won a battle with layers wanting the house sold that my mother and her dour siblings wanted sold. I paid for the lawyers and I took on the mortgage, so my mother could stay in the home. My ex fiance and I moved in and had plans to either stay in the home or rent once my mother passed. My mother had one last victory she enjoyed for a month before succumbing. My ex and my mom had a good relationship and she was with me when she died. Again, I had the best intentions for my ex, and I still do. That's why I put that ring on her finger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 5 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I was the only one. No one else to help. To the point where I worked even harder to purchase my mothers home so she could stay in it. She stayed. We won a battle with layers wanting the house sold that my mother and her dour siblings wanted sold. I paid for the lawyers and I took on the mortgage, so my mother could stay in the home. My ex fiance and I moved in and had plans to either stay in the home or rent once my mother passed. My mother had one last victory she enjoyed for a month before succumbing. My ex and my mom had a good relationship and she was with me when she died. Again, I had the best intentions for my ex, and I still do. That's why I put that ring on her finger. In that case it's very hard to say. Leaving right when you're in the middle of grieving and when things are about to get a whole lot easier for the two of you is pretty strange, especially taking your pet. Obviously your exF has something going on that she's not telling you about. At the very least you deserve an explanation as to the real reason she left. Sorry you're going through such a crap time and I hope she comes good and it turns out to be just a momentary glitch. Sending a hug. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) One evening a few day before my mothers passing i was downstairs taking care of my mother trying to feed her, my mother coughed up blood into my face, I tasted my mothers bloody my mouth and iIl never forget that moment for as long as I live. A short time later , my ex made an intimate advance at me and I just couldn't do it, I explained I just can't right now, but I didn't tell her what happened because I was scared and didn't want to subject my ex to what happened. she seemed to understand but may have felt rejected, but I tried to assure her its not her, I love her she's beautiful, and things will change. but it just wasn't the time for me. I know i shouldn't be sorry but I love her so much. None of this was her fault either. I was the man I wanted to be , I wasnt the man I had to be. I've never told her that. Edited November 18, 2020 by Rtkennedy1 spelling Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 Didn't really need to read that especially as I was finishing my dinner of spaghetti with red sauce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) No there was no abuse, I loved her and that rabbit got everything from both of us. Now its in a house filled with cats and dogs. A concern, but I'm really interested in exes wellbeing and intentions, and its frightening. Edited November 18, 2020 by Rtkennedy1 Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 Rob you really need to let go of the whole rabbit thing. I'm not minimizing here but it's a freaking RABBIT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 Its let go, I've already replace the rabbit, with a new rabbit.I took what I feel are proper and immediate steps. His names "bitey".lol. My conecen is my ex. I love her despite went on an i appreciate you support, I've just very heard or been able to compare anything like this situation on my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 (edited) To answer Ms Jayne, I did my best not to neglect herneeds and was never mean or cruel, I assured her of my love and desire for out time to be easier and the affirmations about my her desire to be my one and only love, I just couldnt give her the attention I suppose in her mind that she wanted and deserved, and a part of me is filled with regret I couldn't, i had no malicious intent, as I still love her dearly and I fear more and more everyday that she will forget that Edited November 19, 2020 by Rtkennedy1 spelling Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 I'm glad you have a new Rabbit. You need somebody to love right now. I get that you are concerned about your EX but we're concerned about you. She isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Dude you did nothing wrong. If she can’t understand that you were losing your mom, then you don’t need to be with that heartless witch. I mean damn, what type of person holds against them the loss of a parent? Start blaming yourself for her selfish behavior. You have done nothing wrong. Sorry about the lose of your mom. Hang in there. I believe you dodged a bullet with your fiancé leaving. Do not contact her and she obviously doesn’t feel the same for you that you feel for her. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 Its tough, how do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
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