Ellener Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Couldent go to work today , just hit me so hard in the morning, tbrowinv up and sweating. Shaking its not only emotionL but physical Are you drinking alcohol? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, Ellener said: Are you drinking alcohol? Agree, you need to get to an ER/doctor. Drinking is playing a role in this, even if you are trying "cold turkey", it's dangerous without help, support and appropriate medical intervention, no less mixing any recent anxiety/depression medications with other substances. Take care of yourself physically first. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 6 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Couldent go to work today , just hit me so hard in the morning, tbrowinv up and sweating. Shaking its not only emotionL but physical Go to urgent care or ER. This is near exact how I felt before I had nervous breakdown. My brother took me to ER at like 2:00 am in the morning. They will give you something to help you cope while going through this, at times, wrenching healing process which feels like death. Is there someone you can call, a close friend or family member? Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 First, respect for you for taking care of your mom and in such hard time. And all the best in this hard time. Do you have close freinds,aunt ,uncles, talk to them ,let them know what you going true. And that you need support. Dont know the full story,but must have been hard for your wife.But she could also understand your situation was a heavyone.Its not a easy thing. Atleast now she could come around ,work it out. Get a therapist and take baby steps.If she loves you and this is the reason she left,she may come back. But know,with or without her you can be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 Hope you are okay @Rtkennedy1 and will soon be doing better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 14, 2020 Author Share Posted December 14, 2020 Put in for disability at work Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 53 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Put in for disability at work Did you get to see a doctor? Sending you every good thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Share Posted December 15, 2020 Seeing Dr tomorrow again 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 3 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Seeing Dr tomorrow again Good call. Have you found some greiving support groups? Ask about it, most hospitals have that. Also check out Al-Anon to see how much alcohol played a role in the demise of the relationship. Lots of support for you there as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) Well done @Rtkennedy1 I was watching about Charle Mackesy and his art inspiration and he said someone asked 'what is the bravest thing you ever had to do?' It was 'ask for help'. https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-55305286 Edited December 15, 2020 by Ellener spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 16, 2020 Author Share Posted December 16, 2020 I've left messages for half a dozen psycs in the area. Everyone seems to be not getting back to me. Ive applied for disability leave from work. I just cant concentrate on anything and the pain is substantial. I feel so weak for letting all of this get to me and im worried I could be fired Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I've left messages for half a dozen psycs in the area. Everyone seems to be not getting back to me. Ive applied for disability leave from work. I just cant concentrate on anything and the pain is substantial. I feel so weak for letting all of this get to me and im worried I could be fired Are you in the US? If so, by law you are entitled to 12 weeks leave under the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), to care for yourself (mentally or physically) or a loved one. Once you apply, your employer cannot fire you. They wouid be breaking all sorts of labor laws, not abiding by the FMLA and you could sue them. But don't worry because most employers are very familiar with it. This is assuming you are in the US. Make an appt with your primary doctor, he/she will write you a note to give your employer and refer you to a psychiatrist. Or go to the ER. Please take care of yourself! Edited December 17, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 19 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I've left messages for half a dozen psycs in the area. Everyone seems to be not getting back to me. Ive applied for disability leave from work. I just cant concentrate on anything and the pain is substantial. I feel so weak for letting all of this get to me and im worried I could be fired You can call one of the numerous mental health hotlines just to talk as well as get connected to emergency mental health services. How can you apply for disability without a diagnosis? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 Therapists aren’t getting back to you because they’ve either retired rather than deal with trying to make adjustments due to COVID and/or the rest are overbooked due to the resulting shortage and exponentially higher demand due to COVID related stress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 22 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I've left messages for half a dozen psycs in the area. Everyone seems to be not getting back to me. Ive applied for disability leave from work. I just cant concentrate on anything and the pain is substantial. I feel so weak for letting all of this get to me and im worried I could be fired It's not weak, millions of people are under strain for various reasons right now and doing the same as you. Or worse- not trying to get help/recover. Hang in there @Rtkennedy1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 12 hours ago, poppyfields said: Make an appt with your primary doctor, he/she will write you a note to give your employer and refer you to a psychiatrist. Or go to the ER. Please take care of yourself! Re-quoting for emphasis. I just saw my primary last week, and covid is BAD here. They will see you. And will refer to a psychiatrist who will also see you, even if it's via Zoom. He/she will prescribe the proper medication to help balance out your emotions and help you cope. You've been through the ringer this year, I also think because of the situation with your ex, you never got to mourn the loss of your mom properly. You shoved those emotions down, problem was they were still there festering within. Now they are rising up and wreaking havoc on your psyche. Along with the sudden loss of your ex. That wouid be too much for even the most secure and healthiest person to handle. Please continue to post here for support. We all or most of us have been where you are, I have. And care. xo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 Thank you. I keep dwelling crying and it is a compilation of both losses Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Keep going @Rtkennedy1 we are all rooting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 18, 2020 Author Share Posted December 18, 2020 Im a wreck. Just getting by day to day I feel like im on day one and full of complete sadness. I haven't made any attempt at contact and geel alone and abandoned save for my brother who speaks to me daily. I dont think I've even entered the acceptance stage and am hysterical. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 You're just on overload right now, unfortunately it will take a while to work through it and start feeling more calm. Four years ago my dad died, I was divorcing after 23 years of marriage, and the guy I had become involved with and fallen hard for was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I felt like I was going crazy, as you put it sometimes I felt hysterical. I went to see a counselor because I felt like I was losing it. That's what she told me, that I was just overloaded and it was normal to feel that way. Too much loss at one time can be overwhelming. The counselor told me I just had to keep working my way through it and things would eventually ease. She was right. I know that doesn't sound very helpful right now, but just don't lose hope and feel that things will never be ok again. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to process everything. Keep posting here, hang in there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 It just feels like total loss and pining . Feel as if no progress is made- like I was saying , day one. . . Really struggling after a month of no contact and still holding on.. feel pathetic Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 Each day is progress even if it doesn’t feel that way. I am glad you have your brother to support you emotionally. Try to plan a few things each day - take one morning walk and one in the evening, for instance. Exercise or just stretch if you don’t have the energy. Getting some endorphins going will help a lot, fresh air is always good. Explore a meditation app like Waking Up (Sam Harris). I was not into meditation when I used it post breakup and it helped. Find and engrossing book, podcast or Netflix show for the evenings to try to pass the time and offer some distraction. Hang in there! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted December 21, 2020 Author Share Posted December 21, 2020 I still feel so responsible for the lack of sexual intamcy I felt capable of while caretaking for my mother before she passed. I suppose this is playing a big role in self blame but from what I've read to understand is completely normal. Just looking for insight . My thoughts of self blame are terrible and it wasn't as if my ex couldent see the frief or suffering . Nor that we didn't have sex at all. Just that it wasn't as frequent as she would have preferrered Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I still feel so responsible for the lack of sexual intamcy I felt capable of while caretaking for my mother before she passed. I suppose this is playing a big role in self blame but from what I've read to understand is completely normal. Just looking for insight . My thoughts of self blame are terrible and it wasn't as if my ex couldent see the frief or suffering . Nor that we didn't have sex at all. Just that it wasn't as frequent as she would have preferrered If your fiance could not deal with a drop off in sex because of the enormous stress you were under caring for a dying parent, then clearly she is not the type of "for better or for worse" woman. Life happens. A healthy partner will be able to see outside themselves long enough to realize the passing of your mother is temporary and will look for ways to ease your burdens in your time of need, not add to them. 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I still feel so responsible for the lack of sexual intamcy I felt capable of while caretaking for my mother before she passed. I suppose this is playing a big role in self blame but from what I've read to understand is completely normal. Just looking for insight . My thoughts of self blame are terrible and it wasn't as if my ex couldent see the frief or suffering . Nor that we didn't have sex at all. Just that it wasn't as frequent as she would have preferrered Perhaps reframing the situation will help? Ask yourself this question: if your situations were reversed and she was the one nursing a dying loved one, would you have been resentful that she didn't want to have sex as frequently? Would you have dumped her after her loved one died? And if things had just gotten too unbearable and you'd had to end the relationship, would you have done it like she did--in a very abrupt manner, leaving no room for conversation? If your answer to any of these questions is no, it's worth asking yourself why you wouldn't have done that thing/those things. Were there been points in your relationship when she was physically ill or depressed and needed you to be considerate and accommodating? Did you respond to her needs accordingly or were you resentful? Edited December 21, 2020 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
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