Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 4, 2021 Author Share Posted January 4, 2021 Been out of work. Cant concentrate on anything . Seeing dr n therapist . Been horrible Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 9 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Been out of work. Cant concentrate on anything . Seeing dr n therapist . Been horrible Hang in there. Create a routine of simple things? A walk, fresh air, wash the sheets, listen to music? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 4, 2021 Author Share Posted January 4, 2021 Feels like my whole life is lost. That I could have done something better or different. Just a shame it had to end like this Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Feels like my whole life is lost. That I could have done something better or different. Just a shame it had to end like this It's not over yet. You've lots more life to live. Get well. Edited January 4, 2021 by Ellener clarification 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 I sure hope your doc is trying different types of antidepressants, it's not one size fits all. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 6 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Feels like my whole life is lost. That I could have done something better or different. Just a shame it had to end like this Hang in there Rtkennedy. I know it's hard to see it now but you will get over this and things will get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Share Posted January 9, 2021 Its been 2 months and I dont feel much better. Still think of her all the time. Cant sleep. Barely eating . Just pining away . Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 What did your doctor say? I believe you had an appt around Christmas. Did you get prescribed medication for depression? Time will heal but just keep fighting each day. Plan activities no matter how small or simple. Connect with your brother and friends. Walk or better yet exercise vigorously if you are well enough. For me, exercise does wonders and always lifts the mood. It helps make you both physically and mentally stronger, and tires you out so perhaps the evenings are not so tough to pass. You will sleep better. Not sure if you like working out but TRX is amazing and versatile and easy to do at home. Check it out and if it appeals to you, it’s not very expensive, and the app is good with lots of classes. I also ordered a spin bike as I wanted the ability to do cardio inside. That came with an app and the company offers a lot of HIIT/weights/yoga classes I have been doing as I wait for the bike to arrive, and then I can take the spin classes too. It even streams to my large screen TV which is super cool (something the TRX app doesn’t yet have...). Explore some new hobbies, even if you have to sort of force yourself to do it. You can find all sorts of online classes or watch free YouTube videos for most things. I believe you need to start taking steps to pull yourself out of you head (and the past) to try and gain some forward velocity. Of course you will be sad for quite some time and think about the past - I still do and am two years beyond you but now when I reflect back I can appreciate the great time and years we had and not get down. Hang in there - it’s the start of a new year and things will get better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Its been 2 months and I dont feel much better. Still think of her all the time. Cant sleep. Barely eating . Just pining away . Sorry this is happening. However you need to get support for the drinking as well as get to the doctor. Interestingly, she left you for these very reasons. Drinking. Not taking care of yourself. Getting withdrawn. Untreated mental health issues. Making excuses. Sadly you're still stuck in all that. If you check out Alcoholics Anonymous online, you'll see how close to rock bottom you really are. Loss of relationship (that cites drinking as an issue). Loss of employment. Loss of health. Withdrawal from life. Etc. She didn't make you drink. She didn't make you refuse to get to a physician for help. All she did was leave after repeatedly complaining about your mental health and drinking. The rest is up to you. Most drinkers avoid doctors. Why? They want to keep drinking. Maybe you're not ready for help or AA. Maybe you just want to continue making excuses. All very characteristic. Your life is yours. Up to you to decide if losing relationships, jobs, health etc. is worth another lonely sad night of drowning your sorrows with you and your wine bottle. You want people to care. But you have to care about yourself too. Not just keep saying how miserable you feel. Edited January 10, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 Are you still drinking alcohol @Rtkennedy1? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 Negative. Havent been drinking. Quit. Found out she is in a relationship as of Dec 7th 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 She moved fast. He's probably just a rebound and those typically don't last. For whatever that might be worth which I know isn't all that much but hey it's something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 I stopped a few weeks after she left. Wiseman is incorrect in his assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 I appreciate the support. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 5 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Negative. Havent been drinking. Quit. Found out she is in a relationship as of Dec 7th Don’t be surprised if it started long before that. Sounds like she monkey branched to another guy. They never tell the truth. Count yourself lucky it happened now versus later. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 You sound a bit better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 I agree. And again- we both drank. Never to excess but I did drink more than her and she did complain and I did abuse more than a few glasses of port while my mothers condition was worsening. I was not blacking out nor did it affect my job or functioning. I do feel better, however betrayed and monkey branching is a conclusion I came too as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 Now that you know the truth use that to move on. Block her on everything and purge your place of anything of hers. Collect it all up and leave it at her parents. No contact is your best option. That included her family as well. You don’t want this swimming around in your head. They should understand. If not let that be their problem and not yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 6 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Negative. Havent been drinking. Quit. That's brilliant! You may not feel it but you're doing great. Keep going, sending you a huge hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I stopped a few weeks after she left. Excellent. However, you stopped a little too late.😕 As for her new romance. Did she post that on social media? In a way it confirms that it was over long before it was over. Edited January 11, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 How was today @Rtkennedy1 ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 Its been horrible in all honesty. Therapy hasn't helped and I've been consistent. Even tho I know shes with someone else I still miss her. I have been in this state for so long and cant seem to break free. Still not sleeping even with the meds. Its horrific. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 Sorry this is happening. It's like the demise of the relationship is hitting you all at once like a tsunami. Whereas she's been planning her move and new life with her family there for a while now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 11 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Its been horrible in all honesty. Therapy hasn't helped and I've been consistent. Even tho I know shes with someone else I still miss her. I have been in this state for so long and cant seem to break free. Still not sleeping even with the meds. Its horrific. I've been looking at this today, https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/ trying to develop more 'survival skills'. I still remember my ex husband( and various other relationships which ended ) but the pain fades over time, the emotions are gone, relegated to the past. I've had horrible anxiety and depression at times in my life, when I get stuck I just keep going through the motions- good nutrition,exercise, nature. Hook into a daily routine until things feel better. Do you have a faith/faith practice? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Ellener said: Hook into a daily routine until things feel better. Do you have a faith/faith practice? I agree with this whole heartedly. Also anger can be a positive force to tap into. The past comments have covered this before but you did not deserve to be treated this way, etc. etc. When my husband detonated the relationship and I learned more about decisions he made and betrayals well before the breakup, I summoned my anger and self love to help block, file for divorce and move on, etc. I am not saying it was easy but I won’t coexist with lies. I mentally decided how ridiculous it would be to pine away at the loss of a relationship that wasn’t what it seemed towards the end. That’s not to say we did not have some great years and experiences as we did, but life is long and not all relationships will survive even when a marriage vow was made. Edited January 16, 2021 by ClearEyes-FullHeart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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