Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 Routines been terrible. Pining every day. Depression everyday Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 Its early Monday morning now and I just wake up to a text sent at 2 o'clock in the morning, apparently from her new bf/ex boyfriend( north carolina telephone number)- " she's a lier and a slut, i dont want to talk about it" im like wtf...... i don't know what to make of it- and can only imagine this is her revound/new ex bf- its completely bizarre Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Rtkennedy1 said: " she's a lier and a slut, i dont want to talk about it" Text back "who is this?". Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Its early Monday morning now and I just wake up to a text sent at 2 o'clock in the morning, apparently from her new bf/ex boyfriend( north carolina telephone number)- " she's a lier and a slut, i dont want to talk about it" im like wtf...... i don't know what to make of it- and can only imagine this is her revound/new ex bf- its completely bizarre It is bizarre honey, but it's another example of her drama-creation that you are trying to extricate yourself from. Delete it and ignore it is what I would do. It's not your business, your business is solely to get well again and move on with your own happier life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 7 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Routines been terrible. Pining every day. Depression everyday Draw a line under it. Start again. Breathing exercises might help. 'Pranayama'. Changes my energy levels, and it's part of what I use for singing, breath control. What's your diet like? You may need B12 supplements, ask your dr, it's water soluble so can be taken morning and night, I use cherry flavour ones you dissolve under the tongue! I find fast food/sugar makes me lethargic, this would be a good time for you to get into cooking and nutrition, look after yourself on every level @Rtkennedy1 🥣 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 I texted " who's this?" And havent gotten a response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 I've been into cooking for a long time- although I must admit The depression has given me many of cup o noodle soups over the past few montgs...i generally had eaten much healthier in the past. Along with sleep, my eating habits have been much worse than they used to be...ive been trying to turn that around but I just don't have the appetite i once did... ive lost close to 20lbs from close to 200lbs down to 175, its one thing I can slightly view as a positive, although it wasnt intentional. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 48 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: ive lost close to 20lbs from close to 200lbs down to 175, its one thing I can slightly view as a positive, although it wasnt intentional. every cloud has a silver lining?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 I suppose so- I guess thats the mindeframe I need to adapt, don't have much of a choice Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 22 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I suppose so- I guess thats the mindeframe I need to adapt, don't have much of a choice Control the things you can and need to...daily routine is so powerful on mood, and stuff like diet, exercise, breathing, stretching, B12, etc it's so easy and rewarding to do and makes al the difference. I make a 'care plan' for myself sometimes like I would for a client/patient, you could show it to your doctor or counsellor for their input. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 21, 2021 Author Share Posted January 21, 2021 Still struggling everyday. Thinking about her and my mother everyday the fact that she was the last girl my mother knew. Trying to move on but don't seem to be able to Link to post Share on other sites
maggiemtn Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 Do you have a counselor? I haven’t looked back on this thread but that may help you as well as seeing a doctor. Get outside for 20-30 minutes every day. Hope you feel better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 22, 2021 Author Share Posted January 22, 2021 Yes doing both 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 (edited) Count yourself lucky. What if you’d married, had kids, etc. Get her of the pedestal you have her on. Walk or do some exercises. That’ll help clear your mind and tire you out for some much needed rest. Edited January 22, 2021 by Marc878 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 23, 2021 Author Share Posted January 23, 2021 Yeah . Still doesn't take away the pain of betrayal. My friends and family know of her actions and condemn her for it. I know of it and have to live with it and I dont have any forgiveness in my heart. I can walk around all night and day but don't see that as an answer or remedy. I accept sometimes you just get cut or burned and will bear the scar Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 Some say you need to forgive in order to move on. I'm not one of them. The best revenge is to live well and leave them in the dust. You sound better. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 One idea for your healthy eating plan is consider getting a local CSA box (community supported agriculture). You can usually tailor to what you like, and get a mix of fruit and vegetables or solely one or the other. I love mine - all organic and supports local ag, and also reduces the need to shop in stores which I like given covid. Just a thought! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 (edited) On 1/18/2021 at 12:07 PM, Rtkennedy1 said: Its early Monday morning now and I just wake up to a text sent at 2 o'clock in the morning, apparently from her new bf/ex boyfriend( north carolina telephone number)- " she's a lier and a slut, i dont want to talk about it" im like wtf...... i don't know what to make of it- and can only imagine this is her revound/new ex bf- its completely bizarre Please block that number. And any other number connected to her or her people. Considering what you've been through and are still going through, you don't need her or anyone else sabotaging whatever steps you're taking towards healing. Someone mentioned you sound a little better. I agree. Do look into improving your nutrition like folks are suggesting. Healthy eating helps. If your appetite is low, just push yourself to eat something. A few spoonfools is better than nothing. Sometimes, for some people, cooking is also therapeutic. I think everything you've been through is taking a toll, not just on your mental health but also on your physical health. Being exposed to high-octane stress and trauma over the long-term will do that to you: it impacts your brain physiologically as well as other organs and organ systems. Perhaps that's why it's taking so long for you to feel better. So in addition to seeing a doctor and getting put on medication and getting counselling (which you've already done), it's important to pay attention to your nutrition (and exercise). I'm wondering if your apparent isolation is making things worse. How many people do you have checking in on you regularly apart from your brother? Do you think it would help if a couple more people did the same, even if they were relative strangers and they were doing it via your inbox here? Edited January 23, 2021 by Acacia98 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 10 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Yeah . Still doesn't take away the pain of betrayal. My friends and family know of her actions and condemn her for it. I know of it and have to live with it and I dont have any forgiveness in my heart. I can walk around all night and day but don't see that as an answer or remedy. I accept sometimes you just get cut or burned and will bear the scar You need to reach a place of indifference and acceptance. Give yourself time to reach that place but make sure you aim there. You cannot hold on to betrayal and resentment, you have a life to live and deserve to live it without holding on to negativity. Don't be like those people who carry 20 years old scars and can't truly love again. I don't know if hearing your family and friends condemning her actually helps you? I know it doesn't help me and it's not something I let happening in front of me, it doesn't help me move on at all. Yes I am hurt by his betrayal but our relationship was much more than that betrayal, I know how to make the difference between his good side and his bad side. you would not have spent that many years with a villain, right. I am 6 weeks post breakup (5 years re-ship), you know what would do me some good now? It would be to go away to a place where I have no memory of him, discover a new city by myself, go spend a couple of days by a lake, anything away. Unfortunately I am living in a city in full lockdown with a curfew and travelling is banned but may be it's something you'd like to try. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 23, 2021 Author Share Posted January 23, 2021 I dont feel much better honestly. Im taking everything. My feelings ,thoughts , regrets and pain day by day. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 @Gaeta is right, discovering something new is a good start. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) Your brain has to process this. It happens at it's own pace to some extent and usually take longer than we'd like it to. Research the 180 if you haven't already - it might be helpful for you. I see it as essentially applied Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for break-ups/cheat situations. Moving out to a new place might be helpful if that's an option for you. It's (quite) possible you're suffering from Depression, so consider seeing a therapist if that is an option as well (sorry if that's been discussed already, I haven't read back). Edited January 26, 2021 by mark clemson 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 26, 2021 Author Share Posted January 26, 2021 Im seeing a therapist for the depression. Ive not heard anything from her and don't expect to. It hurts tremendously that someone you loved for 5 years could be so cruel. I still fight with sadness and regret everyday 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) It is horrible and after all the pain you’ve been through with losing your mother, leaving now is a heartless thing to do. However, we don’t know how she perceived things. If you were wrapped up with work and your mum (entirely understandable) then that’s one thing. Your ex was probably feeling sad too but felt you’d cut off from her. It may be that she thought the drinking was making your emotional detachment from her worse - who knows? She may have had her reasons, however immature her behaviour was. Ultimately, she ended up hurting you. She didn’t want to continue in the relationship or she would have stayed. You loved her, with integrity, and you cared for your mother. You can rest knowing you were genuine. Whether she can rest with her conscience is another matter. You are obviously a decent guy who tries to do the right thing. She was too immature and needy herself to stand by you. You can feel proud of yourself, knowing that however things worked out you had a ‘good heart’. Write off this woman. You will only drive yourself crazy trying to understand the impossible. Once you have come through this, you will find a better future with someone who can be there for you. Edited January 26, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 26, 2021 Author Share Posted January 26, 2021 Cant seem to find the strength . Just feel beaten Link to post Share on other sites
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