Strip Club Problem...Help.

[dnm1010]

i think you shoudl tell her and dont go to strip clubs again..

tell her youre not going to go again, itll probably help.

i think maybe drinking and the atmosphere clouded your judgement and you made a bad choice. i recently read that most married couples where cheating was involved, end up actually staying together and fixing their relationship. not that it happens to everyone. im not justifying cheating but i do know that its harder to leave somone you really love than people think.. i think if she gets mad at you, you deserve it. if youre at long distances from each other, you deffinetely need to spend some time together.

[tallgirl]

I know this is an old post but I recently stumbled upon it while doing a google search on people who feel betrayed by there boyfriends/husbands going to strip clubs.

 

My boyfriend recently visited a strip club when he was out of town with "the boys". When we first started dating we covered all the ground rules of what each of us considered inappropriate behaviour and vowed always to respect each other. I felt that strip clubs where disrespectful and felt very betrayed and hurt when I discovered that he had gone. His first instinct was to lie to me because he knew I would be hurt and yes I would break up with him. He was right I packed his bags and set them outside. Yes, what he did was wrong but until I read your posts I couldn't see past my own rage to think clearly.I was willing to let the man that I wanted to be apart of all my tomorrows go. I was willing to throw away everything we had together because of one night that was totally out of character for him.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank-you CarmenIbanez you are a very intelligent and well spoken individual. Your comments have helped me move past my boyfriends wrong doings, and helped me see WHY I should forgive him.

 

 

 

 

I

I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't understand a philosophical point! I meant that maybe it wasn't the right forum for the exchange.

 

Why is it so different from your children? Because we don't offer our spouses and partners the same kind of unconditional love that we offer our children. We don't because we feel like we have a lifetime bond with our children that can never be broken. That no matter what happens, we forgive our children and expect that they will try to do better. But we never afford this to our spouses, do we? Why? Because to do so would entail trusting them, even when we don't know what they are doing. It is the kind of faith that we seem to reserve only for god and our children. And the lack of faith in our partners is what keeps most of us from ever being completely in love.

 

The funny thing is that we see something along the lines of this guy's behavior as so egregious, so completely betraying, that we would leave him/her for such a thing? I just wonder if we expect too much, get too little and live life a little bit less for it?

[Second-best]

I read some of the first posts, and while I totally agree with what some people said about you confessing what you did as being selfish, however, another point was brought up, that the person would want to know if their significant other was cheating so that they could leave, and I feel more strongly in agreement with this. Think about it this way: You want your gf to accept you for who you are and what you've done. But if you've hidden your actions, she's not really accepting all of you, is she? Would you feel content knowing that she's with you without knowing the truth? or would you feel like she truly loves you if she stayed with you after knowing what you'd done???

[tessie]

I'm gonna have to agree with second best. While I would most definitely consider what you did cheating, that doesn't mean that it is in her eyes. I have no right to judge your relationship and how you both choose to set boundaries.

 

The real thing is - do you trust her? Because as much as I do consider that cheating, if that is truly out of your character and you are truly sorry, then if she really loves you she may or may not be horribly hurt but she will probably decide to work past it. People do make mistakes.

 

If she decides that it's not ok and that she can't trust you - shouldn't that be her decision to make. You really don't have the right to choose what her boundaries are. You do sound sincerely apologetic. I think that by not telling her and letting her make her decision on how to handle it, you are taking away her choice in the relationship.

 

If it was meant to be then she'll work with it. Tell her just like you told us in your first post. I hope you don't lose her, and I hope you don't do it again. Because whether or not you consider it to be cheating completely, you obviously feel a little guilty about it - which means there is a chance in your eyes that it is at least a little bit cheating. You made a poor judgement call. You're human. Hope that she is understanding and learn the lesson.

[xoxxtinaxox]

OK, U DID CHEAT ON HER! my b/f went to a strip bar and he's only 16 and i he lied to me about it until i found out from a different source. i can't even tell u how much it hurt me, and how many times i cry because this is not something i can just forget! if ur g/f finds out about it l8er she will NEVER forgive u...u may as well tell her now so that she trusts u with honesty. btw, U DESERVE TO GET UR ASS DUMPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wide_awake]

I'm not a master of advice,but try this.

 

Hit a strip club again with your girl,follow the same pattern of the excursion you are unsure of admiiting to.See how she reacts,that's it.

 

Or tell her,maybe she'll accept it maybe she won't.

 

I'm still a fan of never doing anything I wouldn't do with my signaficant other watching.

 

I hope it works out for you.

[franktank232]

I'd tell her...it'll come most likely come out @ some point, so why leave it bottled up, festering like a big pimple?

 

frank