Guys that do low effort to plan a first date

[ladybug2021]

5 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I go to the mall to shop for underwear and shoes, not to go on a date.

 

Exactly. And a guy who suggests this (or has no where to suggest and wants the woman to say), is someone I do not want to see because we are not on the same page.

[ladybug2021]

3 minutes ago, Woggle said:

if a woman is hot for a man he can take he to Mcdonald's and order for both of then off the dollar menu and it wouldn't matter. If a woman is not hot for a man he could take her to a world class restaurant and buy the most beautiful bouquet ever and it would not make her hot for him. In fact she might see it as creepy. The more men understand this the better they will do. 

Do you not understand that how you treat another person is how you treat yourself?

It is your choice where to go and what you expect from life. It has little to do with the woman being hot or not, but with his character as a man.

If he made the choice to ask her out, then he needs to treat her the right way. Period.

Edited November 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[Woggle]

1 minute ago, ladybug2021 said:

Do you not understand that how you treat another person is how you treat yourself?

It is your choice where to go and what you expect from life. It has little to do with the woman being hot or not, and his character as a man.

If he made the choice to ask her out, then he needs to treat her the right way. Period.

True but character does not mean much anymore. I am all for having character but any man who thinks having good character will benefit in the dating world is getting chewed up and spit out.

[ladybug2021]

3 minutes ago, Woggle said:

True but character does not mean much anymore. I am all for having character but any man who thinks having good character will benefit in the dating world is getting chewed up and spit out.

Great! That way he saves space for someone who appreciates him and doesn’t waste time.

[Woggle]

Just now, ladybug2021 said:

Great! That way he saves space for someone who appreciates him and doesn’t waste time.

More likely scenario is he becomes a bitter misogynist and isn't that pure towards women ever again. 

[poppyfields]

27 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Again, this is up to the man and the woman who have agreed to meet up, not you or anybody else. It's online DATING, not Meetup.com. If he doesn't invite me out on a date, I'm not going. But men I naturally click with best always ask me out on a DATE. And then later we get to fondly recall our first date... not a boring-ass "meeting." 🤮

Same for me but that's because we had already clicked/connected on line, so when we met, it seemed more like a date than a meet.

I never chose to meet every tom, dick and harry who wanted to meet me or who I chatted with, hardly!  I was extremely discerning.

I've mentioned before but my fiance was only the second man I met!

When we met, it was our first date, we both decided the place.  Our in-person energy was same as on-line, more so! And here we are. 😂

Edited November 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

30 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I find guys try to that go all out and make huge effort first date a huge turn off. It almost seems desperate. Meeting someone should be casual. I don’t want that pressure and neither should they. 
 

But to clarify, I do not consider coffee shop on the beach as “high effort” 

I agree.  The pressure of a romantic date the first time I meet someone is too much.  Suppose I'm not physically attracted to him or vice versa when we meet?  Now I've got candles burning and wine flowing and feeling absolutely nothing for someone who is putting out a lot of cash.  Poor deal for him.  Most guys don't want to invest that much financially unless they are sure they want to be romantic with you.

Shortskirts I want to kiss your little doggy.  He's so adorable.

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Exactly. And a guy who suggests this (or has no where to suggest and wants the woman to say), is someone I do not want to see because we are not on the same page.

And that's your right LB.  So is it safe to assume you won't be meeting this guy?  I mean why bother, your down on him already. 

Best to not get wound up about it, just next.  I nexted so many guys, it's just the nature of the beast.  

 

[ladybug2021]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree.  The pressure of a romantic date the first time I meet someone is too much.  Suppose I'm not physically attracted to him or vice versa when we meet?  Now I've got candles burning and wine flowing and feeling absolutely nothing for someone who is putting out a lot of cash.  Poor deal for him.  Most guys don't want to invest that much financially unless they are sure they want to be romantic with you.

Shortskirts I want to kiss your little doggy.  He's so adorable.

Again, it doesn’t have to be a romantic dinner.

Why is the only options coffee or dinner??

There are hundreds of stuff to do. Be creative.

[Ruby Slippers]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree.  The pressure of a romantic date the first time I meet someone is too much.  Suppose I'm not physically attracted to him or vice versa when we meet?  Now I've got candles burning and wine flowing and feeling absolutely nothing for someone who is putting out a lot of cash.  Poor deal for him. 

I don't want to go to a fancy or overly romantic place on the first date. A family neighborhood restaurant is perfect.

I only meet men who have plenty of recent photos so it's very clear whether there's potential attraction or not. They always look better in person, and tell me the same. 

I always offer to pay half. If I knew I had zero interest in seeing him again, I'd insist on paying half.

[ladybug2021]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

And that's your right LB.  So is it safe to assume you won't be meeting this guy?  I mean why bother, your down on him already. 

Best to not get wound up about it, just next.  I nexted so many guys, it's just the nature of the beast.  

 

He apologised and agreed a shopping mall is not the best place and that he hasn’t been out on a date for ages, but then suggested a place to meet that is like a shopping  mall but outside. lol

So nope not meeting him.

[poppyfields]

30 minutes ago, Woggle said:

if a woman is hot for a man he can take he to Mcdonald's and order for both of then off the dollar menu and it wouldn't matter. If a woman is not hot for a man he could take her to a world class restaurant and buy the most beautiful bouquet ever and it would not make her hot for him. In fact she might see it as creepy. The more men understand this the better they will do. 

That's not true.  I was pretty hot for my fiance prior to meeting in person, and if he had suggested McDonald's (and been serious), I would have definitely reconsidered.  

Not to mention, most people don't know how hot they are for someone until they meet!  

My fiance and I chatted for two weeks prior so we knew.  But most people don't.  

Edited November 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

Best to not get wound up about it, just next.  I nexted so many guys, it's just the nature of the beast. 

And if you don't want to be "nexted" you have to stand out in the crowd. 

That includes a proper date, not one where the Jack in Box clown/mascot behind the counter asks if you want fries with that...

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, ladybug2021 said:

So nope not meeting him.

Good Choice....

[boymommy]

1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes I do like old fashioned men but he doesn’t need to open doors and do all the stuff. 

I just love the balance between masculine and feminine energy and love a masculine man who takes the lead. It’s a huge turn on for me!

Also, I am a lot on my masculine energy during the day with work and taking care of my son and taking decisions and doing stuff. So it’s nice to be with a masculine man who does that naturally and I can just relax on my feminine  energy for a change.

Well a lot of masculine men are leaders and arent really into flexibility or taking a woman’s needs or wants into consideration. 

What you seem to be looking for is a mix of a masculine man with feminine energy..a leader and can take charge but still open to compromise and flexible when needed, as you seem to be a mix too. A feminine woman would be passive and more go with the flow. A masculine woman would want to plan out the date. You seem to want him to plan but if you object to his plans, be granted veto rights. 
 

You want masculine/feminine not masculine. 

[ladybug2021]

23 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Same for me but that's because we had already clicked/connected on line, so when we met, it seemed more like a date than a meet.

I never chose to meet every tom, dick and harry who wanted to meet me or who I chatted with, hardly!  I was extremely discerning.

I've mentioned before but my fiance was only the second man I met!

When we met, it was our first date, we both decided the place.  Our in-person energy was same as on-line, more so! And here we are. 😂

Good for you! You didn’t waste time with other guys and met the one.

[boymommy]

1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said:

I don’t do ‘meetings’. I do dates. Meetings I have at work.

Being old fashioned I am the same. I know with OLD they say its a meeting to see if you like each other but thats dumb in my book. 1st date all the way

[ladybug2021]

10 minutes ago, boymommy said:

Well a lot of masculine men are leaders and arent really into flexibility or taking a woman’s needs or wants into consideration. 

What you seem to be looking for is a mix of a masculine man with feminine energy..a leader and can take charge but still open to compromise and flexible when needed, as you seem to be a mix too. A feminine woman would be passive and more go with the flow. A masculine woman would want to plan out the date. You seem to want him to plan but if you object to his plans, be granted veto rights. 
 

You want masculine/feminine not masculine. 

Yes you are probably right. Basically I want a man who is secure enough to plan and to be flexible too. 

[ladybug2021]

10 minutes ago, boymommy said:

Being old fashioned I am the same. I know with OLD they say its a meeting to see if you like each other but thats dumb in my book. 1st date all the way

That’s the dumbest thing ever! And not to mention the pressure of sitting at a table with someone you never met before figuring out if you like each other! Why not do something fun instead? Have hobbies in common? Both like walks, bike rides? Do that! 

Want to do the coffee date? Take a beach towel and sit in a park or at the beach. 

Be creative and do fun stuff instead of boring ‘meetings’.

Edited November 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[ladybug2021]

50 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So instead of insisting and then criticising, just end the conversation when he asks you to choose.

Good point!

[Miss Spider]

28 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Again, it doesn’t have to be a romantic dinner.

Why is the only options coffee or dinner??

There are hundreds of stuff to do. Be creative.

I think dinner is being cited because it is a more ‘formal’ date, like one would expect after some it is a established you want to date someone. 
 

If you are meeting someone online, I maintain that if you have standards,  there is there isn’t really a way to be sure that you do want to date this person until you meet in person. I don’t care how much you click in writing, or even over the phone, it could translate completely different once you meet. People know this, that is why a lot of them prefer that is more low-key and easier to go your separate ways if that initial meeting doesn’t go as planned. And that doesn’t have to mean disastrous, though it could be”. I have had dates with people that I knew as soon as I walked in wasn’t there for me, even though we had talked for a while through text beforehand and I was really sure there would be. 
 

If they continue to just want to do low key dates, I agree that’s a problem. I guess I just don’t understand why you expect someone who has never met you and does not know if they even really want to date you to invest a lot of thought and creativity in meeting you. That sounds quite desperate. I have had men on these apps go through hoops to plan out these dates and while it was flattering, it was high pressure and made me feel like they were trying a bit too hard for something with such a low possibility of return. they should have better things to do.  

 

Sure, pick a quiet date where you can actually connect without disturbance. Yes it would be preferable to pick a date that’s creative like a shared hobby or event that you’re interested in, but that’s not always available, especially these days. If it happens, awesome. I don’t know why you’d want a stranger with options to go out of their way to make this happen with another stranger. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

41 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree.  The pressure of a romantic date the first time I meet someone is too much.  Suppose I'm not physically attracted to him or vice versa when we meet?  Now I've got candles burning and wine flowing and feeling absolutely nothing for someone who is putting out a lot of cash.  Poor deal for him.  Most guys don't want to invest that much financially unless they are sure they want to be romantic with you.

Shortskirts I want to kiss your little doggy.  He's so adorable.

Definitely. And thank you so much 🥰

Edited November 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ladybug2021]

13 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I think dinner is being cited because it is a more ‘formal’ date, like one would expect after some it is a established you want to date someone. 
 

If you are meeting someone online, I maintain that if you have standards,  there is there isn’t really a way to be sure that you do want to date this person until you meet in person. I don’t care how much you click in writing, or even over the phone, it could translate completely different once you meet. People know this, that is why a lot of them prefer that is more low-key and easier to go your separate ways if that initial meeting doesn’t go as planned. And that doesn’t have to mean disastrous, though it could be”. I have had dates with people that I knew as soon as I walked in wasn’t there for me, even though we had talked for a while through text beforehand and I was really sure there would be. 
 

If they continue to just want to do low key dates, I agree that’s a problem. I guess I just don’t understand why you expect someone who has never met you and does not know if they even really want to date you to invest a lot of thought and creativity in meeting you. That sounds quite desperate. I have had men on these apps go through hoops to plan out these dates and while it was flattering, it was high pressure and made me feel like they were trying a bit too hard for something with such a low possibility of return. they should have better things to do.  

 

Sure, pick a quiet date where you can actually connect without disturbance. Yes it would be preferable to pick a date that’s creative like a shared hobby or event that you’re interested in, but that’s not always available, especially these days. If it happens, awesome. I don’t know why you’d want a stranger with options to go out of their way to make this happen with another stranger. 

I mentioned on my first post about going to a cozy nice place near the seaside for a first coffee date. Is that getting out of their way?

I’m not talking a private jet to Paris to have dinner at The Ritz. 

I was talking a man choosing a nice cozy place to meet for the first time. That is not ‘going out of their way’ or desperate. It’s just being a gentleman and a nice man.

[Miss Spider]

8 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

I mentioned on my first post about going to a cozy nice place near the seaside for a first coffee date. Is that getting out of their way?

I’m not talking a private jet to Paris to have dinner at The Ritz. 

I was talking a man choosing a nice cozy place to meet for the first time. That is not ‘going out of their way’ or desperate. It’s just being a gentleman and a nice man.

No it’s not. I agree with you about that. There is nothing wrong with a coffee shop by the beach. 
 

My response was directly pointed at the quoted comment where you made it seem you had a problem with coffee because that wasn’t ‘being creative’. 

 

 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ladybug2021]

8 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

No it’s not. I agree with you about that. There is nothing wrong with a coffee shop by the beach. 
 

My response was directly pointed at the quoted comment where you made it seem you had a problem with coffee because that wasn’t ‘being creative’. 

 

 

 

Got it. I have no problem with coffee, the problem is how they do it. 

As I mentioned there’s a big difference between ‘let’s have a coffee at the food court in a mall’ and ‘let’s have a coffee at this nice seaside cozy place I know’. BIG difference.

And if the date goes well you can even go for a walk on the beach. Much better than walking to the parking lot of the mall.