Guys that do low effort to plan a first date

[ladybug2021]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

I think the point is when you don't  really know each other..its not meant to be a romantic date lol.

A meet up or hang out to see if there is any potential is what it should be called.

Also he may think youre asking too much if you didnt like the first suggestion because it wasn't special enough or whatever. He may think ok..but i dont even know  this woman.

If you get what i mean?

I do get what you mean, but I think different.

It can of course be a romantic date, why not? Even if the two don’t match for more, it can still be a romantic and pleasant experience and I think people should want more out of life rather than a first boring meet on a shopping mall. 

[peach302]

1 minute ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes full of kids screaming and people walking around with food plates. 😂

Read my last post lol.

These days on old you will be hard pressed to find a guy who will go all out the first time they're seeing someone. Im currently on it...so i know how it is lol. 

Not telling you to drop your standards but its just facts.

Maybe this time round you sort out a venue again..you did it the last ten times 😂🤷‍♀️. So do it once more

 

[ladybug2021]

Just now, basil67 said:

Or maybe he should not meet a woman who insists he chooses then criticises his choice.

Agree. He should go with a woman who finds a meeting on a shopping mall amazing! I expect more.

[Miss Spider]

Yeah, so you ask them to make a suggestion and you didn’t like their suggestion so you told them to pick again? Haha

 

It could be that this is online dating and people want to meet you before they decide to date you. 

 

I won’t meet someone on online dating for the first date for ‘dinner’. I have no clue how they really are in person, so I want something  I can make a quick exit from in the case stuff goes south. I prefer something I can say ‘oh hey, look at the time’ a little while in.  Don’t want to have to sit through drinks appetizer  dinner and dessert if I don’t have to. 
 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ladybug2021]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

Read my last post lol.

These days on old you will be hard pressed to find a guy who will go all out the first time they're seeing someone. Im currently on it...so i know how it is lol. 

Not telling you to drop your standards but its just facts.

Maybe this time round you sort out a venue again..you did it the last ten times 😂🤷‍♀️. So do it once more

 

And that is why people on OLD go on hundreds of dates and find no one special. Because they treat it as ‘one meeting’ instead of making it special.

Special not because you already feel romantic about the other person (you don’t know them yet), but because it is your default mode and you live life in a special way.

[ladybug2021]

5 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yeah, so you ask them to make a suggestion and you didn’t like their suggestion so you told them to pick again? Haha

 

It could be that this is online dating and people want to meet you before they decide to date you. 

 

I won’t meet someone on online dating for the first date for ‘dinner’. I have no clue how they really are in person, so I want something  I can make a quick exit from in the case stuff goes south. I prefer something I can say ‘oh hey, look at the time’ a little while in.  Don’t want to have to sit through drinks appetizer  dinner and dessert if I don’t have to. 
 

 

I didn’t say go on a romantic dinner.

It can simply be a coffee date. But is different for example going to a cozy place on the seaside and going to a busy shopping mall with kids screaming around you.

Edited November 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[peach302]

1 minute ago, ladybug2021 said:

And that is why people on OLD go on hundreds of dates and find no one special. Because they treat it as ‘one meeting’ instead of making it special.

Special not because you already feel romantic about the other person (you don’t know them yet), but because it is your default mode and you live life in a special way.

Fair enough. Im not complaining. i wouldnt mind that either but sometimes it is just what it is. 😂

I do find lets go for coffee to be the most common one..i find that boring as hell. First because  i don't  drink coffee and i end up getting a bottle of water instead and second its just awkward staring into the face of a stranger for however long.

But anyway..either you suggest somewhere..or maybe do something small initally. If theres mutual attraction you can carry it on somewhere nicer.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

5 minutes ago, peach302 said:

These days on old you will be hard pressed to find a guy who will go all out the first time they're seeing someone. Im currently on it...so i know how it is lol. 

This has not been my experience. It didn't take me long to figure out that men who asked me out for coffee were lame. Now I only accept invites for lunch or dinner.

The best men court and romance you from the very first contact. Anything less and I have zero interest.

[clia]

I never really minded being asked to pick the place for an initial meet for online dating, because it allowed me to choose a place that was super convenient for me.  Which is exactly what he did, in choosing the food court right next to his place.  Once you actually start dating, then yes, it's nice for the man to choose a place and plan a date, but for a date zero?  Eh.  I think you are almost better off choosing yourself.   

Edited November 19, 2020 by clia

[ladybug2021]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

Fair enough. Im not complaining. i wouldnt mind that either but sometimes it is just what it is. 😂

I do find lets go for coffee to be the most common one..i find that boring as hell. First because  i don't  drink coffee and i end up getting a bottle of water instead and second its just awkward staring into the face of a stranger for however long.

But anyway..either you suggest somewhere..or maybe do something small initally. If theres mutual attraction you can carry it on somewhere nicer.

 

Exactly my point. Why do something that is boring, not romantic, see it as a ‘meeting’ and not a real date, and expect something good to come out of it?

You get what you put out. If you want something special to happen, treat everything in your life as special. Is this so hard to understand?

[peach302]

1 minute ago, Ruby Slippers said:

This has not been my experience. It didn't take me long to figure out that men who asked me out for coffee were lame. Now I only accept invites for lunch or dinner.

The best men court and romance you from the very first contact. Anything less and I have zero interest.

Its not something that never happens but it is rare. Even ive been asked out to go for dinner etc..but im saying sometimes its ok to accept the boring suggestions too..

But then again they were probably the most tight ones as well. Who wouldnt want go spend a penny later. And even complain about it. 

[ladybug2021]

3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

This has not been my experience. It didn't take me long to figure out that men who asked me out for coffee were lame. Now I only accept invites for lunch or dinner.

The best men court and romance you from the very first contact. Anything less and I have zero interest.

Exactly! The best man show he is the best man from the very start because it is their default mode. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[Miss Spider]

3 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

I didn’t say go on a romantic dinner.

It can simply be a coffee date. But is different for example going to a cozy place on the seaside and going to a busy shopping mall with kids screaming around you.

I agree with you there. I wouldn’t want to meet in a busy shopping mall either, but I don’t know if you can put that down to ‘effort’. If you live by the beach, it would take just as much effort to go to a quiet coffee shop there then it would to go to a busy mall. It is just his taste/preference in a first meet venue don’t match. 

[peach302]

4 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Exactly my point. Why do something that is boring, not romantic, see it as a ‘meeting’ and not a real date, and expect something good to come out of it?

You get what you put out. If you want something special to happen, treat everything in your life as special. Is this so hard to understand?

No i get you its a fair point.

I was trying to explain from the guys perspective i guess a lot don't see it that way? 

 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302

[smackie9]

First meet up...beer and chicken wings...I wouldn't accept anything less!

Edited November 19, 2020 by smackie9

[Miss Spider]

6 minutes ago, clia said:

I never really minded being asked to pick the place for an initial meet for online dating, because it allowed me to choose a place that was super convenient for me.  Which is exactly what he did, in choosing the food court right next to his place.  Once you actually start dating, then yes, it's nice for the man to choose a place and plan a date, but for a date zero?  Eh.  I think you are almost better off choosing yourself.   

I like to pick too.  And actually a lot of guys don’t ask you that to be ‘lazy’. They just don’t want to pressure or impose that on the woman. If they pick the place, it’s a lot more likely you won’t like it and will judge or reject the date accordingly...Original post is case in point

Edited November 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ladybug2021]

3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

No i get you its a fair point.

I was trying to explain from the guys perspective i guess a lot don't see it that way? 

 

 

Because they are mediocre and live a mediocre life.

[Happy Lemming]

Any guy worth his salt, has a long list of places he can suggest for dating.  If she bulked at one place, I have ten others ready to suggest. 

A mall or coffee shop has NEVER been on my first date suggestion list.

And guys if you are picking the woman up, don't show up empty handed.  Swing by a local grocery store en route and pick up an inexpensive bouquet of flowers.  $5-$6 isn't going to make or break you and it shows effort.

[Miss Spider]

I find guys try to that go all out and make huge effort first date a huge turn off. It almost seems desperate. Meeting someone should be casual. I don’t want that pressure and neither should they. 
 

But to clarify, I do not consider coffee shop on the beach as “high effort” 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[MsJayne]

I think you have to remember that the first OLD date is actually just a face-to-face meeting more than a date in the traditional sense, and so it's not a bad thing to go for convenience more than atmosphere. If he asks you on a second date and takes you to Donut King then you have a problem. 

[basil67]

28 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Agree. He should go with a woman who finds a meeting on a shopping mall amazing! I expect more.

So instead of insisting and then criticising, just end the conversation when he asks you to choose.

[Ruby Slippers]

Just now, MsJayne said:

I think you have to remember that the first OLD date is actually just a face-to-face meeting more than a date in the traditional sense, and so it's not a bad thing to go for convenience more than atmosphere. 

Again, this is up to the man and the woman who have agreed to meet up, not you or anybody else. It's online DATING, not Meetup.com. If he doesn't invite me out on a date, I'm not going. But men I naturally click with best always ask me out on a DATE. And then later we get to fondly recall our first date... not a boring-ass "meeting." 🤮

[Happy Lemming]

30 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

He should go with a woman who finds a meeting on a shopping mall amazing!

I go to the mall to shop for underwear and shoes, not to go on a date.

 

[ladybug2021]

18 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Any guy worth his salt, has a long list of places he can suggest for dating.  If she bulked at one place, I have ten others ready to suggest. 

A mall or coffee shop has NEVER been on my first date suggestion list.

And guys if you are picking the woman up, don't show up empty handed.  Swing by a local grocery store en route and pick up an inexpensive bouquet of flowers.  $5-$6 isn't going to make or break you and it shows effort.

Exactly.

The point many guys fail to understand is that putting effort on a first date is not just about the woman (especially if they never saw her), is about being a nice man, putting in effort and live life in a special way.

I’m sure men would also have more success in dating if they act like this.

Edited November 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[Woggle]

if a woman is hot for a man he can take he to Mcdonald's and order for both of then off the dollar menu and it wouldn't matter. If a woman is not hot for a man he could take her to a world class restaurant and buy the most beautiful bouquet ever and it would not make her hot for him. In fact she might see it as creepy. The more men understand this the better they will do.