Yes vs No in LTR's

[Mysterio]

So if your SO/WIfe/Husband/Partner says Yes to you all the time interms of getting a Dog/Cat/Moving to another house, coming home because your upset about something.  Not like a flood in the basement.  

How does that effect your relationship?  Does saying No all the time a bit too much as well.  All my male friends who complied with their SO.  They don't seem as happy with them.  I think its give a take, but I wonder sometimes.  

My Friend DT's Fiancee got him to go along with tons of situations.  When it comes to him wanting something.  I can't see her conceding to his whims.  

[SumGuy]

Honest, respectful communication and respect for each other's responsibilities and needs is what you should be looking at.   I some case yes is the answer, in some no, in many it is maybe and you work it out together.

It is very simple, even if very hard for most to do.

[Ruby Slippers]

A sign of a healthy relationship is feeling free to say yes or no to things depending on how you feel about them. If someone is always a "yes man/woman," they're probably suppressing their own desires because they'll do anything to hang onto the person.

[mark clemson]

A successful LTR is going to require some level of compromise. That's just the reality of two different people sharing a life together.

If it's TOO one sided, then either one partner is much more flexible about their life or they are co-dependent to a certain extent.

[neowulf]

All relationships are built on a degree of compromise.  If you want it 100% your way all the time, don't get involved with other people.

When I've had these kinds of argument in the past and my response was basically this;

"Explain to me why your preference matters more than mine?"

I consider myself to be reasonable.  Make your case.  Present why you want things to be the way you want them and if I consider it reasonable, I'll bend.

But simply demanding things are a certain way "because"?  Well, you only get a hand full of those and I reserve the right to do the same.

[dangerous]

It's a very common situation. Woman calling the shots, man going along with everything for a quiet life. It's a sign the man is weak, beta, whatever. The underlying fact is that guy is scared of walking and being alone, so he would rather put up with being second.

Of course it works the other way round.

Edited November 28, 2020 by dangerous

[Chilli]

There's some things that just go with being married or long term partners from my point of view especially for men. Bc there's always just a lotta female crap you deal with or just do bc she's female and it's just gonna be there and go with the territory, Of course she won't see it that way most women just don't realize most men aren't 1/2 female nor do they even giva shyt about a lot of things that she will.  But that's not sayin even close to some yes man over all though forget it and when you do see that hell no those guys are usually pretty miserable , can't be all about her , or him. And there's things for him she wouldn't normally giva shyt about either but she puts up with or tries for him , or does or goes with or sometimes ends up interested in bc it's part of him or whatever too. 

But hell no , over all though things have gotta run both ways for me, l'd never be with someone that was just all about her .

Edited November 28, 2020 by Chilli

[major_merrick]

I get a lot of "Yes" from my husband.  Occasionally a "No" but not all that much.  He gives me space to have whatever projects I want.  I can work or not work, depending on my goal.  Putting up a huge new garage?  No problem, just a couple of requests about dimensions and location.  If I'm tired or sick or in a bad mood, he tries very hard to make me comfortable. 

However spoiled I am, it is very clear who has the authority in the house, and it isn't me.  His house, his family, his kids, his rules.  I can say no to him, but it has to be done a certain way and for a reason.  Like I made my opinion clear about his former drinking habit, and I did it gently enough that I succeeded.  But overtly telling him no, challenging authority, or refusing a direct order?  Not the best idea.  Thankfully, I like my living situation and I agree with his goals and his style, so I don't have issues with it.  

[Cookiesandough]

Xxxxxx

Edited November 29, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[SolG]

I don't think that anyone should abbrogate their decision making power in a relationship 'just coz'. That's a bit weak... and silly in the long run.  I rather think in healthy relationships it's about honesty, openness and understanding.

I recall my xH and I in the throes of organising our wedding, when he presented me with his choice of jacket... which I hated. However, once he explained to me that he had loved that particular design and colour since seeing it in his favourite James Bond movie as a child... and that of all the wedding arrangements that was the one he most had his heart set on... Well, I didn't compromise, I acquiesed and agreed that was the right decision to make despite my not particularly not liking the aesthetic. The meaning for him was so much more important in the big scheme of things. And even though we're no longer together, that choice of jacket is still a matter of fond memory.

And I see similar circumstances all the time. Eg, He wants to go snowboarding with the boys. He springs it on partner at the last possible moment because he knows it's going to be contraversial. She gets upset and says no. He arcs up. They argue. He either backs down and doesn't go blaming her, or he goes resigning himself to the ensuing 'punishment'. When they actually could have had a conversation about why he feels he needs the escape, and she feels like he's more eager to spend time away with the boys than spending time away with her reconnecting and possibly coming up with a win/win.

I think when folk default to 'Yes dear', as opposed to 'Why should I say yes dear? What's really going on here?' then something is being inextricably lost in the communication process in that particular relationship.