Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 It would have been 5 years in a couple of weeks. The best relationship I have ever had in my entire life. I felt loved, admired, respected, I have laughed every day of my life since he's in it. Today I found out he is on a dating site and slept with 5 different women since October. I called all of them, they confirmed. I called him, confronted him, he came over got all of his things and gave my keys back. I am numb, I'm not crying, I'm not even mad. He keeps calling saying he loves me, I am the best thing that has ever happen to him and he's ready to go to therapy. I just continue to be numb. I refuse to feel hurt. 1 11 7 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 43 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Today I found out he is on a dating site and slept with 5 different women since October. Five, since October?? Did he have some sort of explanation/reason for this?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) I’m sorry, Gaeta. Saw some issues, but I was rooting for you guys. What a jerk. Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Five, since October?? Did he have some sort of explanation/reason for this?? He says since I go my foster daughter we don't touch each other anymore. It's ....true. I have a hard time being spontaneous with a teen sleeping in the next room. I also had a bad year menopausing and sex was the last thing on my mind. 😞 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) All of them had the same story. They saw each other 3-4 times and after sex he became distant. None of them knew he was in a relationship. Edited November 22, 2020 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 I have minimal experience with women going through menopause. I did date one woman who's doctor had to temporarily put her in menopause with Lupron Depot to correct a medical problem. She still had sex with me, I don't know if it was difficult for her or not. She never told me much about it, other than she was HOT all the time with hot flashes/flushes. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 How did you find out that he was on a dating site? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 I looked at his phone bills. I looked up these numbers on whattsapp. Saw their pictures and they were all women. I called them. They told me the website they met him on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 I'm so sorry Gaeta. What a horrible shock 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 Thanks basil, I don't think it has completely sink in yet. I don't think he understand the seriousness of this. He wanted to finish my renovation. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: He wanted to finish my renovation. I was just looking back at your thread about the drywall & painting. I guess we know why he didn't have the time to finish the repairs. If you and daughter's boyfriend can't complete the repairs, yourselves... hire a handy man to finish the renovation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 Gaeta, wow I am so so sorry to hear this, shocked actually. I have no words other than we are all here for you whenever you need and try and stay strong. ((BIG virtual hug)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: ...and gave my keys back. I think I might still have the locks changed. You don't know if he made a copy of the key or not. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 The big renovation is done. My next plan was a little modification in the kitchen. I don't need it done. He has nothing to finish here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 My title is ' betrayed, again' because my last LTR I discovered he was a chronic cheater. Now this. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 I am sorry to hear this. You two seemed so happy and you obviously loved him so it was scummy to do this to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) Oh Gaeta. I'm so, so, so sorry. Please don't try to redeem this or give him a chance. If it was just about physical intimacy he could have had a conversation with you like an actual adult. He didn't, and what he did was not only cowardly and awful but incredibly dangerous. Please get tests for your own sake. I would give yourself at least 72 hours before you so much as respond to his calls. After such a shock it will be days, weeks even before this sets in, and you can feel and experience whatever then. But until then, please take care of yourself. We're pulling for you. Feel free to DM anytime. Edited November 22, 2020 by lana-banana 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 minute ago, lana-banana said: If it was just about physical intimacy he could have had a conversation with you like an actual adult. Maybe he did and I was too much in my own thing to listen. He told me several times he missed making love, we had to do it more often, etc. Last night we were watching a movie and he pulled me toward him and whispered he needed my affection and he put my arm around him. 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 I'm so sorry to hear this, Gaeta. Sending you strength and healing. ❤️ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 Just now, Gaeta said: Maybe he did and I was too much in my own thing to listen. He told me several times he missed making love, we had to do it more often, etc. Last night we were watching a movie and he pulled me toward him and whispered he needed my affection and he put my arm around him. 😞 Do not be ridiculous. This is not your fault. When people in healthy relationships experience difficulties, they work through it together (with a therapist, having extensive conversations, and so on). They don't cheat. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 41 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Maybe he did and I was too much in my own thing to listen. He told me several times he missed making love, we had to do it more often, etc. Based on this information, I can admit I probably would have done the same thing (he did). It wouldn't have been 5 women in a 6 week period, but I know I would have been sleeping with someone else. OK... I'm ready to be flamed by everyone, so go ahead.... but I'm being honest here. I also think your ex-boyfriend is younger than me, so he would have even more testosterone roaring through his body and (probably) a higher sex drive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 10 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Based on this information, I can admit I probably would have done the same thing (he did). It wouldn't have been 5 women in a 6 week period, but I know I would have been sleeping with someone else. OK... I'm ready to be flamed by everyone, so go ahead.... but I'm being honest here. I also think your ex-boyfriend is younger than me, so he would have even more testosterone roaring through his body and (probably) a higher sex drive. I'm thinking now that you must enjoy shocking people. I'm convinced of it now. It's just getting too obvious. @Gaeta I hope you will ignore, this is NOT your fault, lord! Men (people) with integrity do not cheat! Not like that, he almost sounds like some sort of sex addict, five different women in less than two months? What prompted you to look at his phone bills this month? Or is this something you do on a regular basis? Do you pay his bills? It seems odd that this type of obsessive compulsive sexual behavior would pop up suddenly. Man I am getting a really bad vibe here. Please give yourself some time before speaking with him again. Re the therapy he suggested, I don't know. He got caught and is scrambling. He'll say anything. I am actually feeling a bit sick now, on your behalf. Please stay safe (emotionally). Focus on your daughters, your family. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 11 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I'm thinking now that you must enjoy shocking people. @Gaeta. No... I'm an average guy, I'm telling you what an average guy does and thinks. The boyfriend isn't married to Gaeta, so its not like she is going to destroy him in a divorce. I've been in a few long term relationships... not many, but I would leave if I was turned down for sex repeatedly. I have left quite a few short term relationships (2 years or less) when sex was denied or used to attempt manipulate me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 No l never looked at his papers before. He's been absent several saturday nights in a row and today l looked at his bill. I expected to find nothing and feel guilty for snooping. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) I agree with poppy. Nothing excuses his cheating, but I do want to say that lack of intimacy/affection can be very problematic for people in relationships. That does not mean that all people see the solution to this as deceit/ betrayal. I see that this has been a long-term issue for you all because it had been discussed in a thread you made awhile back called ‘fell into a trap’ . I also recall( I’m cookiesandough) responding to a thread you made about accidentally looking at his phone. I thought it was a bit strange that it was made into a big deal. My impression was you didn’t quite trust him even at that time and this was a number of years ago. That could be attributed not only to him, but having been betrayed before. But I wonder. Anyway, I can see someone (not necessarily you) letting this go and justifying their partner’s decision to cheat because they weren’t intimate enough. However, I think this would be a very bad decision to try to trust him again. Put in perspective, this is a 5 year relationship, with intimacy issues occurring not too ago, and he cheated with FIVE women in a month. Dude has issues. Again, I’m so sorry Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
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