Allupinnit Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 Love is you before me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 He insisted on renovating my condo himself, he spent hours teaching my teen algeabra, he drives 24 hours every xmas to go pick up my parents and does it with a smile, last week he put $1000 in my teen saving account to go toward her first car next spring, my adult daughter bought her 1st house and volunteered to do all her renovation for free, he is shopping for a cottage and decided to buy it close to my daughter so l could see her more often...and the list goes on and on. I hate people say he did not love me and l was getting little in this relationship! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Love is more than sex. Love is act of service, it's being helpful, supportive, understanding. If he didn't love me he wouldn't have done so much for me. 😮. Love is also loyalty and dedication of which he has none. It certainly isn't spending nights with different women. 🤔. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 13 minutes ago, peach302 said: I understand all that but he clearly didn't/doesn't love you back. A person can love their partner and also cheat. Having that personality flaw doesn't mean a person is incapable of love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 1 minute ago, basil67 said: A person can love their partner and also cheat. Having that personality flaw doesn't mean a person is incapable of love. Maybe. I can't fathom the idea that a man can be in love with a woman but also cheat on her. Nah. Its strange. Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He insisted on renovating my condo himself, he spent hours teaching my teen algeabra, he drives 24 hours every xmas to go pick up my parents and does it with a smile, last week he put $1000 in my teen saving account to go toward her first car next spring, my adult daughter bought her 1st house and volunteered to do all her renovation for free, he is shopping for a cottage and decided to buy it close to my daughter so l could see her more often...and the list goes on and on. I hate people say he did not love me and l was getting little in this relationship! I've had male friends do huge favours for me in the past, does not mean they're in love with me. Anyway its only a perspective but i just don't see how someone can truly be in love with you and also at the same time go and do what he did with nonetheless FIVE different women. Lets say you give him another chance.. he will do the same again. The only difference this time would be you're allowing it to happen. Edited November 24, 2020 by peach302 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 24 minutes ago, peach302 said: FIVE different women. It's 3. Hurts enough at 3. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 You’ve always given such sound, no-nonsense advice to people here. I hope that you will be able to see clearly enough to follow the same advice you’d give to someone else in this situation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 On 11/21/2020 at 4:26 PM, Gaeta said: Today I found out he is on a dating site and slept with 5 different women since October. Gaeta, not that it matters, or maybe it does, but you wrote 5 in your original post. Anyway, I know in the end you will do the best thing for you. Be happy, please. xo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You’ve always given such sound, no-nonsense advice to people here. I hope that you will be able to see clearly enough to follow the same advice you’d give to someone else in this situation. Gaeta, just one more thing before signing off for the night. I've read posts from you wherein you asked a female poster what she would advise her daughter (if she had one) in that same situation. So that same question back to you. What would you advise your daughter(s) in the same situation? Edited November 24, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 16 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Gaeta, not that it matters, or maybe it does, but you wrote 5 in your original post. Anyway, I know in the end you will do the best thing for you. Be happy, please. xo You're right I wrote that, I was probably under the shock and had all those phone numbers, 6 totals. I called 4 and 3 confirmed my suspicions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Gaeta, just one more thing before signing off for the night. I've read posts from you wherein you asked a female poster what she would advise her daughter (if she had one) in that same situation. So that same question back to you. What would you advise your daughter(s) in the same situation? All those posts I did on here came back to me. I remember the story of a woman finding her boyfriend online and I killed his character. I love to bits my daughter's bf and it would pain me to see her lose him. I would probably advise her the way she advised me: I will support you no matter what you decide. Edited November 24, 2020 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 19 minutes ago, poppyfields said: So that same question back to you. What would you advise your daughter(s) in the same situation? I usually ask this question to women in abusive relationships where they are put down, called names, physically hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
SushiX Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 This reminds me of the phrase bad boys finish first, nice guys finish last. Unfortunately, he is not a nice guy and you need to dump him pronto! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: He insisted on renovating my condo himself, he spent hours teaching my teen algeabra, he drives 24 hours every xmas to go pick up my parents and does it with a smile, last week he put $1000 in my teen saving account to go toward her first car next spring, my adult daughter bought her 1st house and volunteered to do all her renovation for free, he is shopping for a cottage and decided to buy it close to my daughter so l could see her more often...and the list goes on and on. I hate people say he did not love me and l was getting little in this relationship! Sound like he provides some companionship, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Sound like he provides some companionship, as well. Some? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Some? OK... A lot... You've grown accustomed to him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 Just now, Happy Lemming said: OK... A lot... You've grown accustomed to him... Please, I don't need people to belittle my feelings or what was my relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Please, I don't need people to belittle my feelings or what was my relationship. That wasn't my intention... I said some, I assume you meant more than some. The Dean Martin song was always one of my favorites, that meant two people got used to one another over time. Perhaps I assumed wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) Gaeta, only you know (or will find out) what you can put up with. The shock and hurt that you felt when you found out is the same reaction that many posters here are having just hearing about it, presented as disgust. No one wants to hurt you more, just remind you what a serious hit this was to your heart so that you won't brush it under the rug. And unfortunately, it's more likely than not that he's been doing this longer than you know. A man that is truly remorseful and capable of being faithful going forward would not be blaming you for neglecting him to excuse his behavior, would not be giving you the silent treatment. Again, only you know what's right for you, but if you take him back don't expect anything to change. He will still love you, as he always has. But now you know his love comes with the ability to hook up with other women. Taking him back will only embolden him to continue on that path. I know that from experience. He's only human, you love him, there are good things about him. But does that outweigh what you now know? Sometimes love just isn't enough. You have to decide for yourself. Edited November 24, 2020 by FMW 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jen_tully Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 Gaeta you should take a break from the forum. You have a lot to process and none of it will be dealt with immediately. Your feelings and thoughts are going to a mixed bag right now. Ultimately this is your life and your choice on how you want to live it. Get some rest...you need to take a break from trying to figure it all out💕 I also hope you are staying safe in Montreal. I’m in Vancouver B.C. and I know the numbers in the East have been very high:( 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Garage2020 said: Gaeta you should take a break from the forum. You have a lot to process and none of it will be dealt with immediately. Your feelings and thoughts are going to a mixed bag right now. Ultimately this is your life and your choice on how you want to live it. Get some rest...you need to take a break from trying to figure it all out💕 I also hope you are staying safe in Montreal. I’m in Vancouver B.C. and I know the numbers in the East have been very high:( Best advice to you in your thread, Gaeta. Take a break from the forum and try to decompress all of your emotions while offline, with someone you trust. You need a mental break from being bombarded by opinions and advice. It will help you process everything to step away and just let yourself figure it out on your own timeline. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Watercolors said: try to decompress all of your emotions while offline, with someone you trust. The problem many have who use the forum is that they have no other outlets. They may have friends relatives but discussing such personal issues is not something they may not want to do hence the use of the forum. Advice to leave the forum, take your problem elsewhere, is thus not really helpful. Gaeta has been here a long time, it is up to her whether she is finding the forum helpful or not. Edited November 24, 2020 by elaine567 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 I know when I post on here I will get hit hard. Most members are Americans therefore more traditional in their relationships. Here I have confined in my adult daughter, and a long term male friend and they both said they support me no matter my decision. My male friend asked if I loved him, I said Yes, he replied then problem solved. Even one of the women he slept with wrote me back and suggested I stay open to reconciliation maybe it's just a phase. Here is the place to go for tough love 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 11 hours ago, Gaeta said: I guess it's now ok for a woman to meet a man at his place, it screams desperate to me. read that back to yourself. I hope you are okay. These are really stressful difficult times, not the best time for relationships. The relationships which survive will be where people are committed and supportive and kind I think. Don't forget about the pandemic infection risks, it's been totally out of control here. 11 hours ago, Gaeta said: I am in love with him and we have 5 years of history/memories. Love don't stop just like that! I was happy in this relationship. I know. It's a horrible situation to be in. I'm sorry you are going through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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