Scarlet Ohara Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 This is my same circumstance... 5 years and yesterday it came to an end. It was the best ever as far as relationships.. Red flags went up early about his need to reaffirmation by other women. I forgave him for Multiple profiles on POF with headers "I have great hands" "I am the One". I even forgave him for trolling on American Bisexuals showing pictures of his junk and a bendover butt pic. He was a preferred paying member...we broke up. We always got back together with promises of fidelity, trust, blah blah blah. We saw each other on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturday and sometimes Sundays. This past weekend we went out to eat and he stayed at my home, Saturday, we went out to eat and I stayed at his home, Sunday morning we left to go to a Casino... picked up my clothes from his house - he said I will call you. 5 p.m I called him, it went to call forwarding, 12 more calls all to call forwarding. My dead mother tapped me on my shoulder and said go over there in my ear. When I arrived 25 miles away, a car was in driveway, I knocked several times and he let me in. I said who is she, why is she here? He said she's a friend and I'm showing her my remodeled home. Wine glasses on the table, both in their socks, getting comfy. The woman called 911 because I asked her if she knew he was in a 5 yr. relationship w/me. Police arrived and questioned ME. Long story short, a sociopathic sexual addict will only hurt and destroy your self-esteem and soul. They are charming and would lie to God. 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Allupinnit said: Could he just get a prostitute? They're usually clean at least, and professional. I don't believe this is accurate, unless you are in an area where it's regulated such as Nevada in the US or Amsterdam. Even then I'd guess it's hit or miss. My understanding is many prostitutes are drug addicts or have other significant lifestyle "risk" issues in addition to the prostitution itself. I'm sure some are ok, but it's not something I'd want to put money on for any specific prostitute, however they might appear surface-wise, myself. I doubt there's any data on how typical legit PoF females stack up against prostitutes risk-wise, but I'd seriously doubt the prostitutes win. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlet Ohara Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 2 hours ago, gamon said: You're probably right, but there are some exceptions. For example my girlfriend of 9 years cheated on her husband when their marriage went bad and they were separated. She regrets those wild and crazy days and although you never know what a person may do, I have no reason to expect she'd ever cheat on me, especially given how good our relationship is. Honestly and fidelity are core values. Once a person breaks a trust it is a red flag that they probably have a lack of character and morals. 2 hours ago, gamon said: You're probably right, but there are some exceptions. For example my girlfriend of 9 years cheated on her husband when their marriage went bad and they were separated. She regrets those wild and crazy days and although you never know what a person may do, I have no reason to expect she'd ever cheat on me, especially given how good our relationship is. Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, Scarlet Ohara said: Honestly and fidelity are core values. Once a person breaks a trust it is a red flag that they probably have a lack of character and morals. Character is over rated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He maybe thought the same... I'm sure he did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I don't believe this is accurate, unless you are in an area where it's regulated such as Nevada in the US or Amsterdam. Even then I'd guess it's hit or miss. My understanding is many prostitutes are drug addicts or have other significant lifestyle "risk" issues in addition to the prostitution itself. I'm sure some are ok, but it's not something I'd want to put money on for any specific prostitute, however they might appear surface-wise, myself. I doubt there's any data on how typical legit PoF females stack up against prostitutes risk-wise, but I'd seriously doubt the prostitutes win. Or ya know he could just keep it in his pants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 1 minute ago, mark clemson said: I don't believe this is accurate, unless you are in an area where it's regulated such as Nevada in the US or Amsterdam. Even then I'd guess it's hit or miss. My understanding is many prostitutes are drug addicts or have other significant lifestyle "risk" issues in addition to the prostitution itself. I'm sure some are ok, but it's not something I'd want to put money on for any specific prostitute, however they might appear surface-wise, myself. I doubt there's any data on how typical legit PoF females stack up against prostitutes risk-wise, but I'd seriously doubt the prostitutes win. But are there legit POF females who would be willing to have a ONS with Gaeta's bf? He's mid-50s and, even if quite good looking, it seems that most of the women on a dating site will want some sort of actual dating to occur. Maybe I am vastly underestimating the number of women who would willingly participate in a "once and done" scenario, but it strikes me that he won't have such an easy time obtaining sex without some of the trappings of dating, which is not ok with Gaeta (if I've understood her correctly). Gaeta, please think very carefully about how a discreet acceptance of your bf's behavior would play out. I am also, regrettably, in the camp that thinks this may not be a new behaviour for him. In addition to the call from his ex-wife, it seems unlikely that a guy who'd never done this before would have the wherewithal to engage 5 women in as many weeks. I think you should learn more about the details and his motivation(s) before deciding on a path that allows him back into your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, introverted1 said: But are there legit POF females who would be willing to have a ONS with Gaeta's bf? He's mid-50s and, even if quite good looking, it seems that most of the women on a dating site will want some sort of actual dating to occur On 11/22/2020 at 1:21 AM, Gaeta said: They saw each other 3-4 times and after sex he became distant Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 Actually I think he's younger than Gaeta. But yeah I don't know of any men who can get laid like that guy, that's insane. He must be super hot and charming. I feel badly for the women who were duped. Dating is hard enough. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: 3-4 times. Three or four dates probably before he sealed the deal. That’s 3-4 dates of sweet talk, future faking, courting, spending some $ too. Although probably much less much than what would be spent on an equally attractive escort. Can’t believe I’m having this conversation Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Or ya know he could just keep it in his pants. A fair point. 🙂 24 minutes ago, introverted1 said: But are there legit POF females who would be willing to have a ONS with Gaeta's bf? Apparently so, as long as he's willing to lie about having a GF. Actually I think one of the reasons Gaeta is even considering whether she can get past this is likely to be because he's pretty good so far as men his age go, which I could see making the choice whether to reconcile somewhat more difficult. Edited November 23, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 38 minutes ago, Scarlet Ohara said: This is my same circumstance... 5 years and yesterday it came to an end. It was the best ever as far as relationships.. Red flags went up early about his need to reaffirmation by other women. I forgave him for Multiple profiles on POF with headers "I have great hands" "I am the One". I even forgave him for trolling on American Bisexuals showing pictures of his junk and a bendover butt pic. He was a preferred paying member...we broke up. We always got back together with promises of fidelity, trust, blah blah blah. We saw each other on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturday and sometimes Sundays. This past weekend we went out to eat and he stayed at my home, Saturday, we went out to eat and I stayed at his home, Sunday morning we left to go to a Casino... picked up my clothes from his house - he said I will call you. 5 p.m I called him, it went to call forwarding, 12 more calls all to call forwarding. My dead mother tapped me on my shoulder and said go over there in my ear. When I arrived 25 miles away, a car was in driveway, I knocked several times and he let me in. I said who is she, why is she here? He said she's a friend and I'm showing her my remodeled home. Wine glasses on the table, both in their socks, getting comfy. The woman called 911 because I asked her if she knew he was in a 5 yr. relationship w/me. Police arrived and questioned ME. Long story short, a sociopathic sexual addict will only hurt and destroy your self-esteem and soul. They are charming and would lie to God. I am so sorry this happened to you. My heart goes to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 These women saw him a few times so nobody knows on what "date" they had sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 30 minutes ago, introverted1 said: But are there legit POF females who would be willing to have a ONS with Gaeta's bf? We're in Montreal, North America Sex Capital. Women are online with pictures looking for sex. No taboo. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 True but said they he fell off after sex with seems consistent with attached men who just want sex. It’s prob arguably worse got Gaeta if they had sex on the first or second date and he came back for more, Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) Nah,,, even pretty gross men have options if they’re willing to stoop low enough. I’ve witnessed it. According to Gaeta, her man stooped pretty low. Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 25 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: 3-4 times. Three or four dates probably before he sealed the deal. That’s 3-4 dates of sweet talk, future faking, courting, spending some $ too. Although probably much less much than what would be spent on an equally attractive escort. Can’t believe I’m having this conversation The ladies told me they had sex 2 or 3 times. They probably went to bed on 1st date or 2nd date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Thanks for clarifying. So you think he did NOT future fake, lead them on, court them, spend $ or any of that , it was just wham , bam, thank you maam? Find it doubtful Everything is closed here, restaurants, bars, nowhere to go. They all told me he invited them to his place. I guess it's now ok for a woman to meet a man at his place, it screams desperate to me. One of them told me he knew she only wanted casual meetings, the 2 others he charmed them by listening to their sad life story...again screams desperate. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: again screams desperate. Yes, I got the impression there are lots of desperate women online. My ex said the woman he was dating before me told him she loved him within 2 weeks and started buying him all this stuff. He said she was nice enough but he didn't feel anywhere near that, so he had to awkwardly disentangle himself, and she kept trying to see him again for weeks. I can't even imagine doing a fraction of that. The men I date seem so relieved and turned on to finally meet a woman who doesn't chase and smother them. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: a woman who doesn't chase and smother them. Saturday he told me I had no idea how much work he had put into winning me over. At the time that's probably why we ended up in a relationship it probably raised my value in his eyes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 Just now, Gaeta said: it probably raised my value in his eyes. Yes. My ex said something similar. He said I had no idea how much he had adjusted his habits and behavior to accommodate my desires and preferences. He said in the past, it was always the woman adjusting and conforming to him and he didn't change much of anything. This is the guy who after I broke up with him for the last time 5 months ago was still trying to get me back a month ago, offering to fly back to my city (he's at his place out of state now), and I have a feeling he's going to make a more assertive attempt soon. I could be wrong, but I'm right 99% of the time when I get these intuitive feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: The world is not perfect, humans are not perfect. I know couples that have survived cheating and lived happy after, I know couples that accept to turn the eye and are happy, I know couples with all sorts of arrangements and no, it did not all start from a healthy and open way, often it took a crisis. Why can't you find another guy? Look for something better. Don't really get it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 Just now, peach302 said: Why can't you find another guy? Look for something better. Don't really get it I am in love with him and we have 5 years of history/memories. Love don't stop just like that! I was happy in this relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I am in love with him and we have 5 years of history/memories. Love don't stop just like that! I was happy in this relationship. I understand all that but he clearly didn't/doesn't love you back. A relationship needs to be mutual. You're not here to serve him. Life's too short. Edited November 24, 2020 by peach302 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 24, 2020 Author Share Posted November 24, 2020 8 minutes ago, peach302 said: I understand all that but he clearly didn't/doesn't love you back. A relationship needs to be mutual. You're not here to serve him. Life's too short. Love is more than sex. Love is act of service, it's being helpful, supportive, understanding. If he didn't love me he wouldn't have done so much for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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