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My ex girlfriend cheated on her boyfriend with me multiple times but can't decide who to be with.

NBA Heartbreak

By NBA Heartbreak,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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NBA Heartbreak

NBA Heartbreak

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Me and my ex broke up back in 2018, some weeks after she get to know this guy while she's on a vaction in turkey. They end up getting together and make plans to get married and have children. According to her, she never stopped thinking about me even though she is with this new guy. I tried a couple of times to get back with her but I ended up getting rejected. Recently I've been going to the gym and got myself a better look, all of a sudden we hook up and have sex multiple times. The first time we did it, she started to cry in the batroom, but as the days went by and we did it again and again, the tears was gone. all this happening within 3 weeks, we havn't been seeing each other for that long actually. She wanted to know whats right for her so she took a trip down to turkey yesterday to see how it feels seeing him. As far as I know, she told him that me and her have been texting, but that is not the whole truth and it seems like she doesn't want to tell him that she's been cheating. She told me if we we're to get back togheter, she would rather not tell him anything about that.
Now im sitting here, all blue wondering what she is doing while she's down there with him, I can't stop thinking about what they might do and I dont know when she's coming home. It's a messed up situation but I feel lost. I keep thinking about that she said that she loves me and 1000% wants to be with me but at the same time, she's not ready to let go of her boyfriend.

What am I supposed to do here, this sh*t is killing me.

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NBA Heartbreak

NBA Heartbreak

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We broke up because I lost attraction, and I was kinda off and generally not a good boyfriend back then. Today im a new guy, I've matured alot and she know this. This is also a reason why she wanted to explore and know more about this new me.

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NBA Heartbreak

NBA Heartbreak

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She has been with her boyfriend since 2018, when we broke up it only took two weeks and she traveled to turkey where they saw each other.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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Maybe she likes to visit warmer climates? It's doubtful Mr. Turkey will last in the long run.

Next time you talk, suggest a vacation together in a nice climate, see how she reacts. This guy may simply be an adventure in exotic men for her.

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NBA Heartbreak

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She's not that type of girl who has open relationships, she's trying to figure out who is best for her future according to her. I told her not to go but she said she has to do it, for herself. But that could be a lie. I dont guys, I feel like I could do better but im so emotionally stuck right now. Like a beta b*tch

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schlumpy

schlumpy

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If you just spend some time reading the forum posts you will realize how many people have said their SO is not that type of person only to find out the hard way that they are. 

When your partner sleeps with someone else and you do nothing to thwart it, it's an open relationship. She has you talked into giving her your tacit approval in the guise of settling her feelings when she may just be comparing the sex.

You should go NC and turn your energies to someone else. Quit believing what she tells you and only react to her actions.

When a person falls in love all the competition drops off the radar screen. You are the only blip there. Her radar seems to have at least one more blip that you know of.

She is not in love with you.

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NBA Heartbreak

NBA Heartbreak

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Okay thats some solid advice, but when she comes home... how do I handle the dissucsion we will probably have?
Like what do I tell her?

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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1 hour ago, NBA Heartbreak said:

She's not that type of girl who has open relationships, she's trying to figure out who is best for her future according to her. I told her not to go but she said she has to do it, for herself. But that could be a lie. I dont guys, I feel like I could do better but im so emotionally stuck right now. Like a beta b*tch

Dude, come on. 

She might not be the type of girl who wants an open relationship, but she is absolutely the type who lies and cheats. 

This woman is bad news. She is going to leave you both in her dust, eventually. If she were seriously into either you or her boyfriend, it would be a no-brainer. She could easily make a choice if she felt strongly enough for you or for him. You're going to get burned. 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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NBA Heartbreak

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Yes I might get burned, the chance of me getting burned is greater than her boyfriend getting burned. but how do I mentally prepare for this. Like what do I do?!

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Lotsgoingon

Lotsgoingon

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Dude, this is a mess. You're in a mess, and this will not work out. She can come back to you and it will not work out. She can stay with him, and it won't work out.

This is what happens when you get involved with highly ambivalent people. And then, you sound ambivalent. You lost attraction and now want her back? That makes no sense, dude, but good luck.

If you don't stop this thing now, you are going to many days just like today--miserable. That's what you have to look forward to--and she as well, since you're also ambivalent. Next time insist that the person break up with her partner before she "cheats" with you. Now, you've shown her that you will put up with anything. 

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schlumpy

schlumpy

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You will do what everyone does and that's negotiate relationship rules if there is to be a relationship.

Exclusivity might be one rule that interests you.

 

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NBA Heartbreak

NBA Heartbreak

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I think I need to listen to the majority of ya'll and let it go, it break my heart but I guess i don't got no choice. Plus I got this feeling that they're working things out right now, how I know?
She would be on her way home right now if that wasn't the case.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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3 hours ago, NBA Heartbreak said:

Yes I might get burned, the chance of me getting burned is greater than her boyfriend getting burned. but how do I mentally prepare for this. Like what do I do?!

Stop seeing her and work on letting her go. 

Even if she ditches her boyfriend, you two don't have a solid enough foundation anymore to make it work. You'd never trust her, now that you know what sort of bad behaviour she is capable of. 

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MsJayne

MsJayne

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She sounds very selfish and inconsiderate of other peoples feelings.  All you're doing is feeding her ego while you cling on to hope, she needs a reality check and you need to find someone who respects you.  She should be careful with Mr Turkey, if he's typical of his countrymen she will find out the nasty way what the outcome of infidelity is.  

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healing light

healing light

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You are the other man. She is a cheater who doesn't know what she wants. I'm willing to bet you're young, so you have a whole life ahead of you to find a quality woman you can trust.

Let this one go unless you would like potentially years of heartbreak and drama.

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kendahke

kendahke

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13 hours ago, NBA Heartbreak said:

She's not that type of girl who has open relationships,

Clearly she is if she's got you two sniffing in behind her. A girl who isn't doesn't do this.

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 told her not to go but she said she has to do it, for herself. But that could be a lie.

She went because she wants to see how much better he can provide for her than you can... that's the "doing this for herself" part.  Of course she was going to go. I dont' think it was a lie--I think you're desperate for your interpretation to hold sway with her and most likely doesn't.

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I feel like I could do better but im so emotionally stuck right now. Like a beta b*tch

I won't argue with that self-assessment.

You'll continue to be stuck as long as you insist upon your version of life to apply to her when she's showing you and telling you she ain't about that kind of life with you.

You did give her a very good reason to not ever take you seriously anymore: and those are the consequences of your previous actions of thinking you could treat her any way you wanted. In your mind,  3 months of introspection was supposed to convince her that you've really changed and would jump at the chance to take you back. No. Life doesn't work that way.

Edited by kendahke
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