I am the part of the problem that I always get into a toxic relationship?

[Candacesims]

55 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

There's a lot to unpack here.  If you can't keep friendships, then yes, you are part of the problem.  Remember, you are the common denominator in all your relationships.  

Wanting a truthful, respectful supportive partner is fine.  I'm not sure what you mean by "compression".  Is that an auto correct thing & you mean compassionate?  

You may need to drill down on these goals.  They can't mean that you date somebody who only ever says yes to you & has no opinions of his own.  

 

This sounds like you may have a chip on your shoulder.  Not everyone who disagrees with you is talking down to you.  If a therapist gave you suggestions & you disagreed with them, that is not that person talking down to you.  It's them giving you the benefit of their professional skill.  If the therapist was really bad, try a different one.  I had to go through a few before I found ones I clicked with.  

As for your 9 EXs, they weren't all "failures:.  Sure they didn't lead to happily every after but they taught you about yourself, how to be in a relationship, what no to do.  In short they gave you experience.  Try thinkin about them in a more positive light rather than as abject failures.   In my life I can trace at lease one thing I learned to every guy I dated even if they lessons should have been obvious -- don't date jerks, avoid addicts etc.  Still none of those things were failures.  They were all part of experiences I had that made me who I am.  

 

At 22 you are a tad too old to be dating guys with the word teen in their ages.  They aren't mature.  You are at different life stages with you being a college grad & the 18 year old boy stull being in school. 

 

This comes across as being a bit angry.  I suspect it's borne of frustration but it may be a good reason to step back, take a break from dating for a few months & come back fresh with an open mind.  

Obviously there is no reason to date rude men.   But can you please give an example of the behavior you are encountering?  There's objectively rude & then there is your personal preference.  

 

I don't know the origins of your trust issues but they can cause behavior that is a turn off for the other person.  None wants to constantly be  accused of cheating, when they aren't.  

It does take two to create drama.   When your partner starts doing something to upset you in the moment, try to deescalate.  That doesn't mean take crap but you can have boundaries without throwing gas on a fire.  

Again the idea that you can't keep a woman friend either & characterize all your friends as "fake" indicates that you have some work to do on yourself before you will be able to have a successful relationship. 

To tie into your other posts, hang in there.  Covid has put a dampener dating.  That is universal.  If you are going to use  a dating site, remember, you get what you pay for so free may not be all that it's cracked up to be.  

first off said ex-girlfriend always talking about  his stupid ex-girlfriend .not his ex-boyfriend . why bother taking break since I being doing this f***ing year and second all women see me as threats while I was in college all went down from there . women also do cause drama . I will be harsh honest no matter how upset a person will get . 

[d0nnivain]

11 hours ago, Candacesims said:

 I will be harsh honest no matter how upset a person will get . 

Perhaps learn better diplomacy.  It will lead to less drama & more happiness.  

[Candacesims]

23 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

There's a lot to unpack here.  If you can't keep friendships, then yes, you are part of the problem.  Remember, you are the common denominator in all your relationships.  

Wanting a truthful, respectful supportive partner is fine.  I'm not sure what you mean by "compression".  Is that an auto correct thing & you mean compassionate?  

You may need to drill down on these goals.  They can't mean that you date somebody who only ever says yes to you & has no opinions of his own.  

 

This sounds like you may have a chip on your shoulder.  Not everyone who disagrees with you is talking down to you.  If a therapist gave you suggestions & you disagreed with them, that is not that person talking down to you.  It's them giving you the benefit of their professional skill.  If the therapist was really bad, try a different one.  I had to go through a few before I found ones I clicked with.  

As for your 9 EXs, they weren't all "failures:.  Sure they didn't lead to happily every after but they taught you about yourself, how to be in a relationship, what no to do.  In short they gave you experience.  Try thinkin about them in a more positive light rather than as abject failures.   In my life I can trace at lease one thing I learned to every guy I dated even if they lessons should have been obvious -- don't date jerks, avoid addicts etc.  Still none of those things were failures.  They were all part of experiences I had that made me who I am.  

 

At 22 you are a tad too old to be dating guys with the word teen in their ages.  They aren't mature.  You are at different life stages with you being a college grad & the 18 year old boy stull being in school. 

 

This comes across as being a bit angry.  I suspect it's borne of frustration but it may be a good reason to step back, take a break from dating for a few months & come back fresh with an open mind.  

Obviously there is no reason to date rude men.   But can you please give an example of the behavior you are encountering?  There's objectively rude & then there is your personal preference.  

 

I don't know the origins of your trust issues but they can cause behavior that is a turn off for the other person.  None wants to constantly be  accused of cheating, when they aren't.  

It does take two to create drama.   When your partner starts doing something to upset you in the moment, try to deescalate.  That doesn't mean take crap but you can have boundaries without throwing gas on a fire.  

Again the idea that you can't keep a woman friend either & characterize all your friends as "fake" indicates that you have some work to do on yourself before you will be able to have a successful relationship. 

To tie into your other posts, hang in there.  Covid has put a dampener dating.  That is universal.  If you are going to use  a dating site, remember, you get what you pay for so free may not be all that it's cracked up to be.  

why put the same quote twice .someone already said this to me . why putting back in my face .

[Candacesims]

11 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Perhaps learn better diplomacy.  It will lead to less drama & more happiness.  

I always got drama . why bother 

[d0nnivain]

I'm not trying to put anything "in your face."  You say you always get drama so why bother changing.  That's just it.  The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over & over but expecting a different results.  I'm suggesting you try something you haven't tried before:  diplomacy.  If you prefer to continue with your harshness, that is your choice.  But it hasn't worked so far so why not consider change? 

[Candacesims]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm not trying to put anything "in your face."  You say you always get drama so why bother changing.  That's just it.  The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over & over but expecting a different results.  I'm suggesting you try something you haven't tried before:  diplomacy.  If you prefer to continue with your harshness, that is your choice.  But it hasn't worked so far so why not consider change? 

all I got with drama were all my stupid friends