Author Scarlet Ohara Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 Good point... I know he sold her some furniture and just met her 3 weeks earlier... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlet Ohara Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: The better question to ask may be, is he still your boyfriend? And if so, why? Is it possible that she is his wife? Does she live there? We've been together for 7 year.. no, he's not my boyfriend any longer... she was someone he met on Craig' list that he sold furniture to ... probably gave it to her in exchange for sexual favors. All I know is that a real boyfriend doesn't give a strange his address to call 911 on a gf he's been with for 7 years. It's a little cold isn't it ? He said he was in the "middle"... middle of what? Strange v. 7 year GF? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 36 minutes ago, Scarlet Ohara said: he facilitated the 911 call by giving her his address. Within five minutes 5 SUV's one a Sheriff came to the house. They took me outside to talk. They escorted me to the highway as if I was a criminal. Sorry this happened. I think you know it's time to stop the madness and end it, no? This is the same man?: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlet Ohara Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. I think you know it's time to stop the madness and end it, no? This is the same man?: Yes... it's time to stop the madness. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Scarlet Ohara said: it's time to stop the madness. Exactamundo. Who cares why he did whatever, just realize this is toxic and walk away. Easier said than done perhaps, but no doubt it's what you NEED to do. And don't let him drag you back in either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlet Ohara Posted June 24, 2021 Author Share Posted June 24, 2021 A big thank you to everyone for reaffirming that I need to respect myself and love myself. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 (edited) You are used to abuse and that is why you are accepting it. Someone who had not had your experiences would immediately reject and refuse his behaviour. Being abused leaves one feeling less than others. It feels damaging. It does not have to be your future though. Be a good friend to yourself and tell yourself the things that you want to hear from others, the positive, loving things. Eventually, the change in thinking will have an impact and your will start to feel better about yourself. While you are feeling very down now, this does not mean that you should continue to allow this guy to treat you badly. As he does not seem the kind who will change, you need to abandon him and make a better life for yourself. I know that's easier said than done but look at it as setting yourself up for a new life, a good life, where people treat you with respect and kindness. I know it is easy to think that if you feel bad, there must be something bad or wrong with you. There is nothing bad or wrong with you, you just need to realise that that feeling is telling you you need to change your circumstances and not allow anyone to mistreat you again. It is a warning signal to you that you are in an abusive situation. Abusers always try to blame their victims for abuse, by suggesting that they provoked it or if they had behaved differently it would not have happened. Don't fall for all that rubbish; it is designed to draw you back into the situation again. Realise that this abusive guy has nothing to offer you but pain. Whatever he says, whatever he promises, however he tries to persuade you that you should be with him, it's not your fault he is abusive, it is his fault and his problem and you need to get away from him in order to change your future. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve better. Your background does not mean you deserve any less kindness and respect than anyone else. Edited June 24, 2021 by spiderowl 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlet Ohara Posted July 28, 2021 Author Share Posted July 28, 2021 Is it possible to be in a loop of acceptance and compliance in a relationship with the constant cycle of verbal abuse, denigration and withholding love wherein you finally accept it as the norm? Even though you are a liberated, strong woman and know that you are not fat, stupid, ugly and a mental case...is it psychologically possible to actually believe that you are? When you accept the FU's, the dumb B's and the gaslighting is it because this is your norm and you gradually become desensitized to the abuse? Asking for a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 21 hours ago, Scarlet Ohara said: Is it possible to be in a loop of acceptance and compliance in a relationship with the constant cycle of verbal abuse, denigration and withholding love wherein you finally accept it as the norm? Even though you are a liberated, strong woman and know that you are not fat, stupid, ugly and a mental case...is it psychologically possible to actually believe that you are? When you accept the FU's, the dumb B's and the gaslighting is it because this is your norm and you gradually become desensitized to the abuse? Asking for a friend. Interesting question! I guess if you are used to it and haven't questioned it for a long time, it becomes your 'normal' environment. Yes, I do think that people start to believe what their abusers are telling them and that is the problem. Because someone denigrates you, it doesn't mean that you deserve to be denigrated or that what the abuser is saying is true. It can be very far from the truth. I guess the person being abused becomes partly densensitized to it, in the sense that they are putting up with it, even though it might be horrendous. A person who feels they are worthless and who has been told this by their partner, the person who is supposed to love them the most, is vulnerable to becoming trapped in such a relationship. Somehow who immediately felt it was untrue and challenged the beliefs would probably opt out as soon as possible or never get into such a relationship. I think this is why it is so important for the person who is being abused to find a way out of the relationship, rather than try to change it from within. They cannot see the wood for the trees and need time out to be able to find their real selves again. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 On 7/27/2021 at 8:43 PM, Scarlet Ohara said: Asking for a friend. Your friend needs to end the situation. Also, your friend could use help from a physician and therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 1, 2021 Share Posted August 1, 2021 and his phone number is blocked, then deleted, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
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