Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 My bf and I have been dating a little over a year. This insecurity of mine is due to one particular ex coming up several times in our convos. Always comes up about how guys swooned over his ex because she was hot. My bf says I'm the best he has ever dated (educated, gorgeous etc). I'm starting to doubt that though because of what he has said about his ex. It wouldn't bug me as much if followed w/oh well I have the best girl now, may seem petty, but would make me feel secure. I have talked about my ex as well, but never about how hot he was. I've told him twice not to bring up how hot his ex was because that makes me feel like he is settling for me. Is this something I should be concerned about? He is the most caring guy I've ever had, but I don't want him lying to me? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Like most guys, they wish the hot one had worked out because they place a lot of emphasis on body and looks. But she didn't work out. I mean, don't we all have someone that was so attractive but just didn't work out that would have been great if it did? I mean, it's one thing to bring this stuff up once, but no one should be talking to their spouse like they would to their buddy. Maybe he just enjoyed making you jealous, I don't know. But next time, I wouldn't even respond. I'd go in the other room and do something and look happy and distracted, in other words, give no reaction so he gets nothing from it. I don't think it's anything to worry about. I mean, I think we all have to admit that if the hottest person on earth came along and wanted them, most of our partners would cut and run to follow the dream. But you know, people age, and after a point a dream is all it is. So it's rude, but don't waste time worrying about it unless he stays in touch with her and one of them is actively trying to reunite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 It’s really rude. Honestly (and yes I know it’s a bit childish and immature), I would respond back very matter of factly how hot your own ex was too and how you could relate. That should shut down any more of that kind of talk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 It’s really rude. Honestly (and yes I know it’s a bit childish and immature), I would respond back very matter of factly how hot your own ex was too and how you could relate. That should shut down any more of that kind of talk. That's so tempting for me to do sadly when this comes up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 ignored your requests to stop? he is doing it on purpose, he likes getting a rise out of you (does the amazing ex even really exist?) find somebody kinder 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 If you want this relationship to success & you want to feel more secure you have to express to him that you can't stand hearing about this any more & it's upsetting. Do tell him what you told us, that if he followed any commentary about her, with an assurance that you come out on top an occasional comment about her would be tolerable but other than that he needs to stop talking about her to you. If he's a good BF who is sensitive to your needs he will honor your request. If he spins it back on you & calls you insecure etc. take a long hard look at him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 It’s not exactly the same scenario. But many years ago my bf stupidly texted me a hot looking picture of one of the actresses in a show we had been watching together. My first thought was wtf? Instead of saying anything, I immediately sent a hot looking picture of a sexy male actor I liked with a smiley face. He did NOT like that but never commented on a hot woman (although he never really did this) or sent me a picture of a hot woman again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 (edited) Mirror mirror tell me whose the most beautiful.... Why do you need to be the most beautiful girlfriend your bf ever had? I am sure my bf dated sexier than l and l did date sexier than him. It doesn't change the fact l love him to no end and l would not change him for any hottie. There is so much more to a person than being hot. Next time he mentions how hot she is tell him how your ex had a big one.....and let go of that silly need to hear you're the most beautiful he ever had. Edited December 10, 2018 by Gaeta 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 Mirror mirror tell me whose the most beautiful.... Why do you need to be the most beautiful girlfriend your bf ever had? I am sure my bf dated sexier than l and l did date sexier than him. It doesn't change the fact l love him to no end and l would not change him for any hottie. There is so much more to a person than being hot. Next time he mentions how hot she is tell him how your ex had a big one.....and let go of that silly need to hear you're the most beautiful he ever had. TBH, I just don't need to know who was hotter. When he talks about this makes me feel like he has unfinished w/her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 TBH' date=' I just don't need to know who was hotter. When he talks about this makes me feel like he has unfinished w/her.[/quote'] It seems like that is the crux of it right there. Share that feeling with him next time he brings her up. Has he ever actually compared the two of you, or has he limited it to saying his friends always lusted after her but you are the hottest GF he has ever had? In your original post, it sounded like he thinks you are the best (in every way) that he has ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 It seems like that is the crux of it right there. Share that feeling with him next time he brings her up. Has he ever actually compared the two of you, or has he limited it to saying his friends always lusted after her but you are the hottest GF he has ever had? In your original post, it sounded like he thinks you are the best (in every way) that he has ever had. Thing is he never actually brings up how hot I am when he mentions her or she pops into the convo. I've told him a couple times how it makes me feel, hopefully this time he understands.... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I don't think this is about OP needing to hear she's the most beautiful girlfriend he's ever had. I think this is about her boyfriend not having the common sense to stop bringing up his hot ex, especially knowing it's unsettling to his current girlfriend. It's a matter of respect. He sounds young, OP. Is he? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I agree with you but OP solution to this is: It wouldn't bug me as much if followed w/oh well I have the best girl now, may seem petty, but would make me feel secure. Her solution is to be told she is the best he's have. In my opinion it's not the best course of action to solve this. Her best course of action would be to tell him in a firm & serious demeanor that he's words are insensitive and she doesn't want to hear them again. If he doesn't take this seriously she can cut her visit short. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 My bf and I have been dating a little over a year. This insecurity of mine is due to one particular ex coming up several times in our convos. How many times in a year is 'several'? No harm in an ex being mentioned occasionally where relevant, but if it's happening every few weeks and always about how pretty she was, then he's not being very appropriate and needs to reel it in. Link to post Share on other sites
RideTheLightening Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 My bf and I have been dating a little over a year. This insecurity of mine is due to one particular ex coming up several times in our convos. Always comes up about how guys swooned over his ex because she was hot. My bf says I'm the best he has ever dated (educated, gorgeous etc). I'm starting to doubt that though because of what he has said about his ex. It wouldn't bug me as much if followed w/oh well I have the best girl now, may seem petty, but would make me feel secure. I have talked about my ex as well, but never about how hot he was. I've told him twice not to bring up how hot his ex was because that makes me feel like he is settling for me. Is this something I should be concerned about? He is the most caring guy I've ever had, but I don't want him lying to me? I don’t think this is a big deal. It’s more than likely he wants you to feel like you have a guy that hot girls want as well. Few women want a guy that other women don’t like... its nature. I’m wondering though if you have some general insecurities regarding your own looks. Are you heavy set or something? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I don’t think this is a big deal. It’s more than likely he wants you to feel like you have a guy that hot girls want as well. Few women want a guy that other women don’t like... its nature. Well he is an idiot then isn't he? Women DO NOT LIKE that. He is on verge of being dumped here over this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 Well he is an idiot then isn't he? Women DO NOT LIKE that. He is on verge of being dumped here over this... I don't want the guy to have it in his head that women swoon over him. I feel like people like that think they are better then everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 I don’t think this is a big deal. It’s more than likely he wants you to feel like you have a guy that hot girls want as well. Few women want a guy that other women don’t like... its nature. I’m wondering though if you have some general insecurities regarding your own looks. Are you heavy set or something? I am far from heavy set. My insecurities aside, I had an ex who was always ogling other women, even mentioning how gorgeous my friend is. I promised myself never to let any guy get away w/that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I think there's only two reasons he would talk about his ex like that and often. 1) He's not over her 2) He's insecure and is pumping himself up by bragging 3) He's insecure and trying to make you jealous. 1) is a deal breaker and 2) and 3) are just unattractive. One thing is for sure - he's an idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 I think there's only two reasons he would talk about his ex like that and often. 1) He's not over her 2) He's insecure and is pumping himself up by bragging 3) He's insecure and trying to make you jealous. 1) is a deal breaker and 2) and 3) are just unattractive. One thing is for sure - he's an idiot. He has only brought it up a couple times. Still though I told him how I felt after the 1st time she came up in that context. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 He has only brought it up a couple times. Still though I told him how I felt after the 1st time she came up in that context. I get the feeling that it's a bragging thing then. You've told him how you feel, so now I would just pull back if he did it again and reevaluate. Its a bigger issue that you've made it clear it hurts you and he still does it. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 It's the ex's we don't bring up that you should worry about. If he is comfortable talking about her then she is not really his love any more, just an attractive girl that he had the chance to be with and maybe brag or use her to make you jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I guess he thinks that elevates him. "Yeah, but she didn't stay with you and I'm starting to see why." Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I don't usually advocate playing games, but in this case I think i would definitely come back with something about how hot one of your exes was, or how well endowed, how good in bed, how rich and successful, etc. Negative reinforcement might finally put an end to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 18, 2019 Author Share Posted April 18, 2019 So my partners 1st ex hasn't come up in a bit, but the way he has talked about her has made me super curious about what she looks like. Several times he and his friend talked about her, mentioning how pretty she was, how any guy would date her etc. I got kind of upset w/him the last time and asked him if that was necessary to say to me, he said no. From time to time I really want to know what she looks like. I guess I want to know if she is prettier then me. Link to post Share on other sites
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