basil67 Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so whether or not she was prettier than you is entirely subjective. But let's say you could find a picture, what good would comparing yourself to her do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 18, 2019 Author Share Posted April 18, 2019 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so whether or not she was prettier than you is entirely subjective. But let's say you could find a picture, what good would comparing yourself to her do? idk actually. I just wanna know why her looks kept getting brought up. He always compliments me, but when she was brought up, he never said I was prettier. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 ...he never said I was prettier. So what if you are not prettier. Your boyfriend is with you, not his ex. My current girlfriend is rather "plain Jane". I've dated much prettier women, but those relationships ended and I'm much happier with my current girlfriend. Its not always about looks. And tell your boyfriend, don't bring up his ex anymore or you'll be the next ex he talks about. Its inappropriate for him to talk about her, no need to bring it up, in my opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 18, 2019 Author Share Posted April 18, 2019 And tell your boyfriend, don't bring up his ex anymore or you'll be the next ex he talks about. Its inappropriate for him to talk about her, no need to bring it up, in my opinion. See that's the thing, it kept coming up. The 1st guy I dated was very good looking, but I never tell my bf that because that is totally unnecessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 See that's the thing' date=' it kept coming up. The 1st guy I dated was very good looking, but I never tell my bf that because that is totally unnecessary.[/quote'] I agree with you 100%, maybe he is still hung up on her?? Do you think he would go back to her given the chance?? My girlfriend and I don't talk about our ex's. She had one question for me about an ex that passed away, and I had a couple questions about her ex-husband. The concerns were discussed and never brought up again. Its past history. Let sleeping dogs lie... Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 The problem is he or his friends are being insensitive by constantly bringing her up. It's probably a weird way of validating his "manliness". I would not look her up. I have looked up exes and regretted it way too many times....If she's pretty I compare myself negatively to her and feel ugly. If she doesn't look good.....well, I start wondering if my boyfriend has bad taste and whether I am just as ugly as her... Nothing good ever comes out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 I agree that nothing good will come from looking up her picture. I looked up my bf’s ex and immediately regretted it. She’s gorgeous, stunning and looks nothing like me. But he has never brought up her looks. I would not be okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 Curiosity is natural. I'm married almost 11 years. 10 years before he met me, DH almost asked another woman to marry him. She actually broke up with him at the dinner where he was planning to propose, ring in his pocket & everything. She dumped him because she didn't think he was serious enough about her. Oh the irony. Anyway, I have never seen a picture of her. I know nothing other then her 1st name, that story (above), she's petite, that she has dark hair & can't hold her liquor. I'd love to see a photo but according to DH none exist. Oh well. What your guy's 1st EX looks like is not the issue. Even if she is subjectively prettier then you on the outside, they are apart. He chose to date you. Try to focus on that fact. It's the only one that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 I think wanting to know what she looks like is a distraction from the feelings this stirred up. Whether she's prettier or not doesn't matter, what matters is that you didn't feel defended as the prize he's currently fortunate to have and that your feelings weren't considered or made a priority in this situation. We all want to be seen as special to our partner, most valued, because we are the present. Do you feel he values you and the present you share together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 19, 2019 Author Share Posted April 19, 2019 I think wanting to know what she looks like is a distraction from the feelings this stirred up. Whether she's prettier or not doesn't matter, what matters is that you didn't feel defended as the prize he's currently fortunate to have and that your feelings weren't considered or made a priority in this situation. We all want to be seen as special to our partner, most valued, because we are the present. Do you feel he values you and the present you share together? Its weird how this bugs me. I'm just wondering whether he could still be thinking about her despite denying that he does. Esp since when she came up, he never said to his friend that it doesn't matter anymore cause he has me. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Boys will be boys....they like to talk about hot girls, whether it was some one they dated, went to school with, worked with, etc.. just what some guys will do. Sounds to me she was masturbation theater material...guys just can't help themselves sometimes. You don't need to hear about those conversations so tell him that. It's just out of respect for you right? Tell how would he like it if you and your girlies talked about your ex and how big his %$#@ was and how it gave you so many o's. Link to post Share on other sites
ShiningMoon Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Who cares? Honestly, the only person you're going to hurt by checking is yourself. He's with you now. There's no point in being insecure because of his past. The sole fact that he is with you shows you're clearly of a higher calibre in his eyes than his ex is. Dating someone doesn't only revolve around beauty. There are a lot of components and clearly, you have the assets his ex didn't have as he's with you. Let it go and focus on your relationship instead of hurting yourself with your exe's ghost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) So my partners 1st ex hasn't come up in a bit' date=' but the way he has talked about her has made me super curious about what she looks like. Several times he and his friend talked about her, mentioning how pretty she was, how any guy would date her etc. I got kind of upset w/him the last time and asked him if that was necessary to say to me, he said no. From time to time I really want to know what she looks like. I guess I want to know if she is prettier then me.[/quote'] What if she is? What are you prepared to do about her being prettier than you? If it's his friends who are bringing it up and he's going along with it, then I'd say his friends really don't like you and they're letting you know in a non-confrontational way that they aren't impressed with you... doesn't mean they were impressed with her, either, but somehow they know which of your buttons to push and they're mashing the mess out it. Edited April 20, 2019 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 So what if you are not prettier. Your boyfriend is with you, not his ex. My current girlfriend is rather "plain Jane". I've dated much prettier women, but those relationships ended and I'm much happier with my current girlfriend. Its not always about looks. And tell your boyfriend, don't bring up his ex anymore or you'll be the next ex he talks about. Its inappropriate for him to talk about her, no need to bring it up, in my opinion. Interesting you actually admitted that your girlfriend is rather plain Jane I am interested in knowing the rationale here. Did you pursue her because you thought she wouldn’t have better options and would stay with you, or did you think you wouldn’t have better options and had to settle for her? Sorry if my questions sound offensive. But I would think it’s usually the other way round. For example, I think my boyfriend is the sexiest man alive, even though I know there’re objectively better looking guys out there. I can totally understand that women may not care too much about looks (hell my first serious bf was just average looking, but I wouldn’t trade any other look at that time), but I thought guys at least pick a woman they find physically attractive TO THEM. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Several times he and his friend talked about her' date=' mentioning how pretty she was, how any guy would date her etc.[/quote'] That's not cool. A one-off comment in passing is no big deal (objectively, there's always going to be someone prettier, smarter...), more than once is calculated jerkishness (imo). A sensitive or emotionally intelligent guy would have balanced it out with something about you he thinks is great (a personality trait or something more meaningful than looks). Was she the one to break it off? (it's generally the explanation for a slightly insecure guy to talk about the ex's good looks, to make it sound like he's a babe magnet). It's about him / his insecurities more than it is about you and what you look like. And you know, she may well be prettier than you - so what. You have your own worth. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Why did they split up? Did he dump her or did she dump him? Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Did you pursue her because you thought she wouldn’t have better options and would stay with you, or did you think you wouldn’t have better options and had to settle for her? My two cents...most people have a looks threshold. If a person meets that threshold, their personality and other factors can raise attraction, and sometimes even that unknown "it" chemistry factor can increase attractiveness. It's not always about settling, especially for guys (we're not hypergamous), which is more of a rational decision. Attraction is often irrational. OP, your boyfriends comment and frank discussion about her looks is just plain rude. It's almost like he's sending you a subliminal message to play on your insecurities. My guess is now you spend a lot of time getting ready when you see him to make sure you look as attractive as possible? Now you're probably combing social media looking for pics of her. Yet another way social media and dating apps have ruined the innocence of dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) My two cents...most people have a looks threshold. If a person meets that threshold, their personality and other factors can raise attraction, and sometimes even that unknown "it" chemistry factor can increase attractiveness. It's not always about settling, especially for guys (we're not hypergamous), which is more of a rational decision. Attraction is often irrational. OP, your boyfriends comment and frank discussion about her looks is just plain rude. It's almost like he's sending you a subliminal message to play on your insecurities. My guess is now you spend a lot of time getting ready when you see him to make sure you look as attractive as possible? Now you're probably combing social media looking for pics of her. Yet another way social media and dating apps have ruined dating. Thanks for answering on his half. I understand the threshold thing for guys. But I would have thought the threshold would be something like she’s cute enough though nothing like a drop dead gorgeous, or her looks are attractive to me though I know most other men don’t find her all that pretty. But to openly say that his gf is a plain Jane is quite hurtful, if she knew that. I thought guys are more visual I personally am attracted to men who I think are super intelligent (whatever that means). Now if I’m with someone whom even I think is not particularly smart, then you’ll know I settle, big time. Edited April 20, 2019 by JuneL Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 Interesting you actually admitted that your girlfriend is rather plain Jane I am interested in knowing the rationale here. In the past, when I've dated "hotties", there is usually trauma and drama associated with them. I would have to do a lot more date planning and have to spend a lot more money to keep them entertained. Otherwise, they start looking for the next bigger wallet. At the time I met my present girlfriend I was in my late 40's and tired of all of the extra "crap" needed to secure a girlfriend. In my experience, a "plain Jane" woman is lower maintenance, fitted better into my monthly budget and my desire for no drama. As a disclaimer, my views are strictly based on my experiences. I'm sure there are some low maintenance, easy going "hotties"; I just never met them. For the record, I'm not the least bit offended. I hope I answered your question, if not, let me know and I'll add to my response. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 21, 2019 Author Share Posted April 21, 2019 In the past, when I've dated "hotties", there is usually trauma and drama associated with them. I would have to do a lot more date planning and have to spend a lot more money to keep them entertained. Otherwise, they start looking for the next bigger wallet. At the time I met my present girlfriend I was in my late 40's and tired of all of the extra "crap" needed to secure a girlfriend. In my experience, a "plain Jane" woman is lower maintenance, fitted better into my monthly budget and my desire for no drama. As a disclaimer, my views are strictly based on my experiences. I'm sure there are some low maintenance, easy going "hotties"; I just never met them. For the record, I'm not the least bit offended. I hope I answered your question, if not, let me know and I'll add to my response. I also had weird experience w/hotties. Most of the time, hot guys thought very highly of themselves and ended up trying to take advantage of me. My 1st bf was hot and his eyes always wandered (telling me how hot other women were). Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 21, 2019 Author Share Posted April 21, 2019 Why did they split up? Did he dump her or did she dump him? Mutual break up, different stages in their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted November 12, 2020 Author Share Posted November 12, 2020 I am a jealous person, I'll admit that. My partner has treated me wonderful. Something I struggle with is a conversation he had with his friend in front of me. His friend was going on about his favorite hot celebrity and then mentioned how she was like an ex of his. That she was hot and how all the guys swooned over her. My partner agreed. The biggest thing that upset me was the fact that my partner didn't tell his friend that he thought I was hotter. He mentioned that ex again, saying yeah what guy wouldn't date her. He only stopped his friend from mentioning her again after I got upset with him. I am self conscious. One time he also said he learned that beauty wasn't the most important thing, making me feel that he settled for my personality. He calls me beautiful all the time, but I struggle to believe him. He also says I'm the best he has ever dated in all respects. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 12, 2020 Share Posted November 12, 2020 (edited) How long have you been dating? How old is he? How long ago did he breakup? Are you sure she's an ex or are they on/off? What makes you think dating is a beauty contest? You'll drive yourself crazy with these "mirror, mirror on the wall" games Your vanity will be your undoing. Edited November 12, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 I would be pissed off as well, that was rude. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) Tbh I don’t blame you. I’d feel the same way if a bf ever said that. That’s why most boyfriends know better than to say these things. And they make you believe you’re hottest chick they’ve ever been with even if it isn’t true Edited November 18, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
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