Breakup came out of the blue and feels rushed? What do I do now?

[amethyst_c02]

I'm 18 and my ex is 19, we'll call him J. We started going out in June and it was honestly the most intimate connection I've had with someone. We hung out nearly every day and no guy has ever treated me in that way. He has boosted my confidence so much and we get a long so well that it's like a match made to be! I was quite shaken up from previous stuff with guys (cheating, disloyalty etc) and he was so comforting and genuine to me -as I was for him- that we've both helped each other, in more ways than one. He would often say that he's so glad life put us together. He's shorter than me but that's never mattered and I think I've helped his confidence as well, which is good.

We've had no problems in our relationship except that fact that his frenulum tore (the skin that attaches the foreskin to the glans) whilst we were having sex in July and it's never healed. It became a cycle of the skin healing up, us trying to have sex again and then after a round or two, it starts getting unbearably painful for him and we have to stop immediately. It also bleeds from time to time and becomes visibly irritated. This had become more apparent as months went on, and by end of September I couldn't even attempt oral sex and if I brushed him wrong or sat on his lap (if erect) would cause him to flinch and wince in pain. I think this has started to take a toll on him, as he was talking about it constantly and getting annoyed when he couldn't have sex.Flash forward to the last month and a half; we haven't been able to see each other as much as usual because of lockdown and uni work but when I do see him, things are just as good as in the summer and we both act completely infatuated. This is why I was completely shocked when he ended things with me last week, after I'd been at his house THAT DAY! The last time I saw him (which was the same day he ended it) , the mood changed half way through the evening, when we attempted to have sex and he had to stop half way through (because of pain, I assume). He then acted very into himself and wanted to go to sleep. When I got home, I stupidly texted him joking about the lack of sex and said we can make up for it next time (I was slyly trying to be petty) , which I think he read into and decided to end things, as the sex problem is ongoing. He said he needs some time for peace of mind and that it's over for now but doesn't wanna say it's a break etc.. He also said that he'd just come to this conclusion that day. I am very confused and hurt. It doesn't feel over.

Last week I saw him at his worst; he's struggling so badly financially that he's barely eating and now his manhood is hurting even when erect?! He has lost a lot of weight and his parents aren't helping him at all financially (he gives them his uni loan?) I'm giving him time and space but I messaged him after three days of no contact, laying some things out and asking to talk more about the situation but also said I'm giving him all the time he needs. He read my message almost instantly but hasn't responded yet, even though it's been 4 days? Our connection was too good to just die after one spur in the moment thought. In my mind I feel like this isn't over yet; call me in denial, but I don't think so. Up until the other day, things were running smoothly. On the same week of our break up, I confronted him about a slight issue with communication and he called me to rectify things and really made me feel better. So I don't understand what has gone wrong here... any advice? Would you leave him to respond or ask for clarity again in a weeks time?

 

ALSO, I appreciate all responses, however, please refrain from saying "you're young, get over it", we are both mature and whilst, yes, we are young, I still want advice. This situation means a lot to me.

Edited November 24, 2020 by amethyst_c02

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, he's been thinking about it for a while. However it's bizarre he never went to a doctor/urologist. Have you both been tested for STDs? It seems condoms weren't used? He's just not in a place to date right now.

Edited November 24, 2020 by Wiseman2

[amethyst_c02]

1 hour ago, amethyst_c02 said:

I'm 18 and my ex is 19, we'll call him J. We started going out in June and it was honestly the most intimate connection I've had with someone. We hung out nearly every day and no guy has ever treated me in that way. He has boosted my confidence so much and we get a long so well that it's like a match made to be! I was quite shaken up from previous stuff with guys (cheating, disloyalty etc) and he was so comforting and genuine to me -as I was for him- that we've both helped each other, in more ways than one. He would often say that he's so glad life put us together. He's shorter than me but that's never mattered and I think I've helped his confidence as well, which is good.

We've had no problems in our relationship except that fact that his frenulum tore (the skin that attaches the foreskin to the glans) whilst we were having sex in July and it's never healed. It became a cycle of the skin healing up, us trying to have sex again and then after a round or two, it starts getting unbearably painful for him and we have to stop immediately. It also bleeds from time to time and becomes visibly irritated. This had become more apparent as months went on, and by end of September I couldn't even attempt oral sex and if I brushed him wrong or sat on his lap (if erect) would cause him to flinch and wince in pain. I think this has started to take a toll on him, as he was talking about it constantly and getting annoyed when he couldn't have sex.Flash forward to the last month and a half; we haven't been able to see each other as much as usual because of lockdown and uni work but when I do see him, things are just as good as in the summer and we both act completely infatuated. This is why I was completely shocked when he ended things with me last week, after I'd been at his house THAT DAY! The last time I saw him (which was the same day he ended it) , the mood changed half way through the evening, when we attempted to have sex and he had to stop half way through (because of pain, I assume). He then acted very into himself and wanted to go to sleep. When I got home, I stupidly texted him joking about the lack of sex and said we can make up for it next time (I was slyly trying to be petty) , which I think he read into and decided to end things, as the sex problem is ongoing. He said he needs some time for peace of mind and that it's over for now but doesn't wanna say it's a break etc.. He also said that he'd just come to this conclusion that day. I am very confused and hurt. It doesn't feel over.

Last week I saw him at his worst; he's struggling so badly financially that he's barely eating and now his manhood is hurting even when erect?! He has lost a lot of weight and his parents aren't helping him at all financially (he gives them his uni loan?) I'm giving him time and space but I messaged him after three days of no contact, laying some things out and asking to talk more about the situation but also said I'm giving him all the time he needs. He read my message almost instantly but hasn't responded yet, even though it's been 4 days? Our connection was too good to just die after one spur in the moment thought. In my mind I feel like this isn't over yet; call me in denial, but I don't think so. Up until the other day, things were running smoothly. On the same week of our break up, I confronted him about a slight issue with communication and he called me to rectify things and really made me feel better. So I don't understand what has gone wrong here... any advice? Would you leave him to respond or ask for clarity again in a weeks time?

 

ALSO, I appreciate all responses, however, please refrain from saying "you're young, get over it", we are both mature and whilst, yes, we are young, I still want advice. This situation means a lot to me.

When I said joking about lack of sex, I didn't actually make into a joke, I just said "it was nice to see you, we can make up for the sex next time"

[amethyst_c02]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, he's been thinking about it for a while. However it's bizarre he never went to a doctor/urologist. Have you both been tested for STDs? It seems condoms weren't used? He's just not in a place to date right now.

I don't think he had though, as he said he only came to that conclusion on the day; and that's how it seemed... very abrupt. Yes, we used condoms. 

[trident_2020]

He's gone. Don't chase a runaway dog it only runs further away.

I'm sure it's nothing to do with anything you said or didn't say during the last few messages.

 

[TeddyBundy1993]

He needs to see a doctor. It's not a uncommon issue amongs men. Sex is an important part of relationship and looks like it was quite stressful for him.  It would take a toll on you in future too.  Moreover he's not in a great state to be in a relationship even.  If you wanna be there as a friend for him then be it, but don't expect anything in return from him. Dont become a punching bag for him either. Yes he has troubles but not because of you. If in your mind you think it's not over then,Look for his actions lately,  how long can he stay without talking to you.  You doing the right thing by giving him space,  dont forget to work on your own feelings in this whiie. And he didnt broke up all of sudden  he was already planning too, just pulled it when the time was right for him. It just appears he broke all of sudden,  looks like he doesn't share his feel with you. Take care ok, try to maintain no contact for longer durations