Sandan30 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 First of all let me just thank you for taking time to read and potentially help me get out of my dark thoughts. So I have been with my partner for 7 years and I love her deeply, before meeting her I had never even kissed another girl. In the past week or two I have struggled dealing with her past, we have discussed it and I realise how silly my thoughts are but they still plague me. Basically she has slept with 2 guys before me but not been in a relationship. The first guy was her friend though high school and one night when they were together they did it, she tried to reassure me that it was fast and she didn't feel anything (physically) and is not even sure it happened, it was awkward etc I struggle understanding this because when we do it there is passion and alot of build up. The second guy was just a couple of months before we met and mainly what my mind has been struggling with. Again this was a friend from school who came to visit for 3 days, she said they slept in different beds until the last night when it happened, supposedly there was little touching and tops were kept on. It was very fast (couple of minutes) and uncomfortable and awkward, I think she thinks it helps (and it might) but he was very small (she said like my little finger). For both she says she felt pressure (peer pressure) to do it and neither ment anything and never kissed them. I know there is nothing I can do about the past by my mind keeps playing over and over the image of the second guy kissing and touching her then doing it (even if it's not she said) and it's hurting me. What can I do? Any advice would be great Even just typing this has helped me a bit... Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 I guess you are very young and inexperienced. Sounds like you expect her to be a virgin. What you can do is be very, very, very happy. She has been with only two men before, each only one time, and each time pretty horrible. With you though there is passion and build up. You are literally the best sex she has ever had! One thing you can do is to let her know she should never let peer pressure convince her to have sex. Clearly such sex sucked. Let her know she is good enough to get someone she wants and she deserves that. You can express sorrow and support that these guys pressured her into sex. You can let her know you are going to work extra hard to make sure the sex is good...cue passion.... The worse thing you can do is get jealous of these two guys. Even better one was close before she met you, she picked you. You have nothing to be jealous about, in fact, I bet they being so awful is making you look like a rock star. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 My girlfriend has a 17 year old teenage son. Not only do I think about her exhusband screwing her sometimes I think of her popping her kid out of there. Try getting past THAT one. Link to post Share on other sites
Pottering About Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 This is obviously hard for you to deal with and you should not put yourself down. However, you have been with her for 7 years, you most certainly sound like you have a loving relationship and she has only had two previous lovers, neither of whom come anywhere near the level of intimacy that you two share. There are many people who would love to be in your shoes. Is the real problem here your lack of sexual experience before meeting your girlfriend? If so, how do you handle that? You have a wonderful relationship not worth jeopardising to even up scores. SumGuy is right, be very very very happy. If you do have problems with pictures in your head of the previous boys (boys, not men), can you replace them with pictures of the two of you together? You have had 7 years of passion together. The other two sound as though they add up to around 10 to 15 minutes. You are way ahead on this deal. Good luck for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 My guess at the bottom of this is the 7 year itch. You need an excuse to move on and justify leaving her, and her sexual past is the flavour of the month. The problem with having never experienced other sexual partners is that it tends at some point to causes issues. If you stay with her, she will always be +2 ahead of you and that will rankle... The fact the experiences she had sound like adolescent fumbles is moot, as they were 2 adolescent fumbles you never had... Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) @Sandan30, I'm not sure I can give you any useful advice. But I do have a question for you. Why on earth do you know about her previous sexual experiences in such great detail? Even the most well-adjusted man or woman might have difficulty moving beyond such detailed descriptions of their partner's previous sexual encounters. Edited December 6, 2020 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
Milly May June Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 If you leave her you will most likely meet other women who have had other sexual partners (especially the older you get). Meaning you will be in the same boat as you are now. People come with history. Its the way things are. What are you so insecure about? Why does it bother you if she had other sexual experiences? Is it a cultural thing? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Stop judging people on things they did before they met you. Analyze your relationship in the context of how the person treats you. Especially if she has been a good, faithful & loyal GF to you for 7 years, nothing she did before that matters. Just put her past out of your mind because it's irrelevant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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