leafguy Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 Good evening everyone, My wife and I had hit a rut and decided to attend counseling and had been making some progress until this weekend when during our session we had gotten into some of her traumas. The session took a turn for the worse and she immediately spiraled into the deepest stress and depression I've ever seen her in. She had a breakdown last night and was throwing up and has been adamant now that she is not sure where we are heading and feels that she may not be capable of working on herself and the relationship. I've taken her for granted on some things and have been a time bomb myself today worrying about her and us and am not sure how to handle the emotions right now. I have no idea how much of this is a product of that trigger and the depression and how much of it may actually be true and awakened during the session. She has been now just going on the we want different things and she's not sure if the love we have is enough anymore. I told her I'm with her every step of the way to try and figure this out but not sure how to cope with it myself. Thx in advance for any replies! Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 29 minutes ago, leafguy said: She has been now just going on the we want different things and she's not sure if the love we have is enough anymore. ...... Thx in advance for any replies! Well... if she says she still has love for you... and you feel it's the truth... then You should be by her side, and try to work on things. BUT... since she has depression... then maybe you should focus on that. If you can help her with that, and she gets control back... then the relationship may heal on it's own. I wish you happiness in moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 I suggest that she attend therapy for herself only. This seems to be her problem and your participation is only going to keep front and center those issues that she thinks are coming between you. She needs to own up to why she feels this way. At this point in time you are only a reminder of what she doesn't want. Support her but be nonintrusive. Offer compromise but never capitulation. Meanwhile prepare yourself in case it turns against you. Have a plan in place in case she asks for a separation or a divorce. She doesn't have to know about any plans and it's not giving up on her to have plans in place that you can turn to for protection. This is going to be very tough for you and I do hope it turns your way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 Sorry to hear that. How long have you been married? What issues brought you to the marriage therapy? Did she want to be married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author leafguy Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Thanks for the replies. Blind-sided yes I know she still loves me and thats what I am trying to focus on with her. She is booking her own therapy apt for tomorrow to see if she can pinpoint anything deeper. We both felt like we were making progress until last apt. Wiseman, married just over a year. Intimacy issues being the main thing to try and figure out how to compromise more. Different set drives etc. Apparently its more than that and this whole host of other stuff came out. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 15 hours ago, leafguy said: The session took a turn for the worse and she immediately spiraled into the deepest stress and depression I've ever seen her in. She had a breakdown last night and was throwing up and has been adamant now that she is not sure where we are heading and feels that she may not be capable of working on herself and the relationship Sounds like it stirred up some deep trauma, I guess there is some kind of abuse underlying. This is not just about unequal sex drives, or regular marital issues. She is doing the right thing by seeking professional individual help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leafguy Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Elaine, you are 100% right about that. She had been seeking help for her traumas during rhe relationship earlier but her therapist left and she was on subsidized so it went back to a waiting list. She was abused in her last relationship and although I have been good to her she still has all of it deep down. I just wish I could understand it more. I've been distraught for a day and god only knows how she carries this weight 24/7. I just hope she can work through both and know that I'm there for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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