CBT and feeling more down

[robaday]

I started going to counselling for the first time in my life recently. I'm a very calm guy normally, reserved, I do feel things inside but I tend to shut them down. I am finding since I started counselling I am feeling really down, crying and generally worse than before. Is this a good thing? Does it mean I am processing things? 

Thanks

Edited November 25, 2020 by robaday

[lonelyplanetmoon]

If you have spent your life gulping down emotions and are now going to counseling then YES.  You sit in that office and feel safe in talking about things.  The emotions start to seep out.  But that is really good for you.  When I went to my first 6-8 sessions I cried for no reason talking about anything.  After a while I noticed that I stopped being irrationally emotional and felt so much better about myself.  Hang in there.  Let it all out until there is nothing left that is bottled up.

 

[Milly May June]

I agree. You crying is a sign of you feeling and not surpressing emotions. That is a great sign. 

Normally when we bottle up emotions and if we have done it for a long time it will take some time for the emotional walls to collaps. 

[robaday]

Thing is I pride myself on being calm and strong, always have been but for the first time in my life Im crying regularly, is this normal? Im a male by the way

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, robaday said:

Thing is I pride myself on being calm and strong, always have been but for the first time in my life Im crying regularly, is this normal? Im a male by the way

What precipitated going to therapy?

Was it a change in employment/income? Overall covid blues? A change in living arrangements? A change in relationship status? Some sort of loss like the death of a loved one?

It matters because some things are situational such as grief or adjustment to difficult circumstances.

Have you checked in with a physician for an evaluation of overall health and moods?

CBT is excellent for adjustment situations. However it's considered supportive adjunctive therapy with mood and other more neuropsychiatric based situations.

[Milly May June]

 

In your way of thinking, what qualities do you have that make you 'strong'? Have you been raised in a household where men vere supposed to surpress their feelings and emotions? 

My take is that your coping mechanism was to shut down and surpress emotions but deep down you know that that approach is not healthy. This is why therapy has such an affect on you. You are letting the emotional side of your being take place and it can be uncomfterble especially if you are not used to it. 

[Watercolors]

7 hours ago, robaday said:

Thing is I pride myself on being calm and strong, always have been but for the first time in my life Im crying regularly, is this normal? Im a male by the way

Strong = suppressed emotions...according to your upbringing, correct?

Yes, crying is normal when you make yourself emotionally vulnerable to a therapist, to talk about personal issues that you are struggling with. The more you can express your emotions in the context of each situation, the healthier you'll be mentally. You can still be reserved and let people know when they are crossing the line with you. You can still maintain your power, as long as you express your emotions instead of repress them as you have done all of your life, I assume?

It is extremely unhealthy to shut down emotionally in any situation and just let people take your power away from you, by not responding to having your boundaries invaded.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an excellent form of therapy. It will force you to learn how to be emotionally vulnerable with other people in your life, and will teach you how to verbally "draw" boundaries with people, and when those people invade your boundaries, give you the verbal tools to protect and maintain your boundaries from those people.

[robaday]

What precipitated going to therapy? I am a commitment phobe and dont want to be like that anymore, I lose myself in relationships. I am also suffering from very low self esteem. 

Was it a change in employment/income? Overall covid blues? A change in living arrangements? A change in relationship status? Some sort of loss like the death of a loved one? All of these within last 12 months. I was coping fine until I reached "normality" and then everything hit me, prior to that I was busy looking after other people, running around like a madman being strong for others. When I actually reached calm, when things should have been good, is when it all caught up with me. Im good in a crisis, but not very good in normal life

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, robaday said:

All of these within last 12 months.

Sorry to hear that. Ok, address one thing at a time.

Grief counseling if there was a loss/death.

Finding a job and hopefully getting the financial situation in order.

Finding appropriate housing.

Accepting a breakup and focusing on healing a broken heart.

As you know there is no such diagnosis as "commitmentphobia".

It's a made up term for one person wanting more than the other

However CBT, focuses on real and solvable issues and the best manner to solve them. It focuses on challenging distorted thinking and ruminating.

So, you may not like the idea of having to look at real issues and viable solutions.

For example, "commitmentphobia" is not a real issue however you may want to address why you push people away and what you can do about that.

 

 

 

[Milly May June]

I might also suggest some good old psycotherapy to adress your history and to analyze your behaviour parters. This therapy form helped me to open my eyes on my behaviour patterns and where they come from.