Confused25 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I have gotten myself into a situation that is driving me completely insane. Deep down I think i know what the answer will be, I guess it will just help to hear it from others. 18 Months ago I was going thru a sticky breakup with a man I had been living with for a bit less than a year. I needed to get my belongings out of the apartment and relied on a friend of the family's (he's 8 yrs older than me) to get the job done. We ended up spending that night together, and every other day/night after that, sometimes just 1-2 times a week, but pretty frequently in the past 18 months (usually intimate). In the beginning he was my shoulder to cry on about my lost relationship with my ex. Like a rebound, kinda, but without the whole bf/gf label. We would talk of his past relationships, women he was interested in, women he had slept with, what he liked and disliked sexually, everything. Eventually we became amazing sexual partners, and we stopped communicating (verbally). I started going to dinners and movies with a man i had met in college about 6 months into my friendship with the "family friend" and thats when the feelings between me and the friend started to show. He was acting crazy jealous, wanting to spend every waking moment with me, telling me there is no way i will be as happy with the new guy as i was with him, etc. I eventually found myself lying to the new guy to spend time with my so called friend, and once I was intimate with my friend again, I ended it with the new guy. But then my friend told me that we could never be more than what we were. he said he was in love with me sexually, that no other woman has ever been able to satisfy him the way i did, but that a serious relationship wouldnt work because he was my dads friend, and the 25-32, 8year age difference was a big factor, and he didnt think i was ready, and blah blah blah. But his actions, arent they supposed to speak louder than words? We do everything a real couple does, we spend a few nights a week together, we go to movies, go clubbin, go on road trips, boating, i do more with him than i ever did with any of my exes. When his father died, I was his shoulder to cry on, I was who he wanted to spend time grieving with. Same when he got the news his ex was killed trajically, he was upset and came to me. I guess what i am asking is, is it possible for a man, after 18 months, to only love a woman sexually? or is he just afraid to admit his true feelings because we have gone on so long pretending we are just friends, he is afraid that once i get what i claim to want, i wont want it anymore? How can I get him to open up to me?? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 You can't count on actions or words in a FWB relationship. You are bound to feel lots of tender 'this is love' moments, but it will not change the fact that no matter what direction the FWB relationship seems to be taking - it is inherently based on the understanding that there is no commitment unless otherwise implicitly stated. Lots of hearts have gotten broken by reading to much into things with a hopeful heart and wishful thinking. 1. I guess what i am asking is, is it possible for a man, after 18 months, to only love a woman sexually? 2. or is he just afraid to admit his true feelings because we have gone on so long pretending we are just friends, he is afraid that once i get what i claim to want, i wont want it anymore? 3. How can I get him to open up to me?? 1. He can love you emotionally and can love you sexually and still not want to commit to you. You'll have to ask him directly, and I mean directly what intentions he has in this relationship. 2. He shows you his true feelings. True feelings don't automatically mean a guy wants to commit to a relationship though. How will you know if he is ready for a commitment with you? By asking. Point blank. Let him know you want a commitment. Let him know you want that with him. 3. By asking him these questions: I want to commit to you, and I want you to commit to me - would you be willing to make this into a committed monogamous relationship? Be aware that 'opening up' doesn't always mean 'working in your favor'. If he doesn't want a committed, monogamous relationship with you then nothing is going to make him want that, regardless of how much he loves and cares for you. You'll need to know if it is you that he isn't wanting to commit to, or the type of relationship you want from him. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 that is the horrible truth Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused25 Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 *sigh* there have been rumors of him being bisexual... I have refused to believe it, but he does like to experiment in places other men normally dont, not with me anyways, oh god could this mean what I think it means?? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 He loves the sex. Period. Loving you means taking a step further and trying to make it work in a relationship. Is that happening ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused25 Posted October 16, 2005 Author Share Posted October 16, 2005 Nope, no sign of him taking things a step further, however I mentioned the possibility of going to a movie with a friend of a friend, he said, "Why didnt u ask me? I'll take you". Like he doesnt want to be with me, but doesnt want me to be with anyone else? I think what I have to do, is stop making myself so accessable. He calls, I drop what i'm doing and run to his side. He knows he's got me where he wants me right now, I have to be strong and say no. This sucks, why cant there be a magic love spell to make him fall helplessly in love with me? Hmmm, Love Spells. Got me an Idea... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 He can't love you while he is sexing you if he sexed you first before falling in love with you. He loves the sex. Not you. If you want the beautiful love well...this farmer already used up the cow. Get you a new man Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused25 Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 ...this farmer already used up the cow. Get you a new man HAHA Mary I LUV Ya!!! He is such a farmer, LITERALLY!! If I am able to laugh at him.. I Think I deserve me a new man, No?!?! No Disrespect to all y'all REAL Farmers out there! One Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I have read what the original poster has to say and I have the sneaking suspicion that this is not friends with benefits. I have the habit of taking anything that is said over a internet relationship forum with a grain of salt. I have a feeling that this guy has feelings for her also but is as of yet not sure if he wants to commit. I think the post was an expression of worry and fear. You are falling in love with this guy and your afraid if he not is going to stay with you. Your falling in love with a bad boy. Also, I do not think the age range is a such a big deal. Don't let it be an excuse to not following your happiness if this guy provides it. BTW, you should make him come clean about his sex history. The movie Kinsey showed that many mostly straight people have explored homosexuality and that was many years ago. Now it is probably more prevalent. If you heard he had homosexual relations it is probably true. You need to confront him on it if only because AIDS is very prelavent among homosexuals and you don't want to get AIDS. I am not saying that one shouldn't have sex with a bisexual or a different kind of sex experience explorer, but you should take the proper precautions like wearing a condom for starters. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Good because if its not what you want then you deserve better ! Mooooooo !! Link to post Share on other sites
nicegirl2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 You can't count on actions or words in a FWB relationship. You are bound to feel lots of tender 'this is love' moments, but it will not change the fact that no matter what direction the FWB relationship seems to be taking - it is inherently based on the understanding that there is no commitment unless otherwise implicitly stated. Lots of hearts have gotten broken by reading to much into things with a hopeful heart and wishful thinking. 1. He can love you emotionally and can love you sexually and still not want to commit to you. You'll have to ask him directly, and I mean directly what intentions he has in this relationship. 2. He shows you his true feelings. True feelings don't automatically mean a guy wants to commit to a relationship though. How will you know if he is ready for a commitment with you? By asking. Point blank. Let him know you want a commitment. Let him know you want that with him. 3. By asking him these questions: I want to commit to you, and I want you to commit to me - would you be willing to make this into a committed monogamous relationship? Be aware that 'opening up' doesn't always mean 'working in your favor'. If he doesn't want a committed, monogamous relationship with you then nothing is going to make him want that, regardless of how much he loves and cares for you. You'll need to know if it is you that he isn't wanting to commit to, or the type of relationship you want from him. Be aware that 'opening up' doesn't always mean 'working in your favor'. If he doesn't want a committed, monogamous relationship with you then nothing is going to make him want that, regardless of how much he loves and cares for you. You'll need to know if it is you that he isn't wanting to commit to, or the type of relationship you want from him. Nail on the hammer...... I am starting to accept that ..... and I believe when a man plays it slow... or actually goes slow into a relationship.... the man has very much potential into what he wants out of life~~~.... I am still learning... and still wanna stick by this person... slowly.... one day at a time people.... good luck to all...... Link to post Share on other sites
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