Veryupsett Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 The last few weeks have been a nightmare. A few members of my immediate family have contracted the Covid virus and one of them has been hospitalized. In addition, my cat of 17 years almost died the other night from congestive heart failure. First, the vet told me that he has cardiomyopathy and a very damaged heart so he may not survive long and now they called tonight to tell me the x-rays also reveal what they believe to be lung cancer. I don’t know how he could have both since the cardio that was positive that the heart failure was to only due to the heart and there is nothing else to be concerned about. Either way it’s extremely upsetting especially because I lost my husband of 30 years to lung cancer almost 9 years ago. Ironically, our cat gave him comfort towards the end and gave me and my children a lot of comfort since losing my husband (their father) and one of my grown children said when something happens to the cat he doesn’t know how he’s going to go on since he has been biggest source of comfort for him besides myself. Needless to say, I’m very concerned about my son who also has autism. It’s also very disturbing that my boyfriend of over a year has consistently said I should put the cat down even before this prior episode. He’s not particularly a cat lover but he is generally gentle to my cat. He always feels that the cat is more trouble than it’s worth because of his age but particularly now and and telling me that unless I want the cat to suffer I should put him down now. While this may or may not be true what’s troubling me is that he can’t be more supportive but would rather be dictatorial. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a few weeks because he also is Covid positive but I’m concerned that after this weekend he’s going to want to see me and to be truthful I just don’t want to see him right now I just can’t deal with him telling me what to do or strongly suggesting what to do especially with the cat I just don’t need that kind of pressure right now. I know it doesn’t sound nice but I really don’t miss him at this point and I really don’t want to see him I got my hands full worrying about my family and now my cat and all the bad memories of when my husband was dying that last Thanksgiving. He passed less than two months after that. Should I tell my boyfriend that I just need time by myself for a while and not worry about if his feelings are hurt? It’s a shame that I can’t find comfort with him and it’s making me feel that he’s just not the right person for me at least not now. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 You dont know him long.And this long term issues may be alot for him. But he could show some empathy atleast. Maybe hes not the best one for you.You need support now from freinds also. Talk to him about this, and why you are hurt.Maybe it bring you guys closer. And one very important thing for you and your kids : Accept that dead exist.People can die,its part of life. And animals for sure will die at some point. Thats reality.Accept it. Because eventhou the cat been there whole time, you know he wont be there for ever. As sad as it is.Dont know how long cats live,but yours sounds old. Handle animal lost as animal lost. And human lost as human lost. Knowing that animals sure dont live for very long as humans. And eventhou its not same,but you can get new pets and make new memories.👍🏽🙂 All the best Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 If you don't miss your boyfriend and you have all these stressful things going on, then yes of course, tell your boyfriend that you need some time and you can't see him right now. Do what's best for YOU. And tell him very firmly that you do NOT appreciate him telling you that you should put the cat down, that it's not his place to tell you to do that, and that your cat means a lot to you and when he says something like that, it's extremely rude and hurtful. I am sorry to hear about your cat. I'm a cat person myself. 17 is pretty old for a cat, it's equivalent to like 85 years old in human years. You and your kids need to accept the reality that this cat probably won't be around much longer, that's just the reality. If your son is saying that he "won't be able to go on" when the cat dies, then you should address that now. Get your son into therapy or something. My boyfriend and I rescued a street cat who turned out to have severe cardiomyopathy and it died a dramatic death from heart failure just days after we rescued it. We rushed it to the ER and it died in the ER that night. If you don't feel that your cat is suffering then don't put it down just yet. Enjoy your time with your cat and you will know when it's time. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Stop talking to your BF about the cat. In fact rather than "taking breaks", consider simply ending it. A year of dating is enough time to realize that you are not comfortable with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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