I feel I made a mistake breaking up with my ex, four years ago.

[ironpony]

Oh okay.  Well another thing is, how come the gfs or perhaps lots of women, do not worry about losing money in a marriage if it were not work out?  How come they have no fear of losing money?  Are they just more brave or more risk taking in that area compared to some men?

Edited December 15, 2020 by ironpony

[Happy Lemming]

I think your inquiry is based on past history/data.

In the past, when a couple divorced, the court attempted to "make the split fair and equitable".  Traditionally, the man earned more than the woman and thus he paid "alimony" to the woman.  But today that is less of the case, as women's salaries are close to that of their male counter parts. 

From what I understand, if there is only a minor difference in earnings, no alimony will be awarded.

Now if there are minor children involved you get into a whole different formula with shared custody, child support, etc.  From what I understand the formula can get quite complex.

Unless you really have your heart set on having kids, I would suggest you stay single and "play the field".

[notbroken]

You are now looking at things through 'rose colored glasses'.   It was 4 years ago.  You broke up for a reason.  That reason didn't go away and has likely only grown.   Never spend time trying to regrow what didn't take off before.  Spend your time growing or improving something new or existing.   She 'got away' for a reason.  Don't glamorize her or your relationship.  You likely remember what never was. 

[ironpony]

3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I think your inquiry is based on past history/data.

In the past, when a couple divorced, the court attempted to "make the split fair and equitable".  Traditionally, the man earned more than the woman and thus he paid "alimony" to the woman.  But today that is less of the case, as women's salaries are close to that of their male counter parts. 

From what I understand, if there is only a minor difference in earnings, no alimony will be awarded.

Now if there are minor children involved you get into a whole different formula with shared custody, child support, etc.  From what I understand the formula can get quite complex.

Unless you really have your heart set on having kids, I would suggest you stay single and "play the field".

Oh okat, well I did have a couple of 100 thousand more dollars than she did in the bank though, and I was planning on saving that for some other things in my life.  That was the part I wanted to keep were my savings.

[Cookiesandough]

Bro off topic but if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank why are you living with your parents. That’s probably a big reason you struggle with dating to the point you’re considering a washed up ex. A lot of women will not consider a dude that lives with his parents. 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ironpony]

4 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Bro off topic but if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank why are you living with your parents. That’s probably a big reason you struggle with dating to the point you’re considering a washed up ex. A lot of women will not consider a dude that lives with his parents. I live with my parents, but that is because I am a broke student. 

Well I wasn't sure where to buy a house because they said not to buy one unless I am going to live in it for at least 10 years and that is the dilemma is I don't know what city I want to live in yet.  Also they tell me to wait until the prices go down.  That was a few years ago.

But I also need a job that pays enough that they will let me have a mortgage and still looking for such a job.  I was also thinking of using some of the money for making a feature film and use that for a career goal to hopefully get into the business more.

[ironpony]

Also another thing is, in my experience women seem to like guys who stick up for the themselves and put their foot down.  But why is it when it comes to prenups, they do not like men who stick up for themselves and put their foot down.  Why is that one area of exception it seems?

[Commongoal123]

Sucks to be the guy in Beirut.  She's his problem now.

[Lance Mannion]

On 12/14/2020 at 1:33 PM, Ruby Slippers said:

I'm not going to get into a big discussion about prenups here. I do think a lot of women would be turned off enough by a guy asking for one that they'd just leave - myself included. (I'd make an exception for a very large disparity in assets - Dave Ramsey's guideline is $2 million+ difference, and that's mainly because extended family can sometimes get crazy when a lot of money enters the equation, and nobody wants that.) 

If you're more concerned about potential losses in marriage than looking forward to potential gains, I think you probably should avoid marriage. 

An equitable prenup creates incentives to stay in the marriage and thus counters family law which creates incentives to leave a marriage.

[ironpony]

Well what I don't understand is, women usually seem to like a guy who can grow a pair when needed, and stand up for himself and put his foot down.  But why do they get turned off at guy wanting a prenup, since isn't that a guy standing his grown, and putting his foot down, which usually women seem to like?

Edited December 23, 2020 by ironpony

[ironpony]

Well lately I've been feeling like I keep screwing up at life.  In my relationships, but also in my career, with not job at the moment, etc.  Or maybe it's normal to feel this way and it's perhaps a crisis sort of thing that people go through perhaps at this stage in their lives?

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Well lately I've been feeling like I keep screwing up at life.  In my relationships, but also in my career, with not job at the moment, etc.  Or maybe it's normal to feel this way and it's perhaps a crisis sort of thing that people go through perhaps at this stage in their lives?

It's normal. People go through it when they're experiencing uncertainty etc. in their lives. At least some of us do.

[Acacia98]

On 12/15/2020 at 7:55 PM, ironpony said:

Oh okay.  Well another thing is, how come the gfs or perhaps lots of women, do not worry about losing money in a marriage if it were not work out?  How come they have no fear of losing money?  Are they just more brave or more risk taking in that area compared to some men?

I'm certainly not one of those women. If I were to get married at this point in my life, I'd do the prenup thing. For me, it's a practical consideration. In the same way that I'd get insurance if I were buying a car, I'd get a prenup if I were getting married. I have dependents, so I couldn't afford to waltz into marriage with a pollyannaish attitude. And no, I'm not a millionaire. Just a regular middle-class person.

[ironpony]

Well I just feel like everyone I know is getting married by my age and I did something to screw up my chances, or I'm doing something wrong.  Maybe it was the pre-nup thing before with the one most longest relationship I had.

[trident_2020]

10 years from now everyone you know that is your age will be getting divorced or cheating on each other. or arguing about finances or the kids.

You aren't missing nearly as much as you think you are.

[ironpony]

Yeah that's true.  And mayby my ex was not the wisest for going halfway around the world to marry a man she didn't know have as much time to get to know in person, when a lot of their courtship had distance on it and had to be done on the phone I assume...