Cherrystrawberry Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 I was in a 2 year old long distance relationship with my ex (both 22). We were both really in love with each other, making plans for the future and helping each other with our problems. We had our ups and downs but I helped him improve as a person, mentally and physically. He is grateful for that. The last 3 months he started hanging out with some old friends and a girl. He started showing red flags and neglecting me. I would complain about that, but he would tell me i was being paranoid for thinking that he lost interest and that i was damaging our relationship. So I put my worries aside and trusted him. Unfortunately he got worse day by day. We had a week break from each other. I wanted him to clear his mind. He said he wouldnt break up with me. A week later, he did break up with me and told me i was right, that he had changed his attitude and didnt wanna hurt me anymore. He told me he had lost interest. He said he loved me still and wanted us to stay friends, but I told him i needed time. I Went into no contact immediately. Stopped using social media Today he texted my brother: "Dont tell her that i texted you. She hasnt been online for 2 weeks now and Im worried. Is she ok? I broke up with her in a nasty way and I hurt her. I didnt reach out to her because she told me she needed time. I want her in my life and im waiting for her to get over me so we can be friends. Luckily i got my friends who are trying to cheer me up so Ill move on easily, but i dont think thats the case for her. I will definitely visit you guys. I love her and care about her." My head is spinning around. I dont know what to think anymore. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted November 26, 2020 Share Posted November 26, 2020 Your head should stop spinning. He cheated on you with that girl, then broke up with you after you found out in the way that you did. His line about "wanting to stay friends" is just bulls***. It's his way of making himself look good. He could care less about your feelings. He only texted your brother to cover his own ass. Thank your brother for showing you the text message. That text message is proof that your ex-b/f is a manipulative prick because he cheated on you then lied about it, and gaslighted you to make you feel bad for holding him accountable for cheating on you in the first place. You're young. You can do a whole lot better than this schmo. You deserve to be with a guy your age who actually WANTS to be with you - long distance or not. Try to date locally instead. Stay away from online dating for long distance reasons. Yes, there's a pandemic, but trust me, you're better off dating a guy who lives locally because then you don't have to constantly wonder what he's up to, like you do if you date someone who lives in another state or another country. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EvangelineVincent Posted November 26, 2020 Share Posted November 26, 2020 (edited) He definitely gas lighted you going by what you’ve stated on this post. You had legitimate concerns that he had been ignoring you and neglecting you since hanging out with his friends and another woman. Key word :another woman. You guys are long distance and he has taken up spending time in person with someone else, he didn’t break up with you right away because he didn’t know where things stood with the other woman, but then after denying your claims, he admits that he just didn’t want to hurt you. Pfff Keep moving, even if he begged you back at a later date, refuse him. You stayed faithful because you cared about him, HE, knowing how you felt, broke up with you. When someone goes through the motions and breaks things off, it’s because they had been thinking about it for a while, while you were checking your phone to see if he texted, he was texting and hanging out with her. He broke your heart to be with someone else, remember this for when things go sour with her and he gets in touch with you, he HAD you, and dumped you for someone else, gaslighted you the whole time making you seem like the jealous gf. FORGET this guy. Do NOT reach out to him, let him wonder what you are up to, you need to start the process of moving on. You need to find a guy that’s as crazy for you as you’ll be about them, it’s hard to find but worth the wait when it happens. He tells your brother that he loves you, but if he really loved you, he’d be your BF working his way to being your husband NOT hanging out flirting and finding a spark with someone else. Put that on repeat in your mind if you think of reaching out to this guy..... that’s what am doing the times I feel like reaching out to the guy that left Eventually after many many months, the intensity fades when you realize you were played. Edited November 26, 2020 by EvangelineVincent 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 26, 2020 Share Posted November 26, 2020 9 hours ago, Cherrystrawberry said: Today he texted my brother: You need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You also need to ask your friends/family to stop communicating with him. His stalking and endruns around you are creepy, cowardly and disrespectful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cherrystrawberry Posted November 26, 2020 Author Share Posted November 26, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Watercolors said: Your head should stop spinning. He cheated on you with that girl, then broke up with you after you found out in the way that you did. His line about "wanting to stay friends" is just bulls***. It's his way of making himself look good. He could care less about your feelings. He only texted your brother to cover his own ass. Thank your brother for showing you the text message. That text message is proof that your ex-b/f is a manipulative prick because he cheated on you then lied about it, and gaslighted you to make you feel bad for holding him accountable for cheating on you in the first place. You're young. You can do a whole lot better than this schmo. You deserve to be with a guy your age who actually WANTS to be with you - long distance or not. Try to date locally instead. Stay away from online dating for long distance reasons. Yes, there's a pandemic, but trust me, you're better off dating a guy who lives locally because then you don't have to constantly wonder what he's up to, like you do if you date someone who lives in another state or another country. He emotionally cheated on me with her. He replaced my absense with her presence thats for sure. What saddens me is the fact that he would worry a lot in the past, worry about various stuff in his life. He would also panic almost every day, but I was there texting him and trying to make him feel better. Over and Over again. When I started doing the same because I knew that something was wrong, he didnt listen to me, devalued my feelings, called me paranoid and even told me that If i kept worrying and panicking for a long time he would break up with me. He told me he understood my concerns but he denied that he had changed his attitude towards me. A week later(a long time he said yeah), he broke up with me and admitted I was right. He now reaches out to my brother clearly because of guilt. Why are some people like this Edited November 26, 2020 by Cherrystrawberry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cherrystrawberry Posted November 26, 2020 Author Share Posted November 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You also need to ask your friends/family to stop communicating with him. His stalking and endruns around you are creepy, cowardly and disrespectful. creepy, cowardly and disrespectful. Described correctly 👌 Im tired of his mixed signals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cherrystrawberry Posted November 26, 2020 Author Share Posted November 26, 2020 12 hours ago, EvangelineVincent said: He definitely gas lighted you going by what you’ve stated on this post. You had legitimate concerns that he had been ignoring you and neglecting you since hanging out with his friends and another woman. Key word :another woman. You guys are long distance and he has taken up spending time in person with someone else, he didn’t break up with you right away because he didn’t know where things stood with the other woman, but then after denying your claims, he admits that he just didn’t want to hurt you. Pfff Keep moving, even if he begged you back at a later date, refuse him. You stayed faithful because you cared about him, HE, knowing how you felt, broke up with you. When someone goes through the motions and breaks things off, it’s because they had been thinking about it for a while, while you were checking your phone to see if he texted, he was texting and hanging out with her. He broke your heart to be with someone else, remember this for when things go sour with her and he gets in touch with you, he HAD you, and dumped you for someone else, gaslighted you the whole time making you seem like the jealous gf. FORGET this guy. Do NOT reach out to him, let him wonder what you are up to, you need to start the process of moving on. You need to find a guy that’s as crazy for you as you’ll be about them, it’s hard to find but worth the wait when it happens. He tells your brother that he loves you, but if he really loved you, he’d be your BF working his way to being your husband NOT hanging out flirting and finding a spark with someone else. Put that on repeat in your mind if you think of reaching out to this guy..... that’s what am doing the times I feel like reaching out to the guy that left Eventually after many many months, the intensity fades when you realize you were played. Im in no contact since the day of the breakup. He has the audacity to ask me to be his friend after all these moments we had and all this emotional turmoil he put me through, threw future plans and a 2 year old relationship in the trash, devalued my feelings, played with them like they mean nothing. He has the audacity to ask me such thing as if nothing happened. Okay boy. I so so agree with what you said especially with the last paragraph. If he wanted to keep the relationship he would do anything. We promised to overcome any obstacle so that we end up together (he is 6 hours far away from me and he would move in my city in two years). I kept my promise, he didnt. He got carried away by his current friends and that girl Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 27, 2020 Share Posted November 27, 2020 He's just trying to make himself feel better for hurting you. His guilt is getting to him. That's all this is, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/25/2020 at 11:52 PM, Cherrystrawberry said: I was in a 2 year old long distance relationship with my ex (both 22). We were both really in love with each other, making plans for the future and helping each other with our problems. We had our ups and downs but I helped him improve as a person, mentally and physically. He is grateful for that. The last 3 months he started hanging out with some old friends and a girl. He started showing red flags and neglecting me. I would complain about that, but he would tell me i was being paranoid for thinking that he lost interest and that i was damaging our relationship. So I put my worries aside and trusted him. Unfortunately he got worse day by day. We had a week break from each other. I wanted him to clear his mind. He said he wouldnt break up with me. A week later, he did break up with me and told me i was right, that he had changed his attitude and didnt wanna hurt me anymore. He told me he had lost interest. He said he loved me still and wanted us to stay friends, but I told him i needed time. I Went into no contact immediately. Stopped using social media Today he texted my brother: "Dont tell her that i texted you. She hasnt been online for 2 weeks now and Im worried. Is she ok? I broke up with her in a nasty way and I hurt her. I didnt reach out to her because she told me she needed time. I want her in my life and im waiting for her to get over me so we can be friends. Luckily i got my friends who are trying to cheer me up so Ill move on easily, but i dont think thats the case for her. I will definitely visit you guys. I love her and care about her." My head is spinning around. I dont know what to think anymore. Any advice? Wow this guy .... he messaged your brother to try and alleviate his guilt and make himself not look like the fool he is. It’s such transparent , immature Selfish break up behaviour. Especially with what he said. I hope your brother didn’t reply ... and I hope you don’t bother either. In a few months you’ll be saying “I’m glad that’s over!” never make anyone a priority who only makes you an option. This guy just lost out. You have better things waiting for you in your future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cherrystrawberry Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 9 hours ago, Fox Sake said: Wow this guy .... he messaged your brother to try and alleviate his guilt and make himself not look like the fool he is. It’s such transparent , immature Selfish break up behaviour. Especially with what he said. I hope your brother didn’t reply ... and I hope you don’t bother either. In a few months you’ll be saying “I’m glad that’s over!” never make anyone a priority who only makes you an option. This guy just lost out. You have better things waiting for you in your future I hope so! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cherrystrawberry Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/27/2020 at 3:37 PM, ExpatInItaly said: He's just trying to make himself feel better for hurting you. His guilt is getting to him. That's all this is, unfortunately. I agree 100% 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 With friends like him, who needs enemies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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