I need someone's collaboration to understand this

[beaverhausena98]

Hi, maybe it'll be a little long and sound a little crazy. But I thank those who read and share their thoughts on this.

I don't see it as a "breaking up" because we only went out once and it really felt like we had connected, he said that too. In less than a week he met someone and said he was in love. He was super affectionate, courteous, genuinely interested in a way that people can't pretend (or make sense to do so). He praised me several times, talked about a second date (and we even made an appointment before he canceled), we had chemistry and expressed that he really wanted me to spend all night and be cuddly, but I had to leave for person reasons. I suggested we be friends after he said he wasn't avaliable anymore, because, why not? Just because we can be romantic doens't mean we can't be friends. But I don't think he wants to even tho he agreed. First dates that don't go ahead happen all the time, it has happened to me before. But for some reason I can't get  him out of my head and erase the feeling that we still have more to live together. Do you know when you feel something that doesn't make sense and you don't understand why? That's it.
We don't live in the same city or state, we don't have friends in common and the only way to keep in touch is by text. I left the door open. It doesn't look like he'll be using it, although he was very cordial. So I don't understand why I still have that feeling. I don't know if that comes of the cultural differences...
A few years ago I went out with a guy just once, we talked a little, we just kissed and we didn't have sex. We were planning to go out again, but he wasn't from here either. We didn't go out because I didn't have time and it ended up stressing him out, then he went back to his hometown and months, if not a year, he got in touch (in the whole time he wasn't even friends with me on social medias). He says that he feels that we are destined to be together, that he cannot explain this feeling. If I could give it another chance. He apologized for the rudeness thing he said. I was dating at the time and said I forgave, but there was no way we could have anything.
I never understood that. Today I believe I share that same feeling and I still don't understand. This is recent, but it makes me very confused. A part of me thinks that at some point he will contact me again. I would like to know if anyone has ever felt this way and how did they get through? I have a busy life, I keep my mind always busy, but it has always been there in the background. Has anyone ever experienced this?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it just stems from the disappointment of this never having got off the ground, and knowing he opted to explore a relationship with someone else. 

Also, if you only met once and don't even live in the same state, there is little point trying to be friends. There's just nothing to build on and no foundation for friendship. I doubt he feels comfortable keeping in touch given that he's dating someone else anyway, so I wouldn't expect to hear from him. That's best for you, too. It doesn't appear this is worth holding on to.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately one-and-done first meets are more common than not.

The best way to avoid dragging it out is to screen carefully as far as distance, age, culture, whatever.

Do not offer to stay friends. When someone moves on from a first meet, it means it's not a match.

Be careful not to get this over invested in one date. Do not date out of town. 

Be attentive to red flags for players, married people, etc. If you want casual sex, fine, but decide what you want.

Once someone tells you it's not a match, delete and block them and move forward. Don't drag things out.

[_lovelycat_]

15 hours ago, beaverhausena98 said:

I would like to know if anyone has ever felt this way and how did they get through? I have a busy life, I keep my mind always busy, but it has always been there in the background. Has anyone ever experienced this?

I have a similar experience in my history. I met a man when my friend and I were on a vacation. He was charming. We connected and had great time together. Then, it was time to go home. He offered to exchange the contact info and stay in touch. I asked what was the point of doing that. I don't believe in long distance relationships. To my big surprise, after I arrived home, I was not able to stop thinking of him. The pictures of our time together were haunting me for weeks. I regreted I didn't take his contact info. I was wondering if I gave up a very special man. Then, I met an equally charming man locally and forgot about the vacation guy. 

It takes time to get rid of the effects of the romantic encounters when there was a connection. He is still there in the background of your mind because the wound in your heart has not healed yet, not because he is super special for you or you are destined to be together in the future. I wish you to get over him soon! 

[_lovelycat_]

An important point that I forgot to mention in my post above is "please, trust your intuition". If you felt that he was sincere when he praised you and said he felt a connection with you, then the probability is high, he was genuine with you. His affection was not a manipulation. Perhaps, if you met under a different circumstances  or at a different time, things could work out between you two. You may be wondering how he could feel all those emotions toward you and then fall in love with an other woman. That fact does not make sense only if you assume he met her after he met you.   It is easy to misperceive information during the breakup conversation. I am speculating here ... but it is possible that he knew and was in love with the woman before he met you. For some reason, they were not together. Then, he met you and really liked you. After your date,  the woman came back to his life and he succumbed to her charms.

Did you ever notice that exes with whom you have had an excellent connection have this uncanny ability to sense when you stop thinking about them and are having fun? I wouldn't be surprised to learn it is exactly what happened to the man. He had  such a great time with you, he forgot about her. She sensed it and felt an sudden urge to contact him. As result, they reconciled. Then, he cancelled your next date with him and said he is in love.