Who is wrong here?

[Alex321]

Today, me and my girlfriend had an argument, that is keep happening, and we couldn’t settle for what is the root for this problem, or who plays a bigger part in creating this problem in the first beginning. I am going to describe our last argument now so you can get a clearer picture regarding what I am talking about.( I emphasize that this pattern of arguments is keep happening ).

So we were both sitting on the balcony watching the view, when she showed me her feet that had a small bruise on it.( that bruise was caused by us playing two days before; more specific, she sat on my back while I was on the floor, and because I moved she lost her balance and fell. I told her I am sorry at that moment and hugged her to make her feel better). When she showed it to me, I moved her ankle around to see if something got broken, she didn’t make any hurt sound while I did that so I told her: “You don’t have to worry, is just a bruise, nothing is broken, is gonna go away soon.” After this she got angry and said : “Why don’t you say you are sorry, you think I don’t know is not broken ?”. I told her that I already told her that I am sorry, and that by saying to her “not to worry” I meant to comfort her, not to tell her that I don’t care. She got more angry and said that is not true, and that I don’t care about her. I told her that she shouldn’t pick so hard on this small things all the time because they will happen from time to time and is not healthy like this. Two different people, I think, will inevitably behave, at some points, in a way that the other one doesn’t totally agree with. After I said this, she, still angry, start saying she will leave me and started   swearing on me. When she did this I told her that I won’t talk to her anymore if she is talking like this to me, I told her that this is a teenage girl way of behaving( we are in our mid 20’s). At that point she got more angry and throw her hairbrush at me, hitting me with it. The hairbrush broke in half after this. I told her again that swearing and hitting is not ok and it is not how a mature woman should behave. At that point she wanted to call one of my friends to tell them what happened and for him to decide who is wrong here. I said friends or family shouldn’t get involved in this kind of things, and that we should post it on a anonymous group to see what other people say, she didn’t want to, but I still did it, and that’s how this got here.

Now, to sum this up, and for you to make a better idea about me, I don’t always behave perfect( but I never swear or be violent), sometimes I forget small things, and I don’t manage everything perfectly, but I try my best to improve and to do good. I also am the type of man that wants prosperity from life, so aside from  my day to day job, that is a stable, higher studies, medium income job, I also learn programming so that I can make more money so we can afford anything we want in this life. Again, I said this just so you can have a better picture about me and what kind of person I am.  I think is normal for everyone to do small mistakes every day and a life partner shouldn’t point it out every time when it happens, is not healthy in my opinion. She says that this is how women are, and is normal for women to pick on this kind of things every time they happen, and that this is her way of expressing her anger, through swearing and hitting.  I say this is how teenage high school girls behave, not mature women.

By writing this post I am trying to maybe find the root of this problems and fix them.

So what do you think about this situation?

 

[trident_2020]

When you make a post looking for opinions you need to stick to the facts and let the other people decide.

When you say "this this is how teenage high school girls behave" that's not facts that's your opinion.

She threw the hairbrush at you hard enough to break it in two? I wouldn't piss her off if I was you.

 

[SumGuy]

If she doesn't think you care about you why is she with you, and if you feel you are misjudged all the time why are you with her?  If you feel you are only good as your last mistake, or she brings up every little thing, again why stay with her?  (I'm taking your word for it these are little things, and that over all you bring a lot of good)

Don't know where you live but where I live there are plenty of women who do not "pick on this kind of things every time they happen"  (again assuming they are little).    Now they may not be little to her, and that is fair and if they are big to her and little to you that is incompatibility and no one is right or wrong.   

Forget this specific conversation.  It is just a symptom of some overall disconnect.    I find it best just to acknowledge the incompatibility and move on.  For me a relationship where I am only as good as my last mistake is BS.

 

[Cookiesandough]

Sounds like a huge overreaction on her part, almost like she wanted to pick a fight. That’s just going from what you’ve written. 

[carhill]

5 hours ago, Alex321 said:

So what do you think about this situation?

Would you rather be right or in a relationship? Good question to ask yourself when such issues arise.

Also, responsibility. Each partner is responsible for their words and actions.

Myself, being an old guy, I'd write it off to the drama of the 20's. In time one will look back on that stuff and laugh, which leads into another good relationship tool, humor. Sometimes life is too serious to take it seriously. Or not. Depends on how one looks at it. Good luck!

[basil67]

I don’t understand how falling off someone who was laying on the floor could result in needing apologies, comforting or checking for broken ankles.  

Anyway, she was wrong for being mad and throwing stuff.  That would be a dealbreaker for me.

You were patronising for telling her that this is not how a mature woman should behave.   While not an immediate dealbreaker, it would leave me wary of you.   If you’ve got an issue with someone’s behaviour, by all means tell them that you will not accept it, but don’t act like a parent.   

[Millennial]

And the next time she wants to play fight? She going to throw a little tantrum then?

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Alex321 said:

   I said friends or family shouldn’t get involved in this kind of things, and that we should post it on a anonymous group to see what other people say, she didn’t want to, but I still did it, and that’s how this got here.

So, you want a faux jury to "prove" you're right? And you want her not to tell her family and friends what's going on?

Won't be part of your mock trial, but will tell you that you two are in an abusive relationship.

Your angelic description of yourself indicates that you expect a faux jury to defend you while making her out to be the villian.

The truth is you are both abusive in your own ways. 

Why won't you let her just go back home?

[schlumpy]

I suspect there is more to this then the one incident. When an SO frequently uses a minor event to physically fight and say things that could be interpreted in various ways, it's likely that the relationship has run it's course.

[Blind-Sided]

You first post is looking for vindication of your actions.

OK.........

At face value... I've known girls like this... and your GF is CRAZY and overreacted.  You should break up with her based on that alone, because.....

1) You will have to coddle her every time there is an issue, and that will make you angry eventually, having to walk on pins and needles

2) You will tell her what you really think... and she will get angry and leave.

But with that said... no one comes here and gives the straight facts on these kinds of posts. I'm guessing there is more to this. How does someone get a bruised foot... to the point of thinking it's broken simply falling off someone's back, who is "on the floor"???  Also, since you are calling her a child... then that shows your mentality, because an "Adult" would think to them selves... "Wow... I need to distance myself from this quick!"  

Good luck 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

OK OP,  lets look at this as if it were two children playing on the sitting room rug...    and they were "horsing around"...  and one of them was in a precarious position such that they fell at the slightest movement by the other.

We out here cannot tell whether she was in a very strange and vulnerable position OR whether you moved without any regard for her or where she was.

 

You won't even tell us in what position you were in to begin all of this.

 

"on the floor"    -   I'm   "on the floor" right now, as I type.

 

My cat is also "on the floor".    The lamp across the room:   "on the floor".

 

IF you were lying on the floor in some way, with her sitting on you...  it's pretty difficult then to imagine her crashing down from an altitude that makes a great deal of difference either way.

 

All we know now is that your promised  "clearer picture" isn't very clear at all.

 

 

[basil67]

Further to my previous comment......

If my partner showed me a bruise that was received after some kind of accidental mishap, my complete reaction would be “that’s a good bruise”.   Nothing more.   And I have no doubt he’d say the same to me. 

Why all the concern for a bruise?  And why check for a break when she’s been able to walk?   I feel like there must be more to the story.  

 

[Wiseman2]

You're wrong for trying to prevent her from talking to friends and posting an extremely one sided account of things 

Unfortunately I get the sense that you hoped everyone would say she's a crazy immature witch and you are the most amazing BF ever in general and to even "tolerate" her in particular ...

That you would be sending the thread to her or printing it out and shoving it under her nose as proof of her wrongness and your amazingness.

Edited November 29, 2020 by Wiseman2