Alternative relationships

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I do not agree they are alike. I know very few bigger women that are virgins and can’t get a date. Actually, plenty of my bigger friends don’t have an issue getting dates , so I wouldn’t consider you in the same ‘league’, insofar as that exists. 

Good point.   Their low scoring may not be due to their size.  Perhaps they have a lame profile or have photos of their dog.   Or are in need of a makeover.    But the algorithms deliver people who get similar amounts of interest.  

[Cookiesandough]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Good point.   Their low scoring may not be due to their size.  Perhaps they have a lame profile or have photos of their dog.   Or are in need of a makeover.    But the algorithms deliver people who get similar amounts of interest.  

That makes sense (algorithms). 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

 those Chad's .........

You really need to get deprogrammed from those manosphere/ incels hate groups.

Like other hate groups, cults,etc. they  prey on vulnerabilities and start brainwashing you like this with negativity.

Seek out a good therapist to help you deprogram from this self defeating thinking.

Edited December 13, 2020 by Wiseman2

[elaine567]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Good point.   Their low scoring may not be due to their size.  Perhaps they have a lame profile or have photos of their dog.   Or are in need of a makeover.    But the algorithms deliver people who get similar amounts of interest.  

He has been told this before yet he keeps sticking to the inaccurate belief that "Because I am slim, I SHOULD match with "similarly thin" women..."
He doesn't match with "similarly thin" women on a regular basis, so reality should quash that belief, as patently it is untrue. 
"Similarly thin" women do not see him as a viable option. It takes two to tango.
Most people get it drummed into them by experience early doors exactly where they stand in the pecking order of dating and finding a long term partner.
They suss out that the supermodel and the billionaire are not on their particular list of those available to  them and they thus look for the best that they can get.
Unfortunately ZA's aspirations far exceed what he is capable of acquiring so he lurches from one failure to the next.
That is on him. The world owes him no favours, he either accepts what is offered and learns to be happy, or he keeps railing against it making himself miserable.
 

[ZA Dater]

Well for once I did actually get a sort of experience I did like, spent about 3 hours chatting to a very interesting lady, widowed, young baby. All the philosophical topics, values, life, upbringing. People, friends and would you believe it she laughed smiled and it was a great evening.

She just happens to be a model, super confident but also super normal. She doesn't live here and has her pick of guys but it was refreshing to see she is not really into Chad's.

Made me feel a lot better about life

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

She doesn't live here and has her pick of guys but it was refreshing to see she is not really into Chad's.

Made me feel a lot better about life

How do you know whether a guy you see with a woman is what you call "a Chad" (whatever tf that is)?  

How do you know what kind of men a woman you knew for 3 hours is interested in?  

All seems 100% superficial - yet, you are the first person to complain about the superficiality of others.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

How do you know whether a guy you see with a woman is what you call "a Chad" (whatever tf that is)?  

How do you know what kind of men a woman you knew for 3 hours is interested in?  

All seems 100% superficial - yet, you are the first person to complain about the superficiality of others.

The fact that someone can keep me interested for 3 hours is an achievement and it was nice for once to meet someone not from a dating site with all the inherent issues OLD seems to have here. Chad's are generally pretty arrogant, speak loudly and make a spectacle of themselves in my opinion anyway.

Oh no I have given up bemoaning the superficiality of other if you cant beat them then the best thing is to join them. Ultimately all I get out of this is a nice chat with someone who does find me funny and makes me laugh, again very rare and yeah she has lot of baggage but in a different life as a different person who might have some appeal to her I would actually take on this sort of baggage.

It was refreshing to chat with someone who does not put premiums on high life and material wealth and actually looks at the core person, again quite rare for me to find this sort of person. 

But ultimately fruitless because I just cant compete, however its good to live vicariously sometimes and at least I could feel good about myself for a day or two.

[Millennial]

You look okay, sort of rockabilly style. Women are into that, one of my cousins is in a psychobilly band. Go to some music festivals and car shows when covid dies down.

Don't be miserable though.

[ZA Dater]

11 minutes ago, Millennial said:

You look okay, sort of rockabilly style. Women are into that, one of my cousins is in a psychobilly band. Go to some music festivals and car shows when covid dies down.

Don't be miserable though.

Not into the music festival scene, car shows , yes been to plenty of those but virtually no single people. It was just good to actually be me for the change, not have to try and "fake it" all the time and trying to put incompatible puzzle pieces together. It was nice to just do things with someone, talk about life, share experiences and for me to just open up which I do very rarely because when I do the spectre of judgement is right there in my face. 

I guess for me the take away from this is once again there are people out there I find attractive overall. I just need to enjoy meeting them but realise that is as far as it will go.

[Trail Blazer]

On 12/13/2020 at 1:23 PM, basil67 said:

One word: Algorithms.   The algorithms basically pitch people who they judge to be in your league. The criteria for judging leagues is how much attention you attract online.

If you want to see other options to date, you need to change both your presentation and blurb to attract more interest.   To beat the algorithms, you need to work them.

 

Further to this, the best way to 'reset' the algorithm is to delete and create a new profile every so often.

@ZA Dater once you're sitting at the bottom of the stack of profile cards on Tinder, it's hard to get off the bottom.

I recommend you create a new account and use some new photos.  Take the best selfies you can, reset and keep your fingers crossed!

[Trail Blazer]

On 12/13/2020 at 12:55 AM, elaine567 said:

Is obesity a big problem in younger South African women?

Not from what I've seen.  South African women are gorgeous, especially the ones in Cape Town.

[Trail Blazer]

On 12/13/2020 at 1:28 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I do not agree they are alike. I know very few bigger women that are virgins and can’t get a date. Actually, plenty of my bigger friends don’t have an issue with dating even with a lot of options taken away. So I wouldn’t consider you in the same ‘league’, insofar as that exists. 

That's because there are a lot of dudes who just want sex.  They'll lower their standards far more than women will in order to get it.  Not every dude is like OP. 

In fact, OP would be a statistical outlier with regards to maintaining standards whilst simultaneously sabotaging any chance of losing his virginity.

[Cookiesandough]

On 12/13/2020 at 1:35 PM, ZA Dater said:

The fact that someone can keep me interested for 3 hours is an achievement and it was nice for once to meet someone not from a dating site with all the inherent issues OLD seems to have here. Chad's are generally pretty arrogant, speak loudly and make a spectacle of themselves in my opinion anyway.

Oh no I have given up bemoaning the superficiality of other if you cant beat them then the best thing is to join them. Ultimately all I get out of this is a nice chat with someone who does find me funny and makes me laugh, again very rare and yeah she has lot of baggage but in a different life as a different person who might have some appeal to her I would actually take on this sort of baggage.

It was refreshing to chat with someone who does not put premiums on high life and material wealth and actually looks at the core person, again quite rare for me to find this sort of person. 

But ultimately fruitless because I just cant compete, however its good to live vicariously sometimes and at least I could feel good about myself for a day or two.

Superficiality of  ‘others’?  Because you have mentioned a lot about not liking a certain matches because they are unattractive  physically or some other shallow aspect about them. If you are not attracted to people for these reasons, you should be able to grasp why some people might not be attracted to you. So you understand that superficial stuff does matter to people, including yourself, but you don’t want to make changes to conform more to what you see works nor do you want to stop being superficial and give those women who matched you a chance. 

Edited December 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes