I cheated, we broke up. Will I ever get over my guilt? Will I be judged forever?

[Londonbumpkin86]

My ex and I were together for nearly 4 years. Most of which was really happy. His job them became overseas for over a year and were then long distance. I was okay about it for a while and then over time my feelings towards him changed, I lost the attraction and although I loved and still do love and care about him I'm not in love anymore. 

I then cheated due to how lonely I was and I had been trying to break up with him for over 3 months but I think he knew it was coming and sent me gifts ever week and began manipulating me so it felt impossible to break up with him. 

He then found out I cheated and we broke up. Us breaking up was obviously the right thing because I wasn't happy but I just don't know how I will ever recover from the intense guilt I feel due to all the hurt I feel. 

He has become very spiteful and tried to break down the relationship I have with my parents. He's looking for any way to hurt me basically. I get it he's hurt but attacking my life won't make us equal. 

I feel like I will be judged forever on my actions and I will never get over my guilt. 

[Wiseman2]

You need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

You also need to ask your friends and family to do the same.

Be honest with your people about the breakup and that he's trying to get even 

[mark clemson]

He sounds like one of these types who takes the end of a romantic relationship as a personal affront. You hurt them (even with a normal breakup that doesn't involve cheating) so they now feel justified in hurting you. These folks are out there, it's part of dating/relationships.

Just block him out of your life completely and move on. Next time make a firm and clear break before moving on and you needn't fear judgement either from yourself or others.

[Miss Spider]

I deal with a lot of guilt myself, I have learned of ways to cope with/control it. I would look into some resources for that that. 
 

I don’t know how long ago this happened, but it will get easier over time and new experiences. 
 

remember, you have to forgive yourself as much as you have to forgive other people. Carrying around that resentment is bad. No one is perfect and sometimes we learn through our mistakes.

How is he able to even attempt to break down your parents relationship with you? I do not think he would have that power at all. Make sure you block him everywhere and keep him blocked. He’s being immature. 

 

 

Edited November 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Beachead]

@Londonbumpkin86

He's hurting over what you did but what he's doing to you right now, isn't right nor is it good for you and your life.  You're going to have to block and delete him off of social media/phone and and tell your family to do the same.  Cut ties.  

It's commendable that you fessed up, knowing you'd take heat for it, but having said that, you need to understand, this isn't a mistake and your actions can be supported..no matter what your reasons were.  Nothing wrong with breaking up but there is plenty wrong with cheating.  It doesn't just happen.  You made a conscious choice.  Because of it, your ex will have to live with that image of you with someone else, while he was still with you, believing he still had a relationship.  It may change him.  Make him skeptical and mistrusting and there will be nothing you can do to undo that damage, except leave him be.  It'll be up to him now to work it all out..all because you put him in that position to.  You'll have to live with that and that is precisely why you should think twice about doing things like this.   

Make it right for yourself by doing better in the future.  

- Beach

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by Beachead

[basil67]

17 hours ago, Londonbumpkin86 said:

He has become very spiteful and tried to break down the relationship I have with my parents.

As a parent, if someone tried this on my daughter following cheating, I'd do all I could to block him from our lives and protect her.  If I had to, I'd change all of our contact details and get CCTV at home.   Are your parents supporting you in the face of his crazy stalkery behaviour?

Edited November 29, 2020 by basil67