Blondegirl89 Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 So back on here again lol. So I’ve been seeing this guy for the last 8weeks, I was never head over heals about him and I’m still not. I really do like him and I know he likes me, he’s told me. It was going well up until I found out through a friend that he’s still active on dating apps. Now I’m not angry about it as we haven’t had an exclusivity talk but he did tell me he wasn’t dating anyone else. While I’m not angry about him being active on the dating sites I am concerned that if we continue dating and I do continue to like him more and more is 8 weeks long enough to ask if we are exclusive? He used to always text me good morning and goodnight, ask how I was and now he’s changed. He never texts good morning anymore. I know it’s only a small thing but I liked that he done it. Obviously I text him as well. He is very sweet when we are together. He will hold my hand walking down the road, he kisses me randomly on the forehead at times which I love. But when we aren’t together it’s a total different situation. He’s a nice guy, he wouldn’t be my normal type but I’m glad of that. He’s so much better in other ways compared to previous guys. He surprises me with my a hot chocolate from my favourite cafe in work when I’ve had a bad day. When he cuddles me, he doesn’t let go all night and as Cheesy as it sounds I feel safe. We took things slow at the start. Waited 3 weeks before sleeping with each other and since then we’ve spent a few weekends together etc. he’s met my friends, via a zoom call but still he met them and I’ve said a quick hello to his best friend over a video call. I suppose the fact that he is still active on dating sites and has been acting very distant the last week has me a little concerned. at 8 weeks of dating what can I expect or should expect from the guy I’m seeing? I know it’s not a super long time but part of me thinks he should know by now if he wants to continue with me etc Any advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: He used to always text me good morning and goodnight, ask how I was and now he’s changed. He never texts good morning anymore. But when we aren’t together it’s a total different situation. I suppose the fact that he is still active on dating sites and has been acting very distant the last week has me a little concerned. It's pretty obvious when things decline, that's your cue to end it. Your gut is telling you that now isn't it? And he does know, we all know, you know, I know......he's not all in. Edited November 28, 2020 by smackie9 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 If he’s still active on dating sites he’s not all in. I would give yourself a cutoff date of how long you will give before you expect exclusivity from him. At 8 weeks I would think you should be having “the talk” and he should be giving you more, not less. Most likely he is pursuing other options and that has his focus split. If you want an exclusive relationship then you may have to go elsewhere 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondegirl89 Posted November 28, 2020 Author Share Posted November 28, 2020 8 minutes ago, smackie9 said: It's pretty obvious when things decline, that's your cue to end it. Your gut is telling you that now isn't it? And he does know, we all know, you know, I know......he's not all in. I was hoping I was over thinking but thank you for your honest answer 🙂 I’m going to give him a 2/3 days to reach out and if I don’t hear anything in those days I’ll just move on I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 He's not that into you. I'd move on. There are plenty of men out there who'd love nothing more than to get to know a good woman and love her up right. I save my time and energy for those men. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondegirl89 Posted November 28, 2020 Author Share Posted November 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: He's not that into you. I'd move on. There are plenty of men out there who'd love nothing more than to get to know a good woman and love her up right. I save my time and energy for those men. Do you think there would be any point in asking him if he saw this progressing or not? He was only telling me what when his roommate goes home in December he wants me to come and stay a few nights etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 If you really want to ask that, it's your business, but he's making it abundantly clear with his behavior that it's casual for him. If he really liked you, he wouldn't be cruising dating sites for other women and he'd make sure you know he wants a solid future with you. When a man really cares about you, sees a future with you, loves you, you don't have to wonder and you don't have to push him toward it. It's undeniable. Don't you want that? This guy doesn't feel that way about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondegirl89 Posted November 28, 2020 Author Share Posted November 28, 2020 Sorry for the long questions it’s just I hate myself for falling for another dead end. I never planned on meeting him. He asked me out while in line at a coffee shop. I didn’t even like him but I invested time into him to give him a chance. I feel like such a fool now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 Feel bad and then let it go, move on. Be glad you didn't waste more time on this. You'll be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: I didn’t even like him but I invested time into him to give him a chance. I feel like such a fool now. This is what has me wondering if this is more of an ego-bruising than really being disappointed about him. Your post rather reads like you felt he was okay and enjoyed his attention, but weren't actually that excited about him as a person. Maybe he sensed that and has decided to explore other options? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 33 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: It was going well up until I found out through a friend that he’s still active on dating apps. Waited 3 weeks before sleeping with each other and since then we’ve spent a few weekends together etc. I suppose the fact that he is still active on dating sites and has been acting very distant the last week has me a little concerned. Sorry to hear this. Clarity is important such as exclusivity especially when you are intimate. Ask him directly if he's talking to or seeing others. See what his response is. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondegirl89 Posted November 28, 2020 Author Share Posted November 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is what has me wondering if this is more of an ego-bruising than really being disappointed about him. Your post rather reads like you felt he was okay and enjoyed his attention, but weren't actually that excited about him as a person. Maybe he sensed that and has decided to explore other options? No not at all, I wasn’t majorly interested at the start, I think I was just more concerned about being hurt to be honest but I ended up falling for him. I just don’t know now about it. I guess from all the responses the best thing to do is finish things Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 19 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: He asked me out while in line at a coffee shop. I didn’t even like him but I invested time into him to give him a chance. I feel like such a fool now. "I'm not head over heels for him".... "I didn't even like him"... You don't even sound that into this guy!! You both sound very lukewarm for each other. So if you're not a great match, let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 (edited) Hi Blondegirl, the time to ask for exclusivity is not when he's pulling away, giving less. Most know, including him, that doing so (when he's giving less) is a way to seek reassurance, which is needy and not something you want to convey to someone you're dating so early in. The best time to ask for exclusivity is when things are going well! And progressing naturally and organically. A mutual agreement to be exclusive is confirmation of that. >>"I’ve been seeing this guy for the last 8 weeks, I was never head over heals about him and I’m still not."<< Franky I'm confused why any of this is a concern as admittedly you're not even all that into him. Might be best to simply next and find a man you're excited about. Edited November 28, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 36 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: Do you think there would be any point in asking him if he saw this progressing or not? He was only telling me what when his roommate goes home in December he wants me to come and stay a few nights etc. Its been my experience that if a guy is into you then you will not have to ask! Especially early on. If you have to ask anything or if his interest is dropping off and HE’S not telling YOU what he wants with you..then he isnt sure yet or doesnt a relationship 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 14 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: No not at all, I wasn’t majorly interested at the start, I think I was just more concerned about being hurt to be honest but I ended up falling for him. I just don’t know now about it. I guess from all the responses the best thing to do is finish things Yes, based on what you've written about his level of interest it's rather low. I'd just end it and move forward with your life. He's not invested. Usually by the two month mark, you know if the other person's investing their time and energy into you or not. And, he doesn't appear to be doing that. So, the logical thing for you to do is just end things with him. Unless he has said to you, "I'd like to date you exclusively," by now, then he doesn't have any plans to do that. Don't drag this out. If you do drag it out, you're just torturing yourself with "what ifs" where there shouldn't be any. You don't need longer than two months to know if the other person is invested in being with you long term or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 l'm afraid the writings on the wall if your looking for the real thing , and you don't even feel that for him anyway . So unless your happy with some nothing casual thing , time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 (edited) He doesn’t sound that interested. You weren’t either. I think you made an error to date a guy you weren’t really attracted to but viewed as a “nice guy”. Most likely you just gave him a big head and he is on the dating apps trying pull with newfound confidence lol. Connection doesn’t sound like it is there. Edited November 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 He's using you until he meets someone he wants to commit to. You deserve better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Why are you wasting time with this guy? - you are not really into him. You just don't have a better prospect right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondegirl89 Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/28/2020 at 7:51 PM, ExpatInItaly said: 10 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Why are you wasting time with this guy? - you are not really into him. You just don't have a better prospect right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondegirl89 Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 I don’t think I phrased what I was saying right. When I say I wasn’t interested, didn’t like him etc it was because I wasn’t looking to meet anyone at the time, I had no interest in dating went on a few dates with him and we ended up clicking. anyway we had a chat and he told me he thought we where exclusive already. But now I’m wondering if he said that we where exclusive then why use dating apps. I’m not going to persue it anymore I just don’t know how to tell him that I know he’s hitting my friend up or should I just disappear leave him be? Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 35 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: I don’t think I phrased what I was saying right. When I say I wasn’t interested, didn’t like him etc it was because I wasn’t looking to meet anyone at the time, I had no interest in dating went on a few dates with him and we ended up clicking. anyway we had a chat and he told me he thought we where exclusive already. But now I’m wondering if he said that we where exclusive then why use dating apps. I’m not going to persue it anymore I just don’t know how to tell him that I know he’s hitting my friend up or should I just disappear leave him be? That's a little confusing bg! I would think he would have at least clarified the exclusivity. Some guys aren't as formal as to be like high school and ask you to be "boyfriend/girlfriend" but the way "the talk" happened in my relationship was when it was looking as though a relationship was forming I remember my boyfriend saying (around 8-9 weeks) basically I had met his kids (who are older) and I had met his family, he had met mine on facetime (they live far away) and we had agreed at that point to spend the next holiday together. I remember him saying something to the effect of.."I think a relationship is forming." And I responded "yep." Boom, we were a couple. I mean usually there is SOME indication or words exchanged to that effect. I could be wrong here of course but I think if he thought you were exclusive then why would he still be on a dating site and trying to purse others? If I were you I would want to know the answer to that one. Why use the dating apps and pursue others and why not say anything to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/28/2020 at 2:15 PM, Blondegirl89 said: , I was never head over heals about him and I’m still not Link to post Share on other sites
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