My boyfriend acts miserable and dry lately. Is this how it is when the honeymoon stage is over?

[smackie9]

He won't tell you what's wrong because he knows it's something that you won't/don't want to hear. Stop trying to rescue him....that isn't part of being in a relationship. He needs to "change" and get his crap together on his own. The happiness you once had with him, is now just a carrot on a stick you keep chasing...

Edited November 29, 2020 by smackie9

[kendahke]

14 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

He acts lovingly but he’s ALWAYS in a bad mood. Always having money troubles. 
and as far as her, she shouldn’t have texted him that she was happy for him. That was vindictiveness on her part 

Felons usually do have on going money problems.

No, she should have said that to him.  She did exactly right--nailed the door shut with you and him inside and she can go live her best life.

She needed to cut him off at the knees to stop bringing his vindictiveness to her. That's what you do when you're done with someone's childish bulls***.

[Michelemayor]

18 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Stop trying to rescue him....that isn't part of being in a relationship.

I do think that being there for someone is a part of a relationship tho 

[Michelemayor]

16 minutes ago, kendahke said:

Felons usually do have on going money problems.

No, she should have said that to him.  She did exactly right--nailed the door shut with you and him inside and she can go live her best life.

She needed to cut him off at the knees to stop bringing his vindictiveness to her. That's what you do when you're done with someone's childish bulls***.

The context was rude tho. It didn’t seem like she was being friendly. He sent it to me and we were saying how rude she was. 

It said like hey I’m in the happiest place I’ve ever been and looking back you and I weren’t worth it! I have so much peace in my life now! I’m happy for you  God Bless you! 
 

I mean that’s not verbatim but I feel like she was putting him down

[smackie9]

8 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

I do think that being there for someone is a part of a relationship tho 

Not when they are carrying so much preexisting baggage and instability. Remember he openly admitted using her while he was in jail for his own benefit....he's doing the same with you. His life is a mess because of him, not because he's had bad luck. Until he realizes this, he will never change...in fact "being there for him" will only enable his lack of ability to straighten out his life. You are not doing him any favors, nor is he for you.

Edited November 29, 2020 by smackie9

[kendahke]

36 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

I mean that’s not verbatim but I feel like she was putting him down

no, she was telling him that the door is nailed shut with you and him in the room, she's really good now that his jailbird behind is out of her life and that she wishes him the best of luck with his scam he's running on you, but she's on to living her best life now. 

Here's the thing, though: he deserved to hear that. His feelings are not her concern or responsibility.  His actions led him to where he finds himself today; how he treated her is what directly led to what she said to him. It's not like he was some half wit, nincompoop who got caught up in circumstances out of his control.  You said and I quote:
 

Quote

He told me, his family and all of his friends that he NEVER dated her. Only slept with her.

That she wanted more and he didn’t.
he only didn’t make it official with her because he talked so much crap about her that he would’ve looked like a liar if he did date her.

Quote

In the past He tried to keep her around in secret like through all of his relationships.
He was in jail for like 6 months for something dumb he did with friends. That girl was the only one there for him and writing him letters and he wrote her as well.
He told me he used her because he had no one else but said he did feel bad.

Quote

she sent him a text one day saying she realized they were never meant to be. That she Wished she’d known sooner and was happy for him.
Immediately after he told me about the post , he went live on Facebook looking all sad. He was playing music but he looked so miserable lol. Like you could see it in his eyes.

Quote

He just seems unhappy. He barely has friends. The ones he has are fake. They all talk bad about each other.
All of his ex’s literally hate him.

Gee, I wonder why?
Looks like you're stuck with the booby prize.

Edited November 29, 2020 by kendahke

[Michelemayor]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

He is in love with that girl and now realises he probably has lost her for good, hence the misery and sadness.
He is grieving for her.

^^^ This is about her..
He didn't tag you deliberately as it has nothing to do with you.

He does not love her. He never claimed her as his girl 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Michelemayor said:

I do think that being there for someone is a part of a relationship tho 

Not when they’re not a decent person, OP. 

You make too many excuses for this dope. 

[Michelemayor]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Not when they’re not a decent person, OP. 

You make too many excuses for this dope. 

I’m trying not to. But it just sucks 😞

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

He does not love her.

Well of course he's telling you that---that's what he's telling you to get sex out of you. He's smart enough to not blow up the candy shack. You honestly think he'd admit to you that he actually loves her?

Do you know when some people find out they love someone? When the person has left and moved on with their lives.

Quote

He never claimed her as his girl 

His behavior says otherwise. It's not in line with someone who didn't give a rat's ass about her... no one mopes around for someone they didn't want around. No one sane, that is.

Like I said above: the opposite of love is indifference. If he was indifferent to her, this thread wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be playing sad songs and writing sappy memes, purposely leaving your name out of it, hoping she'll read them on social media.

Edited November 30, 2020 by kendahke

[Noproblem]

6 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

So what about when he used to comment on all my pics, was that to annoy her then?  And when he would tell me I was beautiful? Was she listening? 

No to fool you of course! You attract more flies with honey!

[basil67]

10 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

He was in jail for like 6 months for something dumb he did with friends.

He didn't do "something dumb" with his friends.  He choose to commit a criminal act which was so significant that he was sentenced to jail time and then ongoing home detention.  We're not talking about shoplifting a pair of socks.   

You will never see your way out of this while you're down playing not only the unpleasant stuff, but also the downright criminal stuff.

[deepthinking]

OP.  Just think about dating no longer caught up - there was a time that you never  even knew this guy -  and now it is time to have fun again.  

Edited November 30, 2020 by deepthinking

[Wiseman2]

Have you heard of "Hybristophilia"?

Google it.

You seem to be in a mental catfight over him, with the other women he's using.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

I’m trying not to. But it just sucks 😞

Unfortunately, this is what you get when you date low-quality men. 

You need higher standards for the men you choose to let in your life. This guy wouldn't have even made my "maybe" list. 

[elaine567]

10 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

He does not love her. He never claimed her as his girl 

You are in love with a guy who does not love you, that is the bottom line...
it is all very well to "be there " for him, but you are wasting your time if his heart is elsewhere.
 

[Michelemayor]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Unfortunately, this is what you get when you date low-quality men. 

You need higher standards for the men you choose to let in your life. This guy wouldn't have even made my "maybe" list. 

I met him with my coworkers. One of them talked him up. He’s such a great guy he’s so handsome. And then I felt wined and dined because he was doing things for me like building the vanity and posting how I make his life happy. He has so much charisma and is so friendly and funny at first. It’s hard to see all of this! 

[Michelemayor]

42 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You are in love with a guy who does not love you, that is the bottom line...
it is all very well to "be there " for him, but you are wasting your time if his heart is elsewhere.
 

How could he love her if he says all the time “I hate her” “she’s a stalker” “she’s evil” “she’s toxic” his mother literally told him he was being disobedient to God if he kept seeing her behind her back!

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Michelemayor said:

How could he love her if he says all the time “I hate her” “she’s a stalker” “she’s evil” “she’s toxic” his mother literally told him he was being disobedient to God if he kept seeing her behind her back!

As someone already said the opposite of love is not hate.
Hate indicates feelings.
It is also in his best interests to tell you he hates her.
He is never going to tell YoU he loves her, he needs you atm.
He is telling you what you want to hear.

[ExpatInItaly]

14 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

I met him with my coworkers. One of them talked him up. He’s such a great guy he’s so handsome. And then I felt wined and dined because he was doing things for me like building the vanity and posting how I make his life happy. He has so much charisma and is so friendly and funny at first. It’s hard to see all of this! 

You need to learn to identify signs of a love-bomber, especially with the information you gathered about his criminal past and the way he treated this woman. 

There are significant red flags about this individual. 

[smackie9]

5 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

I met him with my coworkers. One of them talked him up. He’s such a great guy he’s so handsome. He has so much charisma and is so friendly ........

That's what women thought when they met Ted Bundy

[Atwood]

Imagine you have a young child who you love and adore completely. Or think about a relative or friend who you love and care about very much. Would you be happy with them dating someone like the guy you're dating? Would you introduce your daughter or son to him as a potential partner? Or anybody? 

It sounds to me like you already feel duped. 

Give yourself permission to want better for yourself. You're accepting this guy because you think this is all you deserve, but it isn't. You deserve to be loved fully in the way you are trying to love him. You can't meet someone better who will treat you better whilst you're with this guy. Drop him and move on. You will be just like his ex girlfriends - better off and happier without him. 

Edited November 30, 2020 by Atwood

[Michelemayor]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

That's what women thought when they met Ted Bundy

Lol now that’s just not fair 

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Michelemayor said:

Lol now that’s just not fair 

My example means.....just because they seem great and are charming doesn't always make them a good person.

[trident_2020]

Judge him for who he is now rather than who he was 10 years ago because he's changed?

He's under house arrest NOW.