My boyfriend acts miserable and dry lately. Is this how it is when the honeymoon stage is over?

[notbroken]

Why do you want to be someone that needs to 'change' to be a good person?  Why not find someone that already is?   This guy is bad news.  He's under house arrest.  I'm guessing that isn't because he was helping little old ladies cross the street.   The law, exes, etc all think the guy is bad.  Believe them.  It's not all 'on them'.  It's him.   Not worth risking your heart and future any more for him.  

[ThereSheGoes]

In the words of Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost: You in danger, girl.

 

Leave this man alone. That woman means more to him than he lets on. He's ashamed of her, but he loves her. Who wants to be with someone like that? His life is in shambles, he's in love with someone else, leave it alone.

[Michelemayor]

9 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

 

 

Leave this man alone. That woman means more to him than he lets on. He's ashamed of her, but he loves her. Who wants to be with someone like that? His life is in shambles, he's in love with someone else, leave it alone.

It’s hard to believe that.... not trying to be naive but according to him and others he chose to be with someone else more than once over her. A man would do that just cause he’s “ashamed”? Why risk someone not being in your life? 

[Michelemayor]

13 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

Judge him for who he is now rather than who he was 10 years ago because he's changed?

He's under house arrest NOW.

 

I really don’t know why he posted that honestly. I only know right before she posted that she sleeps better at night but didn’t reference him. So idk how that could’ve made him mad. Other than that to my knowledge I body said anything to him about being a bad person.  I really dk why he posted that.

[ExpatInItaly]

Regardless of how he feels about this other woman, he's showing you very clearly that he's not that into you anymore. 

He also openly admits that he mistreated her. 

He's also recently been in jail. 

Is this really your best option for guys to date? 

[d0nnivain]

On 11/29/2020 at 3:25 PM, Michelemayor said:

 He said I make his life completely happy. I don’t feel like I do 😞

It's not your job to make him happy.  If he's not happy, that is on him not you.  You can't make another person happy. 

Yes you can be kind & loving to someone.  That is part of a good relationship.  It adds to an already established foundation.  That foundation is what is missing here in him. 

   

On 11/29/2020 at 3:36 PM, Michelemayor said:

Always having money troubles. 

And he always will.  Convicted felons have a hard time finding work.  Many places including fast food disqualify them.   He on house arrest now.  How exactly do you think he's going to make money from home even in this Covid environment? 

  

On 11/29/2020 at 4:09 PM, Michelemayor said:

I do think that being there for someone is a part of a relationship tho 

It is.  But how is he there for you?  He's always in a bad mood.  He is hung up on another girl.  All that trash he talks about her is a cover.  He doesn't want anybody to know how much he cares.  He's on house arrest & can't take you on a date.  You always have to go there.  He had money problems & always will.  

I'm sorry to say this because it's going to hurt you to read, but he's only with you because he doesn't have other choices.  You are foolish enough to date him despite his flaws.  Other smarter women steer clear of him.  He's damaged goods who brings nothing to the table except maybe his handsome face.  

So why are you sticking around?  As soon as he's free again & has other choices, I predict he will dump you or at least cheat on you.  Spare yourself months of heartache & get out now.  

[notbroken]

Aim higher than him.  It seems you keep justifying why he is like he is in an effort for it to be 'ok'.    You won't have a bright future with him.  We can tell you that he's great, etc - but it just isn't true.  Be smart.  Move on. 

[trident_2020]

5 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

I really don’t know why he posted that honestly.

Doesn't matter why he posted that he's under house arrest, what matters is that he IS under house arrest. Which means he hasn't changed from being the guy who was in jail 20 years ago.

 

[kendahke]

On 11/30/2020 at 11:49 AM, Michelemayor said:

Lol now that’s just not fair 

oh, it's quite fair and to the point.  Dangerous men who look like Ted Bundy or "Dirty John" can also be handsome... they don't have to look like John Berkowitz to be dangerous.

[Michelemayor]

On 12/1/2020 at 9:43 AM, d0nnivain said:

 

So why are you sticking around?  As soon as he's free again & has other choices, I predict he will dump you or at least cheat on you.  Spare yourself months of heartache & get out now.  

I spoke to him about her and he said “if I wanted her, I would be calling and texting her. I didn’t even message her back when she said she’s happy for me” 

he showed me where she blocked him on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. And his phone number is blocked. HE has her blocked on what’sapp. He blocked her on what’sapp after she found out about me. So he if he misses her so much wouldn’t he reach out? 

[d0nnivain]

I still think he's lying to you about what he wants from her but even if you are right & he doesn't want her, my Q stands:  why are you sticking around when he's so awful?  

[Michelemayor]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

I still think he's lying to you about what he wants from her but even if you are right & he doesn't want her, my Q stands:  why are you sticking around when he's so awful?  

I just feel like he’s depressed about his life. I feel like he’s trying to change. I feel bad.

 And it seems like since I pointed out that there’s been no contact initiated to her from him  that your are leaning more towards me being correct about him not wanting her.

[basil67]

OK, perhaps you've painted a picture which is too grim.  As you're staying with him, there must be a whole lot of great qualities which keep you around.  Perhaps it would help if you told us about all the things he does which make you feel loved and valued.   And the parts of the relationship which you'd miss terribly if you were to leave.

[d0nnivain]

5 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

I just feel like he’s depressed about his life. I feel like he’s trying to change. I feel bad.

Don't stay with a man out of pity.  

[ThereSheGoes]

On 12/1/2020 at 5:20 AM, Michelemayor said:

It’s hard to believe that.... not trying to be naive but according to him and others he chose to be with someone else more than once over her. A man would do that just cause he’s “ashamed”? Why risk someone not being in your life? 

 

Why do men continuously cheat on their wives, yet still stay with their wives because 'they love them'?  He obviously thinks this woman is beneath him, yet he stayed.

Being on House Arrest sounds like a perfect reason to be depressed, moody and withdrawn. But, TO ME, it sounds like he's also mourning the end of his relationship with this person.

[Michelemayor]

3 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said:

But, TO ME, it sounds like he's also mourning the end of his relationship with this person.

Ok so why not try and contact her. Granted she has him blocked like every where but HE blocked her on WhatsApp! He could contact her if he wanted

[Michelemayor]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

OK, perhaps you've painted a picture which is too grim.  As you're staying with him, there must be a whole lot of great qualities which keep you around.  Perhaps it would help if you told us about all the things he does which make you feel loved and valued.   And the parts of the relationship which you'd miss terribly if you were to leave.

Tbh honest he’s really handsome. I don’t consider myself that attractive. I always wondered why he liked me. He used to make me feel like a QUEEN in the beginning. He built me that vanity and then posted it. I felt so loved. The ex I’m referring to. She’s freaking gorgeous.  I was there the night he told her he was choosing ME over her. It made me feel good. This gorgeous woman and he chose ME.  And he and I were like bestfriends. 
He told her in front of me “nobody knows how to make me as angry as you” and he ALWAYS says he hates her. He told her that I make him laugh and that he doesn’t think about his horrible life with me. She lectured him a lot he said.  I looked at her profile and she seems like a positive person. There’s always someone commenting to her that she has a big heart. So I am now wondering why did he hate her? Why DOES his family hate her? 

[ThereSheGoes]

7 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

Ok so why not try and contact her. Granted she has him blocked like every where but HE blocked her on WhatsApp! He could contact her if he wanted

 

Who says he hasn't. It's not that hard to unblock then block someone.

I know, it's hard. You really like someone, things seem to be going well, and then suddenly....there's a very obvious disruption and you don't know where it came from. But unfortunately, it's just part of how this thing works. If you really want to, ride it out. See if he either A. Comes out of the funk, or B. Tells you the truth.

Edited December 2, 2020 by ThereSheGoes

[Michelemayor]

Just now, ThereSheGoes said:

 

Who says he hasn't. It's not that hard to unblock then block someone.

 

Ok confession....so I asked her. Yesterday fb dm. She said she hasn’t spoke to him and doesn’t care to. And I liked begged her not to mention me asking and she said she didn’t care to talk to him.  She wasn’t rude but she had this “i don’t care” attitude. Not gonna lie it was a relief. 

[d0nnivain]

Why was it a relief?  This has never been about what she wants.  It's about what he wants.  If he's still hung up on her, what have you got?  A miserable man who is settling for you.  Have higher standards for yourself.  

[Michelemayor]

2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Why was it a relief?  This has never been about what she wants.  It's about what he wants.  If he's still hung up on her, what have you got?  A miserable man who is settling for you.  Have higher standards for yourself.  

You didn’t even acknowledge that he hasn’t tried to contact her tho?

[ThereSheGoes]

8 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

You didn’t even acknowledge that he hasn’t tried to contact her tho?

 

 

Girl.

Girl.

GIRL.

Catch a grip!! Oooh chile, whhhhhy did you contact her? All you showed her was that you were insecure as all get out. You cancelled your moment of being chosen, by showing her that you are intimidated by her and afraid she's gonna steal your man. Of COURSE she responded the way she did. You told her SO much in that move.

My thing is, if a man is making you this shaky and insecure, run. He ain't the one. Run far far far.

Edited December 2, 2020 by ThereSheGoes

[basil67]

25 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

Tbh honest he’s really handsome. I don’t consider myself that attractive. I always wondered why he liked me. He used to make me feel like a QUEEN in the beginning. He built me that vanity and then posted it. I felt so loved. The ex I’m referring to. She’s freaking gorgeous.  I was there the night he told her he was choosing ME over her. It made me feel good. This gorgeous woman and he chose ME.  And he and I were like bestfriends. 
 

This is all past tense.  What are all the positives in the relationship now?   How does he make you feel loved and valued now?

[Michelemayor]

4 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said:

 

 

Girl.

Girl.

GIRL.

Catch a grip!! Oooh chile, whhhhhy did you contact her? All you showed her was that you were insecure as all get out. You cancelled your moment of being chosen, by showing her that you are intimidated by her and afraid she's gonna steal your man. Of COURSE she responded the way she did. You told her SO much in that move.

My thing is, if a man is making you this shaky and insecure, run. He ain't the one. Run far far far.

I reached out because I wanted the truth. Why do you guys keep referring to him like he’s hers?  THEY BOTH said they don’t talk. And also I want to know why you’re saying she responded as if she didn’t care?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Michelemayor said:

I reached out because I wanted the truth. Why do you guys keep referring to him like he’s hers?  THEY BOTH said they don’t talk. And also I want to know why you’re saying she responded as if she didn’t care?

If she was insignificant in his life, you wouldn't spend so much time focusing on her.   For example,  I asked you to tell us about the good parts of the relationship, the parts which make you stay.  I mentioned nothing about her, yet half of your response was about her. 

Why are you focusing on her if you genuinely feel she's no threat?