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My boyfriend acts miserable and dry lately. Is this how it is when the honeymoon stage is over?

Michelemayor

By Michelemayor,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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flitzanu

flitzanu

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is this where we tell you that you should stick with this guy, that he sounds like a real catch and you should marry him?  it sounds like you don't actually want any advice, and that you are just waiting for someone to tell you that he's great and you should marry him and ignore everything awful that has spanned three pages now.

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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27 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

is this where we tell you that you should stick with this guy, that he sounds like a real catch and you should marry him?  it sounds like you don't actually want any advice, and that you are just waiting for someone to tell you that he's great and you should marry him and ignore everything awful that has spanned three pages now.

Well nobody really answers anything. I asked several times how could be in love with a person he NEVER attempts to talk to. Just because she blocked him? If someone wants to talk they will find a way. It’s like people just keep telling me over and over he loves someone else but nobody can answer that. 
Also like isn’t it ok to be sad some days? His life isn’t ideal. I just feel he gets extra judgment because of his situation

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kendahke

kendahke

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On 12/2/2020 at 5:38 PM, Michelemayor said:

Ok confession....so I asked her. Yesterday fb dm. She said she hasn’t spoke to him and doesn’t care to. And I liked begged her not to mention me asking and she said she didn’t care to talk to him.  She wasn’t rude but she had this “i don’t care” attitude. Not gonna lie it was a relief. 

The opposite of love is indifference. She's the one not checking for him. Her response is exactly how someone acts when they've moved on, past anger to indifference. They aren't still:

Quote

live on Facebook looking all sad.

playing music but he looked so miserable

doesn’t post anything. Just himself always looking miserable on his lives or inspirational quote or bible post.

deleted his entire Instagram and made a new private one and now only post inspirational quotes. 
He just seems unhappy

None of this should be going on were he over her and had moved on before you. Not moody, unhappy, sad, miserable, emotional. That's too much acting out for him to not be over her.

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kendahke

kendahke

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6 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

Well nobody really answers anything. I asked several times how could be in love with a person he NEVER attempts to talk to. Just because she blocked him? If someone wants to talk they will find a way. It’s like people just keep telling me over and over he loves someone else but nobody can answer that. 
Also like isn’t it ok to be sad some days? His life isn’t ideal. I just feel he gets extra judgment because of his situation

I'm getting a deja' vu feeling...

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kendahke

kendahke

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6 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

If someone wants to talk they will find a way. It’s like people just keep telling me over and over he loves someone else but nobody can answer that. 

That electronic ankle shackle he's wearing is what's stopping him from showing up in her face to ask her why. I'm guessing he's not keen on finding his liberty being restricted exponentially by leaving the house?

You assume a lot about him.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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10 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

Well nobody really answers anything. I asked several times how could be in love with a person he NEVER attempts to talk to. 

What did he say when you asked him? Did he avoid the conversation?

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What did he say when you asked him? Did he avoid the conversation?

He literally said what I keep saying. “If I loved her, I’d be calling and texting her and trying to see her”

she lives a city away tho 

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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19 hours ago, LynneVicious said:

Op 

could you give the ages of everyone involved so I can get a better picture of it?

I’m 27. By Man is 32. The Ex is 29

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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12 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

. “If I loved her, I’d be calling and texting her and trying to see her”

she lives a city away tho 

Isn't he on house arrest/parole? How does this statement even make sense?

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Isn't he on house arrest/parole? How does this statement even make sense?

You know you can call someone and they can come see you? Where she lives is only like 40 minutes away. She lives like in a big city and he and I live in a small town that surrounds it 

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elaine567

elaine567

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She seems to be over him, so why would she bother coming to see him?
She may not be even answering his calls./texts...
He knows that so has given up trying.
Doesn't mean he is not grieving for her though...

Even if he is over her, which personally I do not believe,  it still leaves you with a grumpy, miserable, unhappy man who is no fun to be around.
Sometimes life is too short.
At 27 you should be having fun.

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

She seems to be over him, so why would she bother coming to see him?
She may not be even answering his calls./texts...
He knows that so has given up trying.
Doesn't mean he is not grieving for her though...

Even if he is over her, which personally I do not believe,  it still leaves you with a grumpy, miserable, unhappy man who is no fun to be around.
Sometimes life is too short.
At 27 you should be having fun.

She blocked his number.....and he showed me where she blocked him on all social media EXCEPT he has her blocked on WhatsApp... but wouldn’t he just unblock her there and message her.... it’s just weird. Or maybe her “I’m happy for you” message made him not try. Ugh idk 

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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12 minutes ago, Michelemayor said:

 he showed me where she blocked him on all social media EXCEPT he has her blocked on WhatsApp... 

Why is he showing you that? Or trying to prove to you nothing is going on with them?

Have you asked him what his social media musings mean?

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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You're being played. This other girl, who probably started out much like you're doing now and continued on like that wasting 7 years of her life, is merely a distraction for you. Seems she finally escaped, and hopefully for your sake, you'll soon be on her heels

You think you're being a good friend, girlfriend, etc but what is really happening here is this guy is hoisting all his own crap onto you while giving very little in return.

While your laboring to carry his figurative box of rocks uphill, he's standing behind you empty handed with a snide grin thinking how he duped you. Don't be a fool. You're getting used just like the other girl. Stop obsessing on her. She was more victim than perpetrator and probably a lot more like you than you realize or want to realize. 

This guy is not good for you. Lots of heartache ahead with this one. You can't save him from himself so why are you desperately pursuing that rescue mission?

Edited by HadMeOverABarrel
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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why is he showing you that? Or trying to prove to you nothing is going on with them?

Have you asked him what his social media musings mean?

Yeah he was showing me cause I was saying I don’t believe they don’t talk 

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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Ok so I had an epiphany this morning! I think I figured it out. So from his friends and family I learned that he talked ALOT of crap about her called her a stalker, crazy and wayyyy more awful things!  They said she literally blocked anyone associated with him!So from what I see he WOULDN’T contact her because she could expose him as a complete liar! So someone here said “he loves her and is ashamed of it” I can’t remember which one of you guys put that but that makes sense! And now that she doesn’t seem to care about him or anyone else he spread rumors about her too maybe he’s miserable! I asked him last night “is the only reason you’re not with her because you would look stupid for talking crap about her?” And he paused and said “it doesn’t matter what it is”  l. Idk I wonder if that’s a far fetched theory!! The only thing that doesn’t make sense is I was there when he told her he was gonna be with me and all he could offer her was friendship and she said pretty much she didn’t want to be friends.... why talk so harshly to someone if you secretly want to be with them!

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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It's unclear why you can't get straight answers from him.

You seem to be interrogating everyone about everything because you are obsessed with her. Why is that?

Unfortunately when your romance reads more like an episode of Criminal Minds than a relationship with honest straight forward communication, you've got some reflecting to do.

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear why you can't get straight answers from him.

You seem to be interrogating everyone about everything because you are obsessed with her. Why is that?

Unfortunately when your romance reads more like an episode of Criminal Minds than a relationship with honest straight forward communication, you've got some reflecting to do.

I agree he says he doesn’t want to speak about her and that she’s poison. This blows

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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Just now, Michelemayor said:

. This blows

You're right about that!. Maybe it's time to end it so you can find a more compatible open honest guy.

This house-arrest guy is just too much work. Too shifty and moody.

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Fair

Fair

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People don't change. They might become more or less of who they are, but they don't change. 

 

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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He posted a pic of us today on his private Instagram that said “to find your perfect relationship you have to first learn to enjoy your own company” was that not a sweet gesture?

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Michelemayor

Michelemayor

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I mean he’s been OK. Just kind of quiet. Still treating me like a gf. But posted old videos of himself before he went to prison and then he post that with that quote “you have to love your own company before you find the perfect relationship”

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basil67

basil67

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9 hours ago, Michelemayor said:

He posted a pic of us today on his private Instagram that said “to find your perfect relationship you have to first learn to enjoy your own company” was that not a sweet gesture?

Which part of it was sweet?  It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t enjoy his own company, so therefore is unable to have the perfect relationship.

also, the perfect relationship doesn’t exist

 

Edited by basil67
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