Negotaurus Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Long story short, ex cheated and abused me in disgusting ways. I’ve been happily moving on, I don’t think about him, I don’t care anymore. Now. When he left, he decided to leave stuff around that I gifted him. He didn’t throw them out or take them, no, he left them in my apartment (he did something similar with an ex - it was a pathetic attempt at a message that he “doesn’t care anymore”). It’s manipulative and just weird. I sent him a rant, told him to toss his crap next time and blocked him. Today I received a package from him. He now decided to send back some intimate birthday letters, random notes I left to him, expressing my love etc. Attached was a letter where he replied to my rant in an “I am above it” way, which is very rich after everything he did. He claimed these things hold “sentimental value” to him. It’s interesting because the expensive gifts apparently don’t. And for heaven’s sake, throw them out then. You know? Toss that crap! Why send it back to ME. WHY. I admit, I am not hurt per se but my ego definitely is. He is still trying to manipulate me, it bothers me to no end that people think I am this stupid. I hate the idea that he thinks he has “won”. No, I did. I’ve made it to a good place. I made it through his abuse. I’ve been happy. I won. Not him. He is an abuser, a cheater. A liar. And he thinks he is “better”. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself well here. My ego took a big blow, I know I will forget about this, too, but right now I just hate it. I hate that people do bad things and then are delusional enough to think they are “above it”. What is this. How should I go about this. As you can see, it is really bothering me. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Ego sometimes gets in your way to move on. Set everything aside and ask yourself does it matters if he thinks he "won" ? To me it looks like another cheap attempt to have your reaction or to provoke you. You've been doing good and would be better if you dont reply to him in anyway. Let him be the winner and bigger person nothing would change. You both are separate individuals now and on different paths, focus on your own healing because at the end of the day you will have yourself only. Some people are like him always pulling others down by their cheap tactics, but trust me they are unhappy with themselves and spread negative energy everywhere they never have peace with themselves. Pack the stuff he returned and keep somewhere you cant see it. Better if you dispose in garbage. Keep going on after a week or so you wont be bothered by this. As its not a big deal you know. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 7 hours ago, Negotaurus said: He is still trying to manipulate me Bingo. 7 hours ago, Negotaurus said: How should I go about this. As you can see, it is really bothering me. Try not to allow him to "take up space uninvited in your head". This triggering just clouds your thinking and makes moving on less easy. It's done, he no longer exists/might as well be on another planet. Easier said than done, but it's very helpful. Do what you feel is appropriate with the stuff he sent back to you (without your permission/consent). Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 What's the issue? He left stuff in your apartment, no big deal... Bin them, or give them away, or leave them where they are or put them in a box in the attic... Same with this collection of stuff he has sent you. Bin them, or put them with the rest of your stuff, or give them away or put them in a box in the attic. Its over, he has nothing to do with you any longer. Stop making this a power struggle. He probably now doesn't give a damn, why would he? YOU are the one who is wallowing in this. He is tying up loose ends and is getting rid of you for good... This is the nature of break ups. You grieve, you heal, you move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 He's probably waiting for a response. Don't give him one. You win. Sell the valuable stuff on Ebay, that's another win. Give away or throw away the rest. Game over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Get rid of it all. The stuff he sent you, and all the gifts that he left in your place. Get every single thing that's attached to him out of your apartment... give it away, put it all in a box and bring it to a thrift store, whatever. He's trying to manipulate you and get under your skin. No reason to let it succeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Severing everything should be the main thrust here, however you can do it. Tell him to collect his stuff by zxy date. You can after a given time dispose of it as you see fit. One of the most important things in severing is blocking and deleting him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. This is for your own peace of mind to avoid unwanted contact or intrusions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 14 hours ago, TeddyBundy1993 said: Ego sometimes gets in your way to move on. Set everything aside and ask yourself does it matters if he thinks he "won" ? To me it looks like another cheap attempt to have your reaction or to provoke you. You've been doing good and would be better if you dont reply to him in anyway. Let him be the winner and bigger person nothing would change. You both are separate individuals now and on different paths, focus on your own healing because at the end of the day you will have yourself only. Some people are like him always pulling others down by their cheap tactics, but trust me they are unhappy with themselves and spread negative energy everywhere they never have peace with themselves. Pack the stuff he returned and keep somewhere you cant see it. Better if you dispose in garbage. Keep going on after a week or so you wont be bothered by this. As its not a big deal you know. I want to say that I feel a lot better now. It took me a few hours to forget about it all, in the moment I was just really pissed off. My pride and ego got a very big blow after the ordeal with him, this bizarre "tactic" was just another blow but I won't let it affect me too much. I've thrown it all away. What on earth was he thinking. The items he sent me back were once very pure, loving and innocent. Little did I know, nothing about HIM was pure. I'm still pissed off because I know exactly what he was trying to do. It pisses me off that this is a pattern in my life - people treat me badly and then act as if I am "weak", "crazy" and what not. I wanted it to be over already. I just wanted him and everything about him out of my life. 12 hours ago, mark clemson said: Bingo. Try not to allow him to "take up space uninvited in your head". This triggering just clouds your thinking and makes moving on less easy. It's done, he no longer exists/might as well be on another planet. Easier said than done, but it's very helpful. Do what you feel is appropriate with the stuff he sent back to you (without your permission/consent). It's aaall in the trash outside in the cold! 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: What's the issue? He left stuff in your apartment, no big deal... Bin them, or give them away, or leave them where they are or put them in a box in the attic... Same with this collection of stuff he has sent you. Bin them, or put them with the rest of your stuff, or give them away or put them in a box in the attic. Its over, he has nothing to do with you any longer. Stop making this a power struggle. He probably now doesn't give a damn, why would he? YOU are the one who is wallowing in this. He is tying up loose ends and is getting rid of you for good... This is the nature of break ups. You grieve, you heal, you move on. I know for a fact that he gives a damn based off of how he's acting - he is still trying to insert himself into my life, he has always been a manipulator, although a terrible one. I hate that people so often think they can just do this to me, which is why I went on this quite pitiful rant. I have my pride for good reason, I've worked hard, I've loved very deeply and protected the ones around me. He, he lies, hurts, cheats, kicks and punches, and he still pokes up his ugly head and says "Hey look, you're nothing". In the letter he attached he obviously ranted about how he has tried to be "decent" and overall is glad to be rid of me. Last sentence was "Don't write me pls". I haven't talked to that loser in weeks, I haven't cared! The thought of him makes me sick. I'm so tired of it. I really have tried to be good. Why say such things to me. 5 hours ago, trident_2020 said: He's probably waiting for a response. Don't give him one. You win. Sell the valuable stuff on Ebay, that's another win. Give away or throw away the rest. Game over. The valuable stuff he kept, which is rather ironic :') 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Severing everything should be the main thrust here, however you can do it. Tell him to collect his stuff by zxy date. You can after a given time dispose of it as you see fit. One of the most important things in severing is blocking and deleting him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. This is for your own peace of mind to avoid unwanted contact or intrusions. I haven't talked to him in WEEKS, I have been seeing someone else, baked 2kg of gingerbread cookies the other night. I've genuinely been happy. He tries to poison it! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 33 minutes ago, Negotaurus said: He tries to poison it! And you let him do it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: And you let him do it... For some hours yesterday, I really did let him, yes. I'm still bothered by it because it's just so messed up to simply want to hurt the other. But my happiness belongs to me and he won't get anywhere near it. Edited December 1, 2020 by Negotaurus Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 38 minutes ago, Negotaurus said: I haven't talked to him in WEEKS,. He tries to poison it! How can he "poison" anything if he is blocked and deleted from ALL your social media and messaging apps? If he's bothering you in ways that circumvent your blocking, get a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 Just now, Wiseman2 said: How can he "poison" anything if he is blocked and deleted from ALL your social media and messaging apps? If he's bothering you in ways that circumvent your blocking, get a restraining order. By sending me packages with things that were once pure and intimate, then attaching a shameful letter to that crap! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Why was it shameful? You said you sent him "a rant" and he replied in an "I am above it" kind of a way, which is what tends to happen when you send rants to people... You lost it Don't do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 18 minutes ago, Negotaurus said: By sending me packages with things that were once pure and intimate, then attaching a shameful letter to that crap! Toss the poison letter and box up the rest for the attic. Close this chapter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Why was it shameful? You said you sent him "a rant" and he replied in an "I am above it" kind of a way, which is what tends to happen when you send rants to people... You lost it Don't do that again. It was shameful because it was disgustingly manipulative and another attempt at gaslighting me. THAT is shameful, it will always be shameful to me. My rant was for my sake, it wasn't manipulative or senseless. I mainly told him to toss out his crap next time instead of trying to manipulate me with it. No, he didn't just "leave his stuff", it was very planned out on his end. Just ridiculous. His lovely letter was an attempt to hurt me and not much else. Edited December 1, 2020 by Negotaurus Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 (edited) I am just so sick and tired of people being so full of it and then telling me there's something wrong with me. I take it personally since it's been happening my entire life, which is why I get so riled up over this. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. He sent some crap back to his ex to "show her he is over her". Mind you, that was shortly after he tried to cheat on me with her, too. He basically begged her to meet him and give things another go. He is doing the same with me. He wrote me all about how he doesn't care about me anymore, but I've learned a few things: 1. If they go on rants about how honest they are, they're not. 2. If they go on rants about how they are not a cheater and could never ever cheat, they will. 3. If they go on rants about how much they don't care anymore, best believe, you're all they bloody think about. Edited December 1, 2020 by Negotaurus Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 You need to let it go. There is no magical place where "bad people" get their comeuppance and the "good people" get to feel happy and satisfied. The best you can do is to block and ignore and get on wit it. It is your life you are wasting, stop doing it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 Just now, elaine567 said: You need to let it go. There is no magical place where "bad people" get their comeuppance and the "good people" get to feel happy and satisfied. The best you can do is to block and ignore and get on wit it. It is your life you are wasting, stop doing it. You're absolutely right, thanks for saying it. Such things always get to me, I do attend therapy and I will talk about it with my therapist. My ego gets very very hurt sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts